New in town? Welcome. You can subscribe to my RSS feed, or my not-so-daily email - which is the best way to go, really. xoxo Danielle

monthly round up: august was…expansive

August was ripe with road trips and permission slips. Here's a round up of the past month:

: depression vs. sadness: the power of mincing words. Sadness strips you raw. Depression muffles and muddles. When you respect the difference, you're closer to the cure. SHARPEN YOUR LEXICON, READ HERE. (more...)

 

got boundaries? got class?

e·qua·nim·i·ty
–noun
mental or emotional stability or composure, esp. under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium.

Origin: aequ, even, plain, equal + anim, mind, spirit, feelings
Synonyms: serenity, self-possession, aplomb.
Antonyms: panic, disquiet, discomposure, agitation.

GOT BOUNDARIES?
Self respect. Not suffering fools. Not throwing pearls before swine. Being seen, heard, felt. Speaking up for yourself. Original Voice.
Radical self care. Authenticity. Self-soothing. Practice. Ritual. Honouring your needs so you can honour other's. Self referencing. Proudly particular.

All great concepts. Essential to wholeness. Critical for self expression, creativity, and dignity. Doorways to consciousness.

And...potential love-blockers.

YOU KNOW THE TYPE: They've worked so hard to get this far that the world just isn't good enough. They have their issues in check. They have special food requests. They're rather sensitive. You have to make special trips for them. When they talk last in meetings, it's likely to run overtime. They've crafted a system of hard-won self-help philosophies that seemingly entitles them to accommodations wherever they go. They're really annoying.

But wait. Back to me, me, moi....

I've spent so many hours in psychotherapy, and retreats, and boardrooms clarifying my "needs" vs. "wants" vs. "the hungry ghost" vs. "healthy expectations" that when I "surrender" to someone else's "way" it can feel like a stick in my spokes of dignity (and I paid a lot for that dignity.) Such is the foible of Western spirituality. Me first, You next.

But at this point, I'm tender and tough enough to know what love is and isn't. And...

Sometimes, the most enlightened, classy, and loving thing you can do is shut up and put up.

You eat the meat they serve even tho' you're a vegetarian.
You take the tacky gift; you find the common ground in your opposing politics; you smile, darling. And here's the thing: you mean it when you do it.
You suspend being right, or more evolved, or protected, and you intend loving equanimity - because you can.

You accept and flex because it expands you - and that's only good.
You soften because it feels really amazing for everyone involved - guaranteed.
You say thank you because elegance makes the world a better place.

When you become the conduit for graciousness you get stronger, truer, freer and more fiercely alive.

Which is the whole reason we create boundaries in the first place.

. . . . . . . .

NEWSY BITS

Yay! The Fire Starter Sessions Pay-What-You-Can-Day extravaganza made BusinessWeek.com! READ THE ARTICLE.

I'm in the World-Changing Writing Workshop-In-A-Box! It's dark in here, but there's lots of great company. CHECK IT OUT.

VANCOUVER: I'm speaking at the Get Shifted event on September 9. GET SHIFTED.

←   read all current inspiration articles

 

what do you call yourself?

Are you...
girlfriend, or lover?
husband, or partner?
teacher, or trainer?
leader, or director?
decorator, or designer?
advisor, or counselor?
blogger, or writer?
crafter, or artist?

What you call yourself matters.
Words send signals, labels are magnetic.
Your soul deserves accuracy.

MedicinalMarzipan recently asked me:

You distinguish yourself as a writer vs. blogger, can you elaborate on that point? And I said:

I loath the word blog. It’s not pretty. But we’re stuck with it. That’s an aside, really.

Most specifically, I philosophize, and I mostly do that in writing, and I mostly present that on the internet. That’s the Big Real of what I do, and what so many of us do. We’re bigger than our “posts” and “tweets” and when you keep your eye on that, when you let your definitions of yourself be deeply accurate, it influences your creative approach.

I'm a philosopher, which for me, is more accurate than teacher, because "philosopher" connotes both sagacity + continuing exploration.
I'm a strategist, 'cause I sure as hell am too opinionated to be a coach. (Not that brilliant coaches don't have mighty opinions. And BTW, I think everyone should have a coach.)
I'm a mama, which is just mo' fun and sexy than mother, and it's more specific than parent, because my parenting is distinctly, pronouncedly feminine.
I'm a writer. It doesn't matter where my stuff is published - pixelated on the internet, printed in books, or stamped on notecards. I write. For a living/loving even.

I'm as fascinated by what someone does as by what they say they do.

Like this sweet guy at a workshop, "By day I'm a Refuse Manager, which is just a fancy title the city gives me for Garbage Man. I actually prefer Garbage Man, you know? By night I'm a stock trader and student of eastern mythology. I'm a seeker, really. Yeah, a Seeker." Clearly, he's seeking treasures, not garbage.

Labels are a necessary and unavoidable function of most cultures. We need them like we need traffic lights and handshakes.

Recognize if you've outgrown your "title".
Deepen your claim, or lighten it right up.
Carve out your own personal lexicon. Snug, and radiant.
Educate people in who you are.
We want to know, for real.

. . . . . .

INTERVIEWS

Read the full Medicinal Marzipan interview here.

COOL STUFF!
Missed the live version of the World Changing Writing Workshop? CLICK HERE, because now you can get it In-A-Box! And pssst...I got voted the #1 Speaker from the series! Yay!

GET STOKED!

True Strengths + The Metrics of Ease is Session 3 in THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS. One of the most popular chapters, you can get it now as a mini-media sparklet, a warm up for the mondo inferno.

"This chapter is a BEAUTY — such a kick start.
Your words give me permission to be awesome."
- Sas Lockey

$20 bucks, baby. And when you're hot for more, you can put the cost of the chapter toward the full-tilt FIRE STARTER SESSIONS program.

>> CLICK HERE to BUY True Strengths + The Metrics of Ease

>> or click here for more details

 

your permission slip from the universe

I've got the Goddess of Permission on speed dial and she was thrilled to oblige with this sweeping list of acts of self expression and liberation. We can draw on it whenever we need. Come back often. Build on it. The Permission Goddess sends kisses and high-fives.

you have permission to

: not finish reading books that you're not really enjoying. Don't force it, close it.
: walk out of movies that suck (and hey, if you leave in the first twenty minutes, you can get your money back.)
: let it go to voicemail (especially during dinner, or snuggling, or watching So You Think You Can Dance?)
: give birthday gifts anytime of the year (which means you can be late or early and you can give yourself time to find just the right gift.)
: talk shit about WalMart (even if they do have the economic power of a small country.)
: cut the obligations cords that are driven by guilt.***
: pursue your own agenda.
: own next to nothing, live on a mattress, read and write and make love all day with no other responsibilities***
: return crappy products to their crappy manufacturers (because you can vote with your dollars.)
: leave your current business model so you can go do something bigger than you***
: tell your kids when you think that something an authority figure told them is bullshit (you need to be in solidarity with your child, not the so-called grown ups.)
: quit your job, even if you just started two weeks ago, or just got a raise, or are seemingly indispensable.
: get yourself off even, if you have a partner.
: have some secrets.
: cut out the elements of your business that you don't totally LOVE. The parts that 90% of the time make you say, "WHY am I doing this? I don't WANT to do this." ***
: give away/recycle/get rid of stuff, stuff, stuff sentimental stuff that special people gave you (your home is for you, not them); stuff that doesn't make you feel good even, if you spent a lot of money on it; stuff that has intense memories attached to it; stuff!
: say no to "free" stuff, like swag bags at fancy events and novelty erasers and pom-pom pens from the bank. (Because the only thing in life that's free is love.)

you have permission to

: fail, and fail again.
: to succeed, wildly, more than your neighbours, more than your folks, more than you thought was possible.
: be rich and "spiritual"
: be broke AND generous
: leave work early, get some ice cream, and sit in the hot tub at the gym***
: charge what you're worth***
: focus more on creating your soul job and less on finding a ho' job.***
: sleep! sleep in, nap, sleep.
: earn a living knitting for charity.***
: relax. To let go of the growing to-do list in your head. To release the need to get it "just right."***
: to dance.
: go bra-less or underwear free.
: give it all to charity.
: check your email whenever the hell you want.
: start now, without the degree, without the funding, without knowing exactly where you're going.
: sell your house to afford a big trip to India (a friend of mine did just that, no regrets.)
: walk away.
: fall in love.
: eat dessert first.

you have permission to
: not ever feel the need for permission.***

PS...The Goddess of Compassion, Quan Yin, also emailed me. She and The G' of Permish are a rad' team when they ride together. Quan Yin just wanted me to make sure she gets repp'ed in the mix: quit responsibly, say Fuck off with compassion in your heart, liberate with love, and cut clean when you need to use your sword. And when you can, do what you say you're going to do, or announce when you can't with deftness and care.

And then Ms. Permissive emailed me to say she gives you permission to whatever, however, because ultimately, it's all progress. I asked the Deities to take their debate off-line. Your liberation isn't their business anyway.

*** = permission requests. click on the asterisks to see who has been granted extra-special permission.

. . . . . . . .
ANNOUNCEMENTS, ANNOUNCEMENTS!

True Strengths + The Metrics of Ease is Session 3 in THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS. One of the most popular chapters, you can get it now as a mini-media sparklet, a warm up for the mondo inferno.

"This chapter is a BEAUTY — such a kick start.
Your words give me permission to be awesome."
- Sas Lockey

$20 bucks, baby. And when you're hot for more, you can put the cost of the chapter toward the full-tilt FIRE STARTER SESSIONS program.

>> CLICK HERE to BUY True Strengths + The Metrics of Ease

>> or click here for more details

"The Fire Starter Sessions is the revolution you’ve been waiting for. It will shake-up and wake-up every aspect of your life."
– Kris Carr | Award-winning Author and Documentarian, Crazy, Sexy, Cancer

. . . . . . . . .

MARIE FORELO'S B-SCHOOL
Registration for B-School closes this Thursday, August 19. Here's why I'm recommending it whole heartedly.

←   read all current inspiration articles

 

get a spark o’ the fire : the true strengths + the metrics of ease chapter

Would you rather be sufficient, or masterful?
Would you rather be bright, or a freaking supernova?
Would you rather be well-rounded, or
on your own leading edge?

"This chapter is a BEAUTY — such a kick start.
Your words give me permission to be awesome."
- Sas Lockey

True Strengths + The Metrics of Ease is Session 3 in THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS. One of the most popular chapters, you can get it now as a mini-media sparklet, a warm up for the mondo inferno. It explores:

: clarifying your intrinsic strengths vs. weaknesses
: the dangers of being "competent." Being well-rounded is highly overrated.
: the game-changing practice of getting better at what you’re best at
: passion as your growth point
: the brilliance of approving of your weaknesses
: enthusiasm as a state of higher consciousness
: using grace as data in your decision making
: a list of personality tests and reading resources
: ...and a word on life purpose
: VIDEO: The Metrics of Ease with Danielle
: VIDEO: The Merits of Self-Centered with Danielle + Dyana Valentine
: WORKSHEET 4: Passion Play
: WORKSHEET 5: Very Strong Priorities

"[this] chapter...is blowing my mind. Amazing.
This chapter alone is worth way more than $150."
- Tim Murphy

All this for $20 bucks, baby. And when you're hot for more, you can put the cost of this chapter toward the full-tilt FIRE STARTER SESSIONS program. And! By owning the True Strengths chapter, you're able to become an affiliate.

** click here to purchase true strengths + the metrics of ease **

rave reviews

"Danielle LaPorte's passion for her mission leaps off the page, and reading a few chapters of this book will ignite you into action."
– Gretchen Rubin | Author, The Happiness Project

"The Fire Starter Sessions is the revolution you’ve been waiting for. It will shake-up and wake-up every aspect of your life."
– Kris Carr | Award-winning Author and Documentarian, Crazy, Sexy, Cancer

"The Fire Starter Sessions is the new, bad-ass Artist’s Way.”
– Linda Sivertsen | Co-Author, Harmonic Wealth and Generation Green

"The Fire Starter Sessions...is so good that I’m taking it slow. All meat, no filler."
– Nathan Hangen | Author, Beyond Blogging and the Webrepreneur's Guide to Funding Your Business

"No entrepreneur should make another decision about the direction of his or her future without reading this book and doing the exercises Danielle has included."
– Alexis Martin Neely | Founder, Family Wealth Planning Institute and The LIFT Foundation System

"I'm savoring my way through FSS and loving it. I've scheduled a standing weekly appointment to work through Danielle's ass-kicking, fire-lighting, stakes-raising worksheets until. I'm. done. I'm admitting, forgiving, clarifying, imagining, and (most importantly) becoming – and I've needed this for a long time."
– Dave Navarro | TheLaunchCoach.com

"Money, failure, power, appreciation – this doesn't leave anything out of the mix."
– Barbara Stanny | Author, Overcoming Underearning

"You know the acronym TABO? True And Bleedingly Obvious. The Fire Starter Sessions are the opposite of that. They're fresh, compassionate, practical, sassy, designed (and design is one crucial way that content becomes useful), wise, engaging and, above all, different."
– Michael Bungay Stanier | Author, Do More Great Work and Senior Partner, Box of Crayons

Or of course, you could just go for the mondo inferno right this minute and invest in the full FIRE STARTERS SESSIONS program. Click the orange icon:

$150 for the full-tilt love. And! $5 from every copy goes to the charity you choose:The Acumen Fund or Women for Women International

or...

click here and warm up for $20 with a sample Session.

With Love,

 

rich, happy and hot b-school + loving it up in nyc this november

part 1:

Marie Forelo and I jammed last week on her Rich, Happy & Hot B-School. I've seen the course plan and it's just the kind of work that makes me think, "I'm so glad someone is doing this the smart way."

I'm giving B-School a double thumbs up because:

: B-school materials are logical and uber practical, (like this Instant Money Maker campaign - yep - it's that simple, if you understand the psychology behind it.)
: Marie is a love-driven entrepreneur with stellar intentions.
: The emphasis is on making money online (and every business is about making money online) and MARKETING.
: Marie and her B-School partner, Laura Roeder actually make lotsa of money online. They have a track record.
: B-School is the ideal support system after working with me as a “1-on-1 client or a FIRE STARTER SESSION reader.
: (yep, I'm an affiliate, but I'm not an e-ho', my rep's on the line with every recommendation and I refer sparingly - hope you've noticed.)

: ... and Marie + Laura, win the prize for most innovative and sexy product launch. Check out their Give Me the Funk VIDEO HERE.

Enrollment is CLOSING this Thursday, August 19 at midnight PST - it will sell out, because these ladies make stuff happen.

**** CLICK HERE for B-School pricing and enrollment info. ****

part 2
whereby we set NYC on fire

Marie is hosting her annual Rich, Happy and Hot LIVE Event:
November 12 - 14
New York City
at Donna Karan's Urban Zen Foundation

I'll be rocking the stage (yeah!!!) for one of the days with Marie and one of our favourite wellness mavericks, Kris Carr of Crazy Sexy Cancer/Oprah-sweetheart, founder of CrazySexyLife.com renown.

This will be a really special event...Marie has built so many layers of love into the weekend. I'm deeply excited and honoured. (And to speak at DKNY's Urban Zen Foundation has been a dream of mine!)

THE SPECIAL OFFER The next 25 people to register for B-School, will get a $300 event voucher toward the Rich, Happy & Hot LIVE November Event. So if the Rich, Happy & Hot LIVE in November sounds like something you want to do, register for B-School now and lock-in the $300 savings.

Follow your heart...

 

making space for creative credo

My palms are a bit sweaty. I'm taking deep breaths. I feel a bit misty, and, I'm smiling. This is a monumental decision for a bloggity being like me…here goes:

I'm putting the comment function on WhiteHotTruth out to pasture.
Comments are hereby closed.
Gulp. Sigh. Namaste.

I need to heed my own creative credo:
1. Keep it pointed to where you want it to go.
2. Pay close attention to your creative fantasies.
3. Keep it lean and keep it clean.
4. Art involves risk.
5. Form informs feeling.

1. Keep it pointed to where you want it to go.

If we've had a beer or walked the Sea Wall together (I know, only two of my friends are putting their hands up - I'm reclusive,) then you've heard me say, "All I want to do is write and speak. Write and speak. Write and speak." Pretty clear. For flavour, I've been adding in, "You know, I just wanna work like Hunter S. Thompson, but without all the bad drugs. Or guns. Or ex-wives. Or..." Okay, the point is, I neeeed to Write and Speak.

And live -- and living means making up stories with my six-year-old magic boy. And eating fresh food with friends. And interviewing Rabbis and Lamas and waiters about the nature of desire...So that I have more stuff to write and speak about.

When people start calling you a "power blogger" (I love the label, don't stop, seriously,) you're tempted to think that power = blogging. And it can. You just need to keep your eye on your real power source, or you get all fancy and you start wearing sunglasses when you sit down at the computer.

And here's the thing with being "in touch" with thousands of people everyday: it can fuck with your head, not in a Howard Hughes go-looney kind of way, but in a "there are a whole lotta of people in my living room, and my bed, and my car-kind of way." You see, I THINK about YOU a LOT. I want to be the best damn hostess on the Internet. I want everyone to know that I read every word that is sent my way. I want to be loved, darling, loved!

Which brings me to…

2. Pay close attention to your creative fantasies.

I've been romanticizing the old days of authorship. You bled on typewriter keys, couriered your six inch-high stack of manuscript papers to your editor; and your book came out four years later. If someone wanted to send you love letters or hate mail, they wrote to your publisher, and your publisher asked you if you wanted your mail forwarded to you that year.

That Jurassic and gruelling process is everything I work counter to. I take publishing into my own hands and ship my art ASAP. Howevah...this imagery (I can even smell the dusty dust of old paperbacks, and the ink of typewriter ribbon,) has been surfacing in my thoughts these past weeks and it's telling me to make the space I need to create more.

If I have more psychic space, I can write more, and write mo' better. And THAT's where I want my vocation to go. All good things (like affluence) will come from honouring that core desire. (Quicky clarity on that: affluence = fluid ideas + influencing positive happenings + cash flow.)

3. Keep it lean and keep it clean.

I was reading the Communicatrix's latest newsletter (Colleen Wainwright slams down the wisdom on a monthly basis and I take in every word.) "Everyone now knows that social-media creep is just as dangerous as TV-creep..." And she advises us to "review your landscape, trim your reel...so I we can be…100% available to the moment."

And then it hit me: Let go. More. Which is scary, but…

4. Art involves risk.

Seth doesn't have blog comments. Havi doesn't even do email. When Leo at Zen Habits asked some of his blog-migos what we thought about him closing comments on his site, I was like, "Dude, 'Zen' connotes comment–free, you need to let go and let it flow." But it's different when it comes your turn to "burn down the barn so you can see the moon" as the poet, Masahide put it.

You start fretting about people calling you a narcissist (wouldn't be the first time I've been misunderstood,) or your readership plummeting (which, uh, couldn't possibly happen because my material is just going to get HOTTER…promise,) and about being lonely (I still have those two friends to drink beer and walk the sea wall with.)

And…I worry that my new artistic format might come across as ungrateful. And that would suck hard, because I am so deeply, madly, appreciative of every heart that clicks my way and gives some extra meaning to all of this. The value of being recognized as useful cannot be overstated.

5. Form informs feeling.

I want to foster a quality of spaciousness here. Like sitting around a campfire, under a big sky. We need room in order to hear, to be with our thoughts. We banter and converse and show up enough "out there," don't we?

I pray that the new spaciousness is appreciated, even savored. Like a paperback book that you can hold close for a few minutes while you make your way through the world.

Ever true and always grateful,

←   read all current inspiration articles

 

depression vs. sadness: the power of mincing words

"When you're depressed, nothing matters. When you're sad, everything does."
- Gloria Steinem, via @spiver, aka Susan Spiver, author of The Wisdom of a Broken Heart

"So you're feeling a sense of hopelessness," the therapist said to me.
"No, I'm feeling despair," I clarified.
"Same thing. You're feeling hopeless," she came back.
"Nooo, I don't feel it's hopeless, I'm experiencing despair. I feel disheartened, but there's still hope here," I said.
"Hope and despair are pretty similar," she said.
"Look it up." I shrugged. "I'm going with despair."

(We didn't last too long as therapist/patient.)

I relish in semantics ("the meaning, or an interpretation of the meaning, of a word.") The more you know about the true definition of a word, the more powerful it is when you speak it. Precision is power.

Depressed and Sad are two very powerful, similar, misappropriated words. Portal words. Sacred words. And if we look more closely at them, we can claim what's true for ourselves and set about transforming depression and sadness into their contrasting states.

Sadness hurts but it signals that you are very, very much alive.
Depression may be the cousin of sadness, sometimes the defended response to unyielding sadness, but it makes you feel anything but alive. It dulls, weighs, and messes with your memory of your true essential nature -- which is that of joy.

I've been through wrenching heart breaks. I've left a decade-long relationship that is still intertwined with my DNA; been devastated by betrayal in business; said goodbye to overseas love that was doomed from the magical start. I've cried those guttural cries that dying animals make, I've canceled meetings because grief caught me off guard en route. I moved arthritically, lugging my heart in a wagon, to get groceries and tend to life on the surface. And through it all, I've felt undeniably, and intensely alive. And this, this is sadness. Acute, sometimes enduring, but always sensory and evocative, sadness.

When you're sad, you're feeling. Sometimes, more than you want to. You wish you could be despondent, but the sadness is sharp and it bleeds your attention from you.

Depression -- a term our med-happy nation uses much too glibly -- dulls one's feelings. Where sadness makes you feel raw and skinless, depression is like wearing a snow suit and mittens and wondering why you can't feel the caress of life. Sadness strips you. As I was just reminded, "Sadness is so f--king cleansing." Depression is muddy and muffling and numbing.

Depression vs. Sadness
Each comes with different gifts, challenges and assignments
Each is a sacred state. Both divine and brutal.
But not the same.
When you respect the difference, you're closer to the cure.

. . . . . . .

INTERVIEW
"If you could give any piece of advice for someone that feels stuck, what would it be?" READ ON AT Pure-Habitat.com

←   read all current inspiration articles

 

 

THE secret to success. this is IT. for reals.

In one form or another, I've been asked this question a few hundred times:

What's the secret to success?

Variations:
What's the single most important thing you've learned on your journey?
What's your key piece of advice for meaningful livelihood?
What's the greatest cause of failure? How do we overcome fear?
What's your pearl of wisdom for getting unstuck?

Here it is. You heard it here first, lovahs.

The secret to success:

No need to read any further really.

If we all just did what we said we're going to do, we'd experience an evolutionary leap in consciousness more brilliant than solar power and the invention of the wheel. But in case we slip, here's a bit of bolstering...

Do what you say you're going to do.

NO: rounding up what you say, no blowing it off, assuming that they'll forget what you said, hoping that they didn't really hear you, or believing that it's kosher to let it slide. Letting it slide is a slippery slope that leads to sleepless nights and eroded integrity which all adds up to a whole lot of yuck.

Aim for impeccable. There's a great scene in Jerry McGuire, where one of the Zig Ziglar-like "mentor guys" in a polyester suit says in his heavy southern accent, "If I don't return yer call in 24 hours, well, you can rest assured that I am dead." I want that guy on my team.

Mean it. You can ask my home girl, Steph, to go mountain climbing, hook you up with the Mayor, and meet you back for a cold beer all in the same day, and what you'll hear is, "DONE!" She says "DONE!" a lot. At first I didn't know if it was like, a tic, or a truth. But guess what, she gets a lot done -- everything that she says she will.

"Call you tomorrow" ... "I'll send you the link" ... "I'll do my best." If you don't mean it with heart and precision, then just don't say it. Pause. Say thank you. Express an intention. Say nothing. Habitual convo-filler is bad for the environment. I can't scientifically prove it, but empty promises suck wind.

Of course you can't always do what you said you would. Minds change and some prerogatives need their exercise. Batteries die, tragedies happen, the best intentions can get rained out. When you can't or choose not to honour your word, then say so.

Tell the truth, tell it fast, deliver it with sincerity and care.

Words are arrows.
Aim.
You can't always hit the impeccability bull's eye, but even if you're off a smidge, your words will land on integrity.

. . . . . . .

INTERVIEWS

Kira Zuma at the Mathematics of Glamor asked me who my heroes were...when I was 8. READ HERE.

Laura at The Journal of Cultural Conversation and I talked about vocational karma. READ HERE.

←   read all current inspiration articles