classic koans from cohen

{if you're reading this via email or RSS, click title to view the video clip.}

So many truths and lies and dichotomies packed into 48 seconds, Leonard style.
xo

 

it just takes a taste

 

i’m loving: bruce mau, gretchen rubin, kira zmuda, charity: water

Ever since I discovered Bruce Mau's Incomplete Manifesto for Growth I've been smitten with his notions for change and possibility. His mind is like a kaleidoscope of solutions and problems and questions. This promo for the 2010 Denver Biennial of the Americas is a typically elegant and impassioned call to action. I think I need to be there.

Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project blog is one of the most respected and visited personal dev sites on line. Gretchen is not only a deep thinker, but she's a big thinker. And she just released The Happiness Project Toolbox, complete with personalizable inspiration boards, one sentence journaling, and my fav, a collection of people's "secrets to adulthood." Gretchen has hit this one out of the park and I'm so excited for her.

Mathematics of Glamour is a smart site "multiplying reflection, adventure, and the factors in between to personal beauty." The very thoughtful Kira Zmuda is on to something magical, I think, with the self portraits that are starting to roll in to her blog. I just sent off my own self-perspective and the sketch was an interesting exercise, not unlike writing a short bio. I was happy to see that I see myself as ... very happy.

I have two favourite charities: Women for Women International and Kiva and now, I have to make it three with Charity: Water, a non-prof organization bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations. It was started by self-described self-absorbed Manhattan nightclub owner, Scott Harrison, who decided to do something more meaningful with his life, and man, has he ever made good on that choice. Charity: Water has been monumentally, rapidly successful. Read more in this Sunday's New York Times. Chris Gillebeau's book next year will be a joint project with them.

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hot song: what you thought you need, jack johnson

"Well I can't give you everything you want but I could give you what you thought you need ... it's all for the sake of arriving with you."

 

love after love, by derek walcott

 

romance analysis: 3 intense films

Revolutionary Road
Kate Winslet + Leonardo DiCaprio

Snared between conformity and their mutual aching for vitality, Frank and April take the fight of their lives out on eachother. It's a brilliant perspective of the bitterness that comes with compromise and how love manages to spring from the cracks.

I love this line from wife to husband:
"Tell me the truth, Frank, we used to live by it. And you know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth Frank, they just get better at lying."

Bam.

Blind Date {click on the title to watch a film clip}
Stanley Tucci + Patricia Clarkson

In an attempt to heal the wounds of their marriage caused by the death of their child, Donald and Jenna plot blind dates with each other. The complexities of their pain and striving desire are driven by an excellent script and set against the back drop of a Moulin Rouge-esque bar - which makes the film compelling in every way. The ending is fearless and shocking. And FYI, this indi film was shot in Belgium with only a seven-day shoot, and a year and a half for rehearsal.

Crazy Love
A documentary: Lawyer Burt and Linda from the Bronx fall in love. Burt's a double crossing sleaze and Linda dumps him. Burt hires bad guy to throw lye on Linda's poster girl face. "If I can't have her, nobody will." She goes blind, he goes to the slammer. When he gets out, they get married. CRAZY.

. . . . . . . .

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love sucks, but you can’t beat it

WARNING: if you're a hopeless romantic, searching for Prince Charming or Miss Marvelous, you better leave now. Because I'm about steamroll any Disney-drenched happily-ever-after scenarios. I'm starting my engine. Go now while your ideals are still in tact. You can get yourself some Danielle Steel on Kindle.

Okay...I warned you.

"What's with everyone going on about the 'hard work' of marriage?" I used to think. "If it's so hard it musn't be true love. True love has a meant-to-be-ness about it that's gotta make everything easier. Like, if it's THAT hard, then it just ain't right. Right?" Uh huh.

My relationship with my own self is complicated, how could I expect it to be simple with another? But I was single at the time. My panties matched my bras, my principles matched my big hair, and I my astronomical phone bills matched my knack for getting involved with men who lived on the other side of the country. {The long distance fed my romantic longings. Longing. Always lonnnging.}

I've done some homework since then. Home. Work.

THE SHITTY FACTS MY RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH HAS SURFACED:

: I don't know a single couple with an easy, let alone blissful, marriage. Okay. ONE couple: Donna and Brad. But they met when they were in their late forties. Brad's wife had passed away. Donna was just out of a long termer. Within months of declaring their total and utter devotion, Brad discovered that he had cancer. They fought it with every alternative therapy known, and every dime and ounce of faith they had. They're still going strong. It really is the stuff of love stories.

But back to the rest of us normal, non-Buddhist schmucks who got hitched earlier in life...

: Most of my married friends have seriously considered leaving their mates more than once. {Note to the hubby of my friend: I'm not talking about you. Really, you're the total exception dude.}

: Within just the first year of marriage, at least half of my married friends and acquaintances thought to themselves, "What the hell have I done?"

: Of all the longtime wed folks I've surveyed, each reported long, hellish periods in their relationship where they were merely enduring each other to get by.

Bubbles burst. Dreams steamrolled. Imperfections and cruelties of life glaringly clear. Crap facts noted. Love stinks.

And love keeps going in spite of it all.

THE DELIGHTFUL, SWEET AND RADIANT FACTS MY RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH HAS SURFACED:

: I have friends whose confessed infidelities cycloned through their lives. And they sorted through the wreckage to build something better than before. "The affair was the best thing that ever happened to us."

: Couples who rallied to beat addictions, who sweat and toiled to over come them like farmers fight blight - tirelessly, without rest, because everything depends on victory.

: One of my wisest friends figures that it took about thirty years for him and his wife to simply be nice to each other. Now there is a euphoria in their familiarity. A grace has settled in. He says that sometimes it's magical.

So if you're out there thinking that the smoochy hot couple has got it easy, ha! Think again. If you're down to a teaspoon of hope, envying the love stories on the other side of the fence, remember that while they were smiling for the cameras, Joanne Woodward was putting up with Paul Newman's boozing in the early years. Fridah Kahlo's beloved Diego chased skirts all through Mexico and New York. Cleopatra waited a long time for her man.

Love and doubt aren't exclusive. In fact, they can be the most fantastic dance partners. Give and take. Trust and turn.

Bliss requires sweat.

. . . . . . . .

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thought of the day: your innate perfection

The project of being ʻa selfʼ is the surest way to never feel like a person.
- Thomas Moore, The Original Self

Your truth isnʼt “out there.” Itʼs not an answer waiting to be found or a destination to get to. It lives inside your being and itʼs the external explorations that tease, and ply and shake it out of you. Your essence is waiting patiently to be evoked, not manufactured. Truth resonates, it doesn't imitate.

Before you were told that you were the runner up, and before you concluded that you needed improving upon, the original, gloriously sensational “you” was there. A perfectly knowing, empowered, deity-caliber soul capable of intense joy and genius.

What if your foundation is just that amazing? Imagine a well of Right Answers running beneath your surface. Assume for a minute that your soul bedrock is your own kind of perfection. You're not broken, not a problem to be fixed. You're a soul emerging. And you're doing just fine.

Merely toying with that concept is the stuff of breakthroughs.

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follow up to the copyright bullshit experience

Many of you asked me to update you on the outcome from my post: copyright, bullshit, and good manners, whereby I explained the kooky-litigious letter I received from the Strategic Coach, Inc. intellectual property lady, asking me to remove my article that extolled the values of Dan Sullivan's Entrepreneurial Time Management system.

Well, I heard from them, pronto ronto. And the response was impressively clear, direct, and believably sincere. An excerpt:

"Yikes, we certainly messed up on this one! I just read your blog post, "copyright, bullshit, and good manners," forwarded to us by one of our clients. I have to say I felt queasy reading it because your comments are right on the mark and these are things we know well. Before going any further, I want to say what should have been said in the first place: Thank you for the wonderful and entertaining post you wrote on "entrepreneurial time management: how i rock it"! We really appreciate you sharing your experience with this concept and how it's helped you, and especially linking back to the original source on our website and providing proper attribution."

When you screw up: tell the truth and tell it fast. Go direct. Admit to your faux pas poo poo and lay on the goodness. The entire letter was clear and thoughtful, they sent me a copy of The Dan Sullivan Question: Ask it and transform anyone's life. Flowers would have been nice, but books are good.

Even in between the first weird/nasty letter arrived and the nice follow up mea culpa letter from the bigger boss lady, I continued to tell my Fire Starter clients who asked about productivity tricks about Dan's Entrepreneurial Time Management System. A good product is a good product. Even smart companies make stupid mistakes. As my friend Donna says, we're just all bozos on the same bus. Any good coach will tell you that.

. . . . . . . .

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what do you hope is true?

I hope it's true that:

: the universe is ever expanding.
: the hole in the ozone layer really is shrinking.
: the very clear vision I see of my son living a long and luscious life comes to fruition.
: troops will really pull out of Iraq by 2011.
: pensions and social security will still be around when people need them.
: sitings of the Virgin Mary are really sitings of THE Virgin Mary.
: Michael Jackson didn't do it.
: Jim Morrison is still alive, and Leonard Cohen will keep touring.
: I can come back for another life if I choose to be an earthling again, or I can hang out in a new dimension and just assist from the cosmic sidelines.

and you?

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hot song: dancing in the moonlight

{if you're viewing this via RSS, click "POP OUT PLAYER" button or the post title above to hear the song. The playlist is not empty, despite how it appears in RSS readers.}

Quite possibly one of the grooviest, sexiest summer songs ever.

You can't dance and stay uptight...such a fine and natural sight...

 

answers aren’t the answer

Fear demands answers. “Oh, look! There’s an answer!” It may be someone else’s answer but it’ll do in a pinch. And so many of us are pinched. We’ve crammed ourselves into lives that are full of stuff but empty of meaning. Stuffed. Hard to move. Tearing at the seams of the economy, landfills, standards of living …

We’re so occupied with home improvement and self-improvement that it’s difficult to see the true self that’s underneath. Who are you fixing, anyway? Do you know? Maybe you don’t need improving at all. Perhaps your original self is more beautiful than you even imagined.

Freedom worships inquiry. The truth is far easier to deal with than illusion, evasion or avoidance. You can wrap your arms around it. You can look it in the eye. You can take it to the bank. I think Saint Thomas had it right, “What you bring forth will save you. What you don’t bring forth will kill you.” Truth frees.

Stop looking for the answers.
Look for the question.
What question are you living?

{FYI my current living question came to me from Patti Digh and I've been noodling on it with glee for a few weeks now: "If my art provided everything I need in my life, how would I approach my life?" Ahh. Just the inquiry itself creates space in my heart for more.}

Rilke hit it home when he proclaimed: Live the questions, live them now!

So...?

. . . . . . .

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take what you need

"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write."
- Virginia Woolf

For about six months, my sweet husband has been saying, "Look babe, if you want me out of the office, just say the word and I'll make space for myself in the loft."
"It's alright, I can make it work. Stay." I'd reply, as I stepped over fire-fighting gear and running shoes on the way to my desk. On other days the refrain was more along the lines of, "Would you puhleeese get your shit out of here, I'm trying to write the next great inspirational bestseller! I need white space, dammit!" Ahem.

A few weeks ago, I took him up on his request. I took my space. I booted his booty and boots out. I installed a new white desk. On one of my series of four perfectly aligned magnetic white boards I hung a postcard from my favourite monastery, an old Elvis coaster, and a long pheasant feather. The others are filled with square pale yellow sticky notes of tour dates and article ideas.

The man is truly happy upstairs with his laptop and model canoe. I'm euphorically creative and the Virgo in me is giddy with productivity. What took me so long to take what I needed?

What's right in front of you waiting to be taken, indulged, used up and embraced? Banked sick days? An offer for mentoring, free advice, or a shoulder to lean on? A rainy day account? A white canvass whispering, make me your masterpiece?

Why do we delay gratification, put off what's rightfully ours and rebuff well-intentioned favours and offerings of support?

3 EXCUSES FOR NOT TAKING WHAT YOU NEED

"But I can take it."
I could write a novel in the middle of a football game, in the pouring rain, on a type writer, while eating a burrito. I think it's a mix of being an only child raised in the country, and being innately ambitious that gives me the capacity to tune out and get stuff done. But tuning out, and rising above, and weathering the storm isn't ideal. It's endurance. The root of the word endure is "to bear suffering." Be it a less-than-fulfilling relationship, or soul-sucking j-o-bs, just because you can take it, doesn't mean you should. Stamina does not always equate to bliss.

"I don't want to impose."
Impose! Most of the people in your life want you to be happy. Assume that you're surrounded by grown ups who actually mean what they say when they offer to take your kids, proof read your work, or lend a hand. It feels good to give. It feels good to receive. We're all in this together.

"I don't need much"
Austerity only works if it gives you the space to feed your soul. Fierce independence is life-affirming, but it's only part of the formula for wholeness. Life is an abundant proposition - but it's just that, a proposal. You need to say yes to all that it wants to give you. It's a great offer.

The universe works on supply and demand. Which means it's all yours for the taking.

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fire starters in your city?

I've just locked in some new group Fire Starter gigs!
For complete details or to reserve your space, click here.

Portland OR: Fri./Sat. July 17 or 18
Minneapolis: Sat. July 25
Berkeley CA: Fri./Sat. August 21 or 22
Las Vegas: August 26
Austin TX: Fri./Sat. September 11 or 12
Atlanta: Fri./Sat. September 18 or 19
Calgary: Sunday, October 4

Need some inspiration?:

"Had such a fabulous time yesterday. You are really EXCEPTIONALLY cool. You do an amazing job of helping people to 'understand' you on-line and in your written word, but man, woman, you are POWER!!!"
- Tanya Geisler, Life Coach, Toronto

"... a big thanks for all of your inspiration! I reread my 10 pages of notes many times and added a few more pages! Thanks for all of your incredible wisdom and your honesty."
- Bronwyn Addico, Marketing Director, Words Worth Bookstore

"In addition to providing a joyous asskicker of an evening, you, yourself, are an excellence magnet of the highest order. Thank you. I expect to be reverberating with juicy goodness somewhere in your orbit for years to come."
- Collen Wainright, The Communicatrix, Los Angeles

"Great session - so informative and helpful. I came away feeling like so many things (issues, concerns, mysteries) that were floating around for me just clicked into place - into one big beautiful package - and it finally all made sense."
- Beth Thorne, Furniture designer, Los Angeles

 

yes!

 

go wild