buddhism

7 tiny big life shifters

This summer was about deeper healing for me. Bod', psyche, bank account, relationships...relating...creating. Change can be radical but the steps to healing are usually small >> sequential >> interconnected.

This is how some of it came together for me. I:

1. Let go of my "check-my-email-in-the-morning-guilt." Screw it. I LIKE to check my email first thing in the morning. It doesn't mean that I'm a distracted workaholic, it means I'm an excited Creative who loves her friends and new friends and what she does with her day...life >> this actually led to LESS email checking throughout the day >> more creative space >> deeper meditation >> clearer ideas.

2. Got a mean blender machine. This led to smoothies >> more complex smoothies with bee pollen and greens and ginger >> less wasted food (cause you can just throw it in the blender!) >> healthier lunches >> feeling great(er) in the evening >> great enough to get my smoothie ass to evening yoga class.

3. Bought a two month pass at local yoga studio. The psychological grip of wanting to get my money's worth led to doing yoga at least 3x/week >> riding my bike more on the days I couldn't make it to yoga because I wanted to stretch >> feeling so good about riding + getting my money's worth, that I committed to an 18-month yoga pass.

4. Committed to doing 100,000 Heart Sutra mantras. I got this, like, "assignment" from a Buddhist Lama who's been good enough to humor my big Q's about consciousness. "Do 100,000 Prajnaparamitas and get back to me," he said. "Is that all ya got for me, Chief?!" Well, only 96,000 to go! Realistically, it will take me a few years to accomplish this, (unless I drop out of society and chant days on end for months.)

It's RADICAL for me to commit to something and NOT drive for velocity and accomplishment, but rather, devote myself to the journey itself. This has led to a deeper surrender to my creative impulses >> which in turn led to me giving myself permission to write a whole new book two years sooner than I had planned...but not in a rush >> which inspired me to take a lot of the summer off.

5. Started consciously smiling, gently, mostly internally, during meditation and on walks. This is probably the slightest but most effectual lil' thing I've done recently. Smiling effects brain chemistry. It's a reminder of your true nature. It let's the light in. It's shifting me.

Try it. Close your eyes. Feel a smile behind your face. (IMPORTANT: There is no need to bust out in a cheesy, forced grin. That's bad news.) Just let the corners of your mouth curl gently upwards. On the phone, falling asleep, right now...feel a smile.

6. I read Geneen Roth's Women Food & God. >> which led to the blender (see #1) >> which led to all sorts of delicious awareness. Roth has written a book of monumental importance in terms of our wellness. Want to convert years and pounds of toxic thinking and self-criticism into freedom-fuel? Read it and set yourself free. It is, as the subtitle puts it, an unexpected path to almost everything.

7. I read Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer >> which made me consider the more abstract and magical ways to tell happy-painful-true-imagined stories >> which inspired me to recapitulate all of the great stories and 'isms that my little boy and I have >> in to sitting down and writing our very stories together >> deeper love.

>> healing.

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Please check out the love and get your own copy for back to school brilliance.

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got boundaries? got class?

e·qua·nim·i·ty
–noun
mental or emotional stability or composure, esp. under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium.

Origin: aequ, even, plain, equal + anim, mind, spirit, feelings
Synonyms: serenity, self-possession, aplomb.
Antonyms: panic, disquiet, discomposure, agitation.

GOT BOUNDARIES?
Self respect. Not suffering fools. Not throwing pearls before swine. Being seen, heard, felt. Speaking up for yourself. Original Voice.
Radical self care. Authenticity. Self-soothing. Practice. Ritual. Honouring your needs so you can honour other's. Self referencing. Proudly particular.

All great concepts. Essential to wholeness. Critical for self expression, creativity, and dignity. Doorways to consciousness.

And...potential love-blockers.

YOU KNOW THE TYPE: They've worked so hard to get this far that the world just isn't good enough. They have their issues in check. They have special food requests. They're rather sensitive. You have to make special trips for them. When they talk last in meetings, it's likely to run overtime. They've crafted a system of hard-won self-help philosophies that seemingly entitles them to accommodations wherever they go. They're really annoying.

But wait. Back to me, me, moi....

I've spent so many hours in psychotherapy, and retreats, and boardrooms clarifying my "needs" vs. "wants" vs. "the hungry ghost" vs. "healthy expectations" that when I "surrender" to someone else's "way" it can feel like a stick in my spokes of dignity (and I paid a lot for that dignity.) Such is the foible of Western spirituality. Me first, You next.

But at this point, I'm tender and tough enough to know what love is and isn't. And...

Sometimes, the most enlightened, classy, and loving thing you can do is shut up and put up.

You eat the meat they serve even tho' you're a vegetarian.
You take the tacky gift; you find the common ground in your opposing politics; you smile, darling. And here's the thing: you mean it when you do it.
You suspend being right, or more evolved, or protected, and you intend loving equanimity - because you can.

You accept and flex because it expands you - and that's only good.
You soften because it feels really amazing for everyone involved - guaranteed.
You say thank you because elegance makes the world a better place.

When you become the conduit for graciousness you get stronger, truer, freer and more fiercely alive.

Which is the whole reason we create boundaries in the first place.

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NEWSY BITS

Yay! The Fire Starter Sessions Pay-What-You-Can-Day extravaganza made BusinessWeek.com! READ THE ARTICLE.

I'm in the World-Changing Writing Workshop-In-A-Box! It's dark in here, but there's lots of great company. CHECK IT OUT.

VANCOUVER: I'm speaking at the Get Shifted event on September 9. GET SHIFTED.

 

you’re not that important

This is Part One of a two part exercise. Repeat: this is not a philosophical declaration to carry around in your heart. Rather, it's a soul-teaser to wind through your bean and shake up some thought forms.

The world will go on if
: you don't show up at work.
: you don't post to your blog tomorrow.
: you cancel the meeting.
: you stay in bed all day.
: you don't sign the contract.
: you don't answer the phone.
: you don't check your email.
: you leave town.

CEO, #1, Captain, President, The Leader.
Who cares. It's just business, moving parts, day to day. You can be replaced.

Mother. Father. Teacher.
Aside from single parents caring for little ones, you're just not the only influence in your children's lives. They may not even want to stick around when they grow up. You may never be thanked. They will find their way with or without you.

Lover. Partner. So-called Significant Other.
Replaceable. And God knows, as a partner, you can certainly be improved upon.

You're one in a about six and half billion. A speck. A blink in the eye of God. A nano micro weeny zip in the eons of time and vastness of space. No one's happiness really depends on you - no one's. People can take care of themselves like they always have. It's most likely that one hundred years from now, nobody will so much as mention your name.

You're just passing through, and times flies.

Life will go on with or without you.

How does it feel to consider that?

Tune in tomorrow for Part Two.

 

can you blow it all away? my day with the monks

This weekend my son and I ended up at a Sand Mandala ceremony guided by Tibetan Monks. I just vaguely remembered that something about monks was going on at the Chinese Gardens, and we just happened to arrive as the ceremony was beginning. And there was a prayer carpet in the front row that was just the right size for us to sit together, crossed legged and curious. When things are that charmed, I always pay closer attention.

The creation of sand mandalas is a ritual in the impermanence of life. Incredibly complex patterns are painstakingly built by trinkling grains of coloured sand into their microscopic places. Mandalas can take many weeks to construct - not a grain out of place. And then...the mandala is swept into the wind, the sea, or smeared up into a pile of nothing but sacred sand and given to worshipers or carried to the river by procession.

All that work. Then poof! Since not many of us have worked in the medium of sand, try this metaphor on for size: imagine covering a 5 × 5 foot canvas working with only the teeny tiniest brush. You work round the clock for weeks, barely eating. Eyes stinging, hands cramped. The perfect masterpiece of meaningful complexity - worthy of the Louvre. Instead of a gallery show or collecting a commission, you take it out back and burn it.

Or...imagine building a successful company from just an idea; weaving a marriage together for years; growing a community; a garden; a belief system that guides your entire life... and letting it all go, just walking away. No leverage, no strings, no regrets.

Could you do it?

I think I could. I think I might.

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pssst...I've decided to tweak my "I'm Loving Mondays" regular feature to simply, "I'm loving..." and run it when I'm inspired. The Monday thing was feeling too restrictive. That said - look for an "I'm loving..." post tomorrow! It'll be a good one.
xo
D

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my upcoming speaking gigs

 

the Dalai Lama looked me in the eye and said, women rule! (in so many words)

A little story to start the weekend...

TO INDIA WE GO
Just about to turn thirty, I was given a rare opportunity to have a private audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama. “Hey kid,” my boss said on the other end of the phone, “I think I’ve got us a meeting with the Dalai Lama ... at his place in India. You in?”

I had no idea how I was going to swing three weeks in India, the flight from Seattle to New Delhi, Delhi to Bangalore and back. “Yeah, I’m in.” And like most things meant to be, the money showed up at the right time and I showed up in smelly Delhi with high expectations. (more...)

 

inhale suffering, exhale compassion: tonglen meditation

I've shopped the mall of meditation since my early twenties. I've tried Vipassna, and guided visualization, and Transcendental Meditation, among others. Vipassna helps empty my mind, but I find it punishing. It's taken me a long time to admit (lest I appear spiritually whimpy,) that Vispassna isn't for me.

Guided visualizations can be useful, but you have to be sharp-minded. Guided imagery can manufacture illusions of grandeur.

My choice: tonglen meditation. "Tonglen" is Tibetan for sending and taking. (more...)

 

start where you are: pema chodron

I've given away at least a dozen copies of this book. I've given away my last tattered treasured copy, saying, "You must have this, go now." And then gone out immediately to replace my copy because my book shelf feels anemic without it. Needless to say, Pema Chodron's Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living, would be one of my stranded-on-an-island book picks.

The heart of the book is Buddhist mind training "slogans."
Divine dictums like:

• Examine the nature of unborn awareness.
• Don't ponder others.
• Abandon any hope of fruition.
• All activities should be done with one intention.
• Don't expect applause.

As Chodron puts it, "The basic notion is that we can make friends with what we reject, what we see as 'bad' in ourselves and in other people. At the same time, we could learn to be generous with what we cherish, what we see as 'good'. If we begin to live this way, something in us that may have been buried for a long time begins to ripen."

Juicy cosmic fruit.

 

on the joy of getting real

 

The Book, Alan Watts

On the taboo against knowing who you are

 

Zen Ties, Jon Muth

quiet, big lessons