getting stuff done

7 things I know about active letting go. (sure beats waiting.)

Note: "active letting go" is not to be mistaken for "passive letting go", whereby life rips stuff out of your grip, or you paint yourself into a corner, or things get so heavy they stop you in your tracks and you have to ditch them just to carry on. Active letting go is a little more...pro-active. It's a practice. It's awake. It's somewhat delightful (except for the agony of it.)

7 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT ACTIVE LETTING GO:

1. There's always more to let go of. It's endless and it's beautiful because it's endless. Just surrender to the endlessness of it.
2. Typically, letting go is painful – in varying degrees, from wince to damn near crippling, it's gonna hurt. Fact.
3. Hard leads to soft. Imagine ripping off a bandage; dropping an heirloom off at the thrift store and resolving to not go back to get it; kissing him or her that way for the last time and tearing yourself away because you need to grow in the other direction; boarding the plane with a heavy heart… When you steel the nerve to be tough enough to let go, you crossover over a sacred line. And on the other side, Tenderness is waiting for you, and She's very proud and she's very encouraging.
4. Baby steps are okay, but you can't avoid the pain that surfaces when you commit to the letting go. (See, you just can't get around the pain part.)
5. From the mundane to the monumental, letting go hurts. Always has, always will. (Yes, a repeat of #2. It bears repeating.)
6. Acceptance is medicine. When you just accept that the pain of letting go is part of the deal, your let-go wound will heal faster.
7. Out of, say, 123 people I've talked to about letting go of all sorts of stuff - material and emotional - 88% of them wished they'd done it sooner, and 97% of them have no regrets whatsoever. Only 3% are still confused. When you let go, the odds are in your favour.

I've let go of a dizzying amount in a relatively short amount of time. In two years: a business, a marriage that ended lovingly but necessarily broke my heart (open), a home filled with things I chose with great intention. A friendship that grew so small it choked any possibility of newness. Bags of gorgeous clothes and jewelery. Boxes of well-loved books, and photos, and legal documents, and other evidence of how smart I thought I was back then. My proud stack of Dwell Magazines. Wedding shoes. Ambitions. My hair stylist.

By nature, I'm not a collector. I am, as my friend Marianne puts it, a ruthless, serial shedder. I was joking to a soul sister that If I let go of anything else, I'm not going to have a sofa to sit on, I'll be wearing flip flops in the winter, and only two people are going to come to my funeral. But I've surrendered to the endlessness of it. And it's a resolution that softens.

For me to shed even more (I'm on ShedVenture with Bindu Wiles and 155 other shedettes,) well, I'm getting close to the marrow these days. Thankfully. The marrow is the source of vitality.

Deep deep deep beneath constructs of time, and idealism, and things I "captured" along the way is the freedom that has been pulling me forward my whole life. Always forward.

(And BTW, Why do we need to capture memories? As if they need to be tamed and penned lest they get away. My memories can come and go as they please, they're much more meaningful that way. This might explain why I have next to no photos in my home. Anyway...)

So I'm still shedding -- taking deep breaths and actively letting go. I'm not waiting until I'm ready to let go. I've waited long enough. Carried stuff long enough. Longed long enough. For lightness. For that tender place on the other side of courage.

Empty your hands and your heart. Regularly.
Take deep breaths. Often.
And move stuff over and out.
Make space (what a creative act! space-making!)
The space is full of what you really need.

. . . . . . . . .

Next month my yoga homegirl Marianne Elliot is offering a special Karma version of her 30 days of yoga online course. It's usually $100 bucks, but this time she's inviting you to pay-what-you-can and she will donate all the money to HIV/AIDS projects in South Africa.

Heard all about the benefits of yoga but can't find the time (or courage) to get along to a class? This is for you. Been going to classes for years but struggle to practice regularly at home? This is for you too. Take care of yourself while you support a great cause. Registrations close 3 October. Check it out.

 

stop doing list: part 2 whereby i dictate what to stop

My What's Your Stop Doing List? yielded some cheers. And multiple poetic replies. So poetic that it raised my brow. My right eyebrow arches when I'm being scrutinizing in that really helpful keener (potentially annoying) way. All of the psycho-emotional lovely answers that poured in here and on Twitter and Facebook had me surmise that when it comes to literal to-do's that should be converted into to-don'ts, we habitually resist. My poll was partly a bust.

So I'm flagging the STOP SIGN. Because I want you to free up oodles of time to groove with the Great Essentials of life - and so you can read all the new books I'm launching. Priorities.

15 ACTIVITIES TO STOP DOING THAT WILL FREE YOUR TIME AND YOUR MIND...AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW

1. Stop checking email obsessively. Have you heard? If you're checking email every five minutes, you're checking it 24,00 times a year. Unclutterer.com has some good e-ddiction perspectives.
2. Stop paying everyone else before you pay yourself. It will ease your stress and less stress = more time. (Disclaimer: I have, more than once, paid my staff when there wasn't enough cash flow to pay me as well. That's just leadership.)
3. Stop lugging. Double up on tools. I have two sets of: power cords, mice, earphones, and makeup kits.
4. Stop last minute, rushing, drag-your-ass trips to the grocery store, bank, and video store. HAVE IT DELIVERED. Get a food delivery service for your organics, set up direct bank deposits and auto payments, get DVDs by mail.
5. Stop doing the tasks that are not in your natural skill set, or suck time from doing what you do best that earns the moula. OUTSOURCE. The upspringing of Virtual Assistants is a phenomenon that enables you to get anything done for anywhere from $4 to $70/an hour, from India to Nebraska, from Twitter pages to legal docs. Invest in your freedom.
6. Stop going out of your way to get to a computer. This may sound contradictory on a time-save list but, I think i-Phones can save time and create space. The "I don't want people to think they can get a hold of me anytime" argument is weak. Master your domain and give yourself the POWER OF MOBILITY.
7. Stop shopping for and buying gifts that need to be wrapped. It's a rule that means you buy experiences and gift certificates for things like, concert and conference tickets, magazine subscriptions, MP3s.
8. Stop cleaning your house yourself. I seethe with resentment when I'm cleaning my stove because I could be doing something I love that makes me money. I did the math: in the three hours it takes to really clean the house, I could do a Fire Starter Session or write an article that would bring me $300 to $3000. Or nap.
9. Stop with the perfectionism. Give people a chance to rise to the occasion. My kid can dress himself (rubber boots and surf shorts look great!) Staff can figure out most things (mistakes are useful.)
10. Stop doing it alone. Team with experts. A great coach, designer, consultant, can create quantum leaps.
11. Stop subscribing. Rather than just hitting delete, go through the steps (too many steps too often) to keep your inbox squeaky clean.
12. Stop taking home "free" stuff - pens, kitsch-filled gift bags from networking events, ugly volunteer t-shirts. You will spend time moving it around or pawning it off at your neighbour's yard sale.
13. Stop forcing yourself to finish every book you pick up because you think the ghost of your English teacher is watching.
14. Stop dying your hair. At least consider it. For that matter, examine all of your beauty synthetics and waxes and plucks and extensions and wonder how hot and less-stressed you'd be without all that maintenance. Acrylic nails do not help you be more successful. And my theory is that the world is rife with bottle-blondes who'd look much better as brunettes.
15. As for time-sucking fears and neuroses, maybe you need the 5 minute shrink appointment: (click to view video)

 

busy? ’nuff whining.

Click to watch this week's segment: me bitchin' about people bitchin' about being busy.

 

the upside of procrastination

Click here to view my Connect with Mark Kelly segment for this week on time management and why we should leave space to meander.

 

fear management vs. fear leadership

The song of an entrepreneur...
Secretly, I'm afraid we won't raise the money. But it's okay. I can plow through that fear. We'll raise the money, and everything will be okay. We'll raise the money and stand the business up. We'll have to hit our targets, get the customers in the door, run hard with the marketing plan. Yeah, it's scary. What if they don't come? What if they come but don't buy? What if they buy, but not enough? It's okay, I can manage that fear. It'll work. I'll make it work and everything will be okay. We'll do this.

What if you don't do it? What if you, say, "fail"? Does that mean that fear wins? How much do you need to be more than "okay"?

While we're busy managing fear, fear can be managing us. It's still creeping in, grabbing at our pant leg, begging to be paid attention to. And fear can always find a reason to get your attention - that's it's job - to get you to feed it. But what about the flu? (feed me!) But what about the market? (feed me!) But what about ten years from now? (feed me!) But what will they think? (feed me!)

Beyond coping with fear there is fearlessness. Because, here's the white hot truth: if you go bankrupt, you'll still be okay. If you lose the gig, the lover, the house, you'll still be okay. If you sing off key, get beat by the competition, have to hand in the keys, you will still be okay. Ask anyone who's been through it. They're more than okay. People survive and they learn to thrive. It's life. It's business.

Don't manage your fear. Lead your fear. Take charge. When fear climbs on your shoulder and starts nattering in your ear, here's what you do: You stand as a master. You tell Scaredy Cat where you're going, risks and all, and you convert Scaredy into a champion to help you get there. You say, lovingly but firmly (because ultimately the Scaredy Cat in you just wants some love and you've got plenty of it to give,) "Yep, we may fail, it's possible. This is risky shit. But we'll still be okay. Because that's who we are. We're the kind of people that are okay, no matter what. So remember that invincibility and let's get to work. There's a new land to discover and the only way to find it is to keep going - cliffs, cash flow, agony, adulation and all. If you keep your mouth shut and your eyes wide open, we'll get there sooner. We're doing this. We're doing this because we want to. Because this is what it means to do life."

And then watch what Scaredy Cat does. She'll look perplexed for a minute. She'll nuzzle up, as if to say thank you. And then she'll strut down the street to help you recruit some new business.

 

the psychedelics of strategic planning

The last time I did mushrooms, I was on my honeymoon. They were a wedding gift. (We have the best friends.) And the last time I dropped acid I was wearing shoulder pads and listening to The Flock of Seagulls. It's been a while. But since then, I've learned to alter my state, unassisted, and heighten my possibilities.

If you've done any psychedelic drugs you'll know that the "best" trips leave you expanded. You get a backstage pass to the Super Hero Concert of Life and you feel pretty freaking invincible. You see yourself in new shades and shapes. You score some privileged information. You come back to Earth with your groove on.

Wouldn't it be great to feel that mighty when you were mapping out your New Year, or writing your business plan? Wouldn't it be invigorating if, as you strategized, you really believed that anything was possible? That's the high of dreams. The divine stretch. Blue sky'ing. And it's essential to dynamic, robust strategies.

If you want a vital outcome, you need vitalized input. You gotta dance, shake it up, go extreme, hollah back and then come back to center where both possibility and pragmatism synergize. You've got to cross the line and get new information. That's why I ask some of my clients, "Look, if you, like dropped acid and wrote your business plan, what would it look like?" Works every time.

HOW TO UNLEASH YOUR STRATEGIC PLANNING POWER

1. The trip-prep: Analyze your dream fatigue. Sometimes you just get worn out from thinking big - especially entrepreneurs. Years of hard work, mid-course corrections, failures that lead to success, success that leads to failures. I've been there. After I left the company I co-founded last year, I could hardly bear to think about profit margins and wheeling new, big deals. I just wanted to write sutras and make soup. But dream fatigue will lift when you fully admit to it. Take stock, integrate your lessons - your new facts - and then move on, wiser for the wear. You simply cannot stop dreaming. You must, you must, dream a new dream.

2. Dream extreme. Loosen up. Unleash. Go wild. BE IMPRACTICAL. Get out of your box and stomp on it. Try egomania on for size. The phone rings. It's Oprah. Her staff have been reading your blog and they want to fly you to Chicago. Buddy in the cafe overhears you talking about your business plan and wouldn't you know it, he's a Venture Capitalist looking to unload some coin before the tax season ends. Your product is flying off the shelves. Bestseller. Soul mate. Awards. Radiance. Empire. The cover of Fast Company. TED Talks. Adulation. Overnight success. Euphoria.

FEEL THE HIGH OF THE EXTREME DREAM. Close your eyes and let your cells plump up with it. You should be peaking right about now.

3. While you're still tripping, imagine hanging with the Super Heroes of your industry. Assume that you are their contemporary. Ask for their grittiest stories and advice. Jam. Observe. Tell them your ideas, give them your pitch, sing them your song. Pay close attention to how they respond.

4. Come back to earth. Map out your plan - exactly from where you are. You may have found some courage or sagacity on the other side of the extreme dream. You may have imagined new possibilities. You may be thinking waaay bigger, or maybe much smaller, more precise. Either way, you'll know what super powers you want to focus on developing. And that's how you learn to fly. High.

. . . . . . . .

smart, kind, helpful people: my resource hot list

 

burning questions with the queen of uncluttering, erin doland

Erin Rooney Doland always impresses me. She's A+ organized, but not chilly 'n uptight about it. She's a ruthless time manager, but always has time to help. She hangs with Quakers and speaks to the high-powered women's groups. And she's smart, really smart.

She is: Editor-In-Chief of the uber popular Unclutterer.com, a Real Simple.com columnist, and a mama to a new baby and a new book: Unclutter Your Life in One Week: A 7-Day Plan to Organize Your Home, Your Office, and Your Life, with a foreword by David Allen and a glowing endorsement from my (other) favourite organizer, Peter Walsh.

Erin Doland's motto: simplicity is revolutionary. Clear the clutter so you can pursue what you love the most.

1. What do you know the most about? (more...)

 

burning questions with adam baker, debt ass-kicker + frugalmeister

Transparency makes me giddy. And simplicity makes me swoon. Ergo, my crush du jour: Baker. Adam Baker. Want to know how much money he really makes? He and his wife will give you the bare details. Want to know what he thinks about religion and money? He'll tell ya. This guy is so radically transparent, he'll even show his love handles. He's the ManVsDebt. Champion of frugality, accountability, and fat burning.

1. What is your purpose for money?
I want to dominate it. I want to be 100% debt-free, owe not one person a single cent. I want to have enough of it to not need anymore of it. I want it to be able to empower my other dreams, not restrict them. And I don't want to wait 40 years.

2. What questions in your life had the biggest impact?

• Today, if your doctor called and informed you that you had 24 hours left to live...what did you miss?
• Who did you not get to be?
• What did you not get to do?

3. What do you know to be true, unquestionably beyond doubt, certain with every cell of your being, completely, passionately, righteously certain?
Nothing. I'm always trying to learn and always trying to evolve. Certainty can be a blessing and a curse. I will give you this, I know I am extremely fortunate. I have a beautiful, healthy wife and daughter. I've always had access to food, water, shelter. I am CERTAIN that I am lucky and there are those far, far less fortunate in the world.

4. What book(s) are you always telling people to read?
I only try to refer people to books that have really, really had an impact on me:
Your Money or Your Life - Radically jolted my views on money (more...)

 

we know you’re busy. now shut up about it.

"So sorry, I've been busy."
"I'm just so busy with..."
"I've been too busy too..."

Busy? Get in line.

If I ever tell you that, “I’m so sorry that I've been too busy to...” then I'll pay $500 bucks to your favourite charity and get you a year supply of Haagen Dazs bars. Of course I'm busy. That's life. That's my life. That's most people's lives. Grown up humans tend to be...busy. Add kids, or business start ups, or illness into the mix and you have...much more of life to be busy about.

"I'm just so busy," is the typically gasping, rushed, whiny refrain that's become a contemporary anthem. It doesn't make us look more important, it makes us look just-this-side-of-frazzled. It's typically used as a lite apology, an excuse, a duck-out, as if your Life Master is making you do stuff that you don’t want to do. Even as a well-intended social pleasantry, "Sorry, I've been busy," has a little victim ring to it.

Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it - in the fullness of ambition and desire and wanting to eat life whole. Sometimes we take on to-do's and commit to climb mountains because our soul demands it. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and unrelenting demands. Sometimes busyness is the result of keeping up with the Joneses. Busy can be good. Busy can be bad. Busy is most often a choice.

The "busier than our predecessors...age of technology...workaholic culture," argument. I don't buy it. Yes, we appear to be more compulsive, less nuclear, and surviving on less sleep than the pioneers, but their lives were just as packed. They were extremely busy planting potatoes and raising barns, and surviving from sunup to sundown (they got more sleep than we average because, a) they didn't have the luxuries that light bulbs afford, and b) they did physically exhausting work.) The fifties housewife was just as busy. Before eco-evil but ever-so-handy tools like disposable diapers, the Swifer and microwaves, June Cleaver had to work it.

"Sorry, I've been busy," is often used to appease busy-bodies. - the kind of people who email you to double check if you got their email from yesterday, or their thank you note.

So what do you tell 'em when you're late? When you can't fit another moment into your daytimer, when you have to send regrets, or pass on a sweet opportunity? Tell them the truth. Report on life, rather than whining about it. Deliver it with ease or with pride if you're inclined. "Been in five cities in four weeks. The kid’s all had the flu. It's tax season, you know.” Let people meet you in your clear truth rather than your apologetic panic.

And sometimes, many times, you don't need to excuse yourself at all. Just show up. Present and accountable, full of life and it's demands. We all understand.

 

11 productivity tips that creative types already know

Creative types get typecast as meandering goal setters for a reason. They tend to meander. We resist structure (even tho' we crave it it.) We relish spontaneity (even tho' we're intrigued by five year goal setting plans.) We tend to be driven by inspiration (when we're not obsessed with looking good on paper, or to our parents - who still can't figure out how we make a living.) We get there in our own way and when the 'flow' works, we're so smokin' productive that pert charts and to-do lists cringe in the wake of our creative productivity. Creatives have a thing or two to teach the Linears and The Planners.

CREATIVE PRODUCTIVITY THAT WORKS FOR BOTH ARTISTES & A-TYPE PERSONALITIES:

1. APPROACH EVERYTHING AS A CREATIVE OPPORTUNITY. There is no separation between life and work. The same opportunities to express yourself or get great ideas are at the dinner table, in the stock exchange, and on the subway. Put yourself out there.

2. OBSESSION IS ESSENTIAL. Know your art and your science. Immerse yourself in the cultures you love and work in: read industry news, the teachings of spiritual masters and successful entrepreneurs, listen to what the people you serve are longing for, asking for, and leaning toward.

To foster obsession:
3. Read a LOT of magazines. And then read some more ... about things related and unrelated to your work, Scientific American and Vogue, Dwell and Rolling Stone. Magazines are intensified viewpoints that can expand your perspective in just a few pages.

4. Create a style file or inspiration box of stuff that you love. Photos, articles, fabric swatches, postcards. I have an antique sake box filled with strange and lovely stuff. Sometimes I close my eyes and reach in to see what comes up - an Elvis coaster, a Zen koan torn from a divinity school program, an old essay or concert ticket.

5. Watch dox. I’m a documentary-phile (always looking for versions of the truth,) which gives me all sorts of weird, tragic, breathtaking imagery, inspiration, and facts to work with.

6. Engage with people that you don’t hangout with. Ask them big questions. Ask the cab driver what crazy stuff he's seen as a cab driver, ask your friend's teenager what they think about the future, ask your bank teller what it's like to work with money all day.

To keep moving forward:

7. GIVE UP QUICKLY. If something feels like a drag and is not generating the right response ... drop it like a hot potato. As Seth Godin says in his book, The Dip, “Fail fast.”

In order to give up quickly, you have to...

8. COURAGEOUSLY EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. When something feels very wrong, totally uninspiring, say so ... to yourself and your team. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you give up, it may spin you off into a better solution.

So that you can:

9. STICK WITH IT. If something feels fun, glimmering, exciting, and even one person has expressed wanting it from you ... explore every angle about how to make it work.

And be assured that:

10. BACKWARDS IS FORWARDS. Know that there is no such thing as waste. A painted canvass that didn’t turn out, a pilot group that fizzled, it’s all useful. I trash stuff and start from scratch often. Sometimes, especially in terms of web development, you start knowing that you’ll have to scrap half of what you build down the road - starting over is never really starting over. It’s life.

Which allows you to:

11. CELEBRATE OTHER PEOPLE’S CREATIVITY AND PROSPERITY. Honoring other people’s creativity and success helps shake loose our own brilliance. Whether it’s a hot website, a terrific outfit on the street, or a well known author - go out of your way to say, “You’re great!” “Way to go!” “I love what you’ve created.”

And then keep on creating for yourself. Ever so productively.