White Hot

the declaration of deserving…just because you’re here

I've been asking around: "What do you think you're entitled to?" "What do you know that you deserve?"

Mikki Baloy Davis, a Facebook friend nailed it with this: "I'm always curious about this question...for me it brings up the distinction between "deserving" - which implies reward or merit - and "worthy" which is unconditional." I got a witness.

Holy-loaded questions will get you some passionate answers: "I'm not entitled to a damn thing. But I deserve love." "I don't deserve anything, everything needs to be earned." "I'm entitled to be on the planet, I work for the rest." "I deserve right pay for right work...a foot rub and to be fanned and fed grapes...no less, no more than another...to be seen, heard, acknowledged...love, respect, fun, and money. Love...Love...Love..."

We're such hard workers. Hardened, some of us, from working so hard to deserve what we want. Working to earn. Earning more...work. Earning your keep is a viscous cycle, you know. Where as, believing in your implicit worth liberates you to create more value for the world you serve.

Of course, people with entitlement issues are goddamn irritating. They want more than they're willing to give upfront. They operate in a fog of hunger and conflicting intentions. Entitled types are frantic below the surface because they don't trust that they can feed themselves. What they need is a long hug and then to be sent off for some solo time, without credit cards.

Deserving and worthiness...these are the notions that get to the pulse of our consciousness and esteem.

If you don't believe you have the right to be here, there will never be enough space for your true self to show up. If you think you need to earn your actual desires, you're putting miles, years, between you and fulfillment. So many of us don't even give ourselves permission to want what we want. This is the great tragedy of a malnourished spirit.

a declaration of deserving:

You are worthy of your desires. Really wanting what you want gives you the power to get it. You were born free. (The more you try to earn your freedom, the more trapped you become.) You are worthy of love and respect. Lovable.

You deserve
: eye contact
: smiles in the morning
: food made with pure intention
: clean drinking water, fresh air
: Hello, Please, Thank you.
: time to think about it
: a chance to show them what you're made of
: a second chance
: an education
: health care, including dental
: multiple orgasms
: weekends and the summer off
: 8 hours of sleep
: play before work
: to change your mind
: to say no
: to say yes
: to have your deepest needs met
: to be seen
: to be loved for what is seen.

You deserve all this just because you showed up.
Yep, you're that monumental.

 

when it’s time to stop healing and bust outta purgatory (and what my crush on ed harris has to do with enlightenment)

Jumping for joy can be counter-intuitive when you've been despairing long term. Your cells become expectant of disappointment. The repetition of compromise settles into your muscles and makes reflexes happen. Grey. Less than luminous. Not ideal. In-between half vital and half wanting more. In-between kinda dying and kinda living, a space which can very often be healing, confusing, and wonderfully risky.

Tibetan Buddhists call the place between death and rebirth the Bardo. Catholics have Purgatory. When my Priest explained Purgatory to us in Grade Two, I super-double-dipped-chocolate-vowed to get into heaven, not so much to avoid the flames of hell, but to avoid the total drag of being stuck in between worlds in the Purgatory waiting room of "not quite good enough" losers.

In-between can be terrifically uncomfortable. Like healing, which can be itchy and tight and arduous. And after a while, we can actually manage to get comfortable there, accustomed to the restraints, the warmth of the bandages, tired of how demanding it can be to take good care of ourselves. And so we keep waiting for the fog to lift, naturally. We await the will of heaven. We wait for the meds to kick in. We wait, because, you know, "time heals all things." (Time, by the way, is not the actual healer. Consciousness is.) And we keep waiting to be healed.

Waiting to be healed can be a tragic form of compromise. When we're so close to vitality and freedom, we can be lulled by the self-comfort that has served it's purposed, by the luxury of respites, by the mercy of slow death. Like I said, "in-between" can be risky business. No Buddhist wants to get stuck in the Bardo -- they want to come back to life.

The final stages of healing do not necessarily call for organic clearing, but rather, the soul skill of transmutation: intentionally altering your course. Think: wizardry, high-priestess, impassioned agents of change. Think: like God.

TRANSMUTATION, and what my favorite sci-fi movie has to do with getting on with your life...

The Abyss is one of my fave sci-fi movies of the 90's. A crew of ocean scientists head to new depths of the ocean and it gets rogue and extraterrestrial pretty fast. The scene: Mr. Sexy Sea Captain, "Bud", played by Ed Harris, and his movie ex-wife, "Lindsey", played by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, are trapped in an underwater capsule that's rapidly filling up with water. It's dire.

They need to swim back to the mother ship to safety. There's only one oxygen mask and two of them. The distance is a few meters too far to make it without an air supply. Because Bud is a stronger swimmer, Lindsey decides that she will effectively let her self drown, and then Bud can wear the oxygen mask and swim with her back to the ship to quickly resuscitate her.

I searched high and low to find the complete scene for you online. I really want you to see the part where she is inhaling water and letting her body die, while Bud masks up and prepares to swim her to the ship. It's deeply moving. It is so metaphorical for the times in your life where you take a deep breath and decide let it all go - it is the intentional leap into the liminal bardo where we can only trust that we will find life on the other side.

But, I couldn't find THAT scene (and James Cameron didn't return my call.) Howevah, what you can view here is the most riveting, moving, nerve-clenching conclusion of that moment where Bud fights for Lindsey's life.

And THIS is where I get to my point about healing and Transmutation Time:

There comes a time to fight your way out of purgatory. Assess what you learned, bow to your healing process, and tear off the band-aids. Burn things. This is the time to make announcements and head out into the world even if your skin is a bit tender, even if you are limping now.

You bust out of the in-between when you declare that you.have.decided.to.live. No matter what. Such as you are, you are here, and you are ready for more.

WAIT! THIS, JUST IN! The drowning scene was sent to me after I published this post! (Thank you, Dawn). Watch this first, and then the YouTube video above: http://movieclips.com/sTUM-the-abyss-lindsey-drowns/0/132.633/

(un-copyrighted YouTube videos have a way of disappearing. If you can't view this video, go to YouTube and type in, "The Abyss movie" and you'll find this scene)

. . . . . . .

Come to life with me and about 150 amazing chicks in New York November 12 - 14.

Rich, Happy & Hot LIVE is a 2.5 day live event held in NYC, November 12th - 14th at Donna Karan's Urban Zen Foundation. The event is Friday night 7-10PM, while Saturday and Sunday are full days. RHH LIVE is a one-of-a-kind combination of marketing and sales training PLUS the best personal development training in the world.

I'm revving up for my best presentation, ever. Check it out.

 

7 things I know about active letting go. (sure beats waiting.)

Note: "active letting go" is not to be mistaken for "passive letting go", whereby life rips stuff out of your grip, or you paint yourself into a corner, or things get so heavy they stop you in your tracks and you have to ditch them just to carry on. Active letting go is a little more...pro-active. It's a practice. It's awake. It's somewhat delightful (except for the agony of it.)

7 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT ACTIVE LETTING GO:

1. There's always more to let go of. It's endless and it's beautiful because it's endless. Just surrender to the endlessness of it.
2. Typically, letting go is painful – in varying degrees, from wince to damn near crippling, it's gonna hurt. Fact.
3. Hard leads to soft. Imagine ripping off a bandage; dropping an heirloom off at the thrift store and resolving to not go back to get it; kissing him or her that way for the last time and tearing yourself away because you need to grow in the other direction; boarding the plane with a heavy heart… When you steel the nerve to be tough enough to let go, you crossover over a sacred line. And on the other side, Tenderness is waiting for you, and She's very proud and she's very encouraging.
4. Baby steps are okay, but you can't avoid the pain that surfaces when you commit to the letting go. (See, you just can't get around the pain part.)
5. From the mundane to the monumental, letting go hurts. Always has, always will. (Yes, a repeat of #2. It bears repeating.)
6. Acceptance is medicine. When you just accept that the pain of letting go is part of the deal, your let-go wound will heal faster.
7. Out of, say, 123 people I've talked to about letting go of all sorts of stuff - material and emotional - 88% of them wished they'd done it sooner, and 97% of them have no regrets whatsoever. Only 3% are still confused. When you let go, the odds are in your favour.

I've let go of a dizzying amount in a relatively short amount of time. In two years: a business, a marriage that ended lovingly but necessarily broke my heart (open), a home filled with things I chose with great intention. A friendship that grew so small it choked any possibility of newness. Bags of gorgeous clothes and jewelery. Boxes of well-loved books, and photos, and legal documents, and other evidence of how smart I thought I was back then. My proud stack of Dwell Magazines. Wedding shoes. Ambitions. My hair stylist.

By nature, I'm not a collector. I am, as my friend Marianne puts it, a ruthless, serial shedder. I was joking to a soul sister that If I let go of anything else, I'm not going to have a sofa to sit on, I'll be wearing flip flops in the winter, and only two people are going to come to my funeral. But I've surrendered to the endlessness of it. And it's a resolution that softens.

For me to shed even more (I'm on ShedVenture with Bindu Wiles and 155 other shedettes,) well, I'm getting close to the marrow these days. Thankfully. The marrow is the source of vitality.

Deep deep deep beneath constructs of time, and idealism, and things I "captured" along the way is the freedom that has been pulling me forward my whole life. Always forward.

(And BTW, Why do we need to capture memories? As if they need to be tamed and penned lest they get away. My memories can come and go as they please, they're much more meaningful that way. This might explain why I have next to no photos in my home. Anyway...)

So I'm still shedding -- taking deep breaths and actively letting go. I'm not waiting until I'm ready to let go. I've waited long enough. Carried stuff long enough. Longed long enough. For lightness. For that tender place on the other side of courage.

Empty your hands and your heart. Regularly.
Take deep breaths. Often.
And move stuff over and out.
Make space (what a creative act! space-making!)
The space is full of what you really need.

. . . . . . . . .

Next month my yoga homegirl Marianne Elliot is offering a special Karma version of her 30 days of yoga online course. It's usually $100 bucks, but this time she's inviting you to pay-what-you-can and she will donate all the money to HIV/AIDS projects in South Africa.

Heard all about the benefits of yoga but can't find the time (or courage) to get along to a class? This is for you. Been going to classes for years but struggle to practice regularly at home? This is for you too. Take care of yourself while you support a great cause. Registrations close 3 October. Check it out.

 

the manifesto of encouragement

right now:

There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.

Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.

Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.

Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.

A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, "nourish them."

Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you -- for free.

Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.

The next great song is being rehearsed.

Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.

Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.

Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they'll be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.

Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want -- and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it's reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "So worth the wait."

Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche -- this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.

Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest.

Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.

Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.

Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.

. . . . . . .

So...Why do you want what you want?
Get THE AUTHENTIC DREAMING WORKSHEET
when you subscribe to WhiteHotTruth.com.
Go to the upper right box, next to me smiling...at you.

xo

 

escaping? from what? your pain? or your power?

Escapism. Most new age gurus say we're expert in it. I can't disagree. We're distracted. Denatured. We're overbooked. We tend to be disconnected from our divine nature, the food we eat, the shit we buy, the eyes we look into -- our own and others.

We buffer-numb out-avoid-distract ourselves with TV, caffeine, drugs, getting off, gossiping, complaining, and otherwise meaningless conversation, shopping (more aptly, "stuffing"), working working tweeting surfing work email work work -– all to avoid feeling particular things. This is what the Buddhists would call "The Principle of Death." Keep it safe, keep it small. At all costs, avoid life.

The self-help book aisle is busting with the theory that what we're running from is our demons. Sadness, grief, emptiness, loneliness. Pain.

PAIN MANAGEMENT
Personally, I haven't run from my pain. I compensated for it. I spent so much time accommodating it, "working with it", paying attention to it –- NOT avoiding it, that I neglected my very agency and power: my joy. Unbridled, unabashedly sweet, essential joyousness.

I'm recovering Metaphysical Overachiever. After I got done being a good Catholic girl I moved on to being a Good New Age Girl. Subtly, I just swapped one gospel with the other. I just wanted to get it right, you know. I was up for facing demons. Bring them on -- and the more analysis the better. Crusading all the way.

Continually staring down your demons can be an act of avoidance all it's own.
Recapitulating the reasons for your hurts, and isms, and faults can become addictive in and of itself.
Eventually, you have to stop picking a fight with your true nature and decide to seek the joy that underlies it All.

BLISS IS BIG
I got caught up enough in going where the pain was ("brave", "evolved",) that I avoided going where the delight was. And here's what I figured out, (later than I hoped but just in time): I have not shied from pain, oh no. I have shied from ecstasy. Surprisingly, (thankfully!) ecstasy is quite patient. After all, she starts with a slow burn.

When I take the certain routes to awakeness, through the portals of breathing, laughter, stillness, spontaneity; when I exercise the courage to not fill up space with empty conversation, with the tube, with busyness, it's not my pain that I most often meet in such presence -- it's my power.

When I override my senses, refuse to bend, when I check my email just one more time before I make time for me, when I eat even though I'm full, when I hold myself back from a bursting expression of "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" because I don't want to be too much, it's not my pain that I'm avoiding -- it's my very life force.

So which of these concepts would you rather investigate?:

"avoiding your pain"
or
"avoiding your power"

The cosmic twist is that both routes lead home. But how you make the trip to enlightenment is up to you. Pack light.

 

11 wisdoms that you can turn into cash…and crazy love

or: WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THE HUMAN SPIRIT + MONEY ON MY 41st BIRTHDAY

So I did this Pay What You Can Day (hereto referred to as PWYCD) for THE FIRE STARTER SESSIONS. On my birthday. Recently. Many people cheered me on for "clever marketing!" And hey, I did come out of the womb with my own press release, but, you know, this wasn't solely driven by a marketing impulse. I love the sentiment of giving gifts on your birthday. Giving feels good on any day. The PWYCD notion came to me just a few days before May 25 and, truly, I thought, Hey, what the hell? If, like 70 people get in on the deal, that'd be sweet. Ha! SEVEN HUNDRED+ e-books later, we lit up the sky with crazy delight and motivation.

What happened behind the scenes:
I went for a salt scrub that morning and when I came up for air to check my iPhone I almost fell off my lounger. Gobsmacked, as the Londoners say. My VA, Dawn and I just about keeled from the comments and the emails. (It took Dawn nearly two weeks to sort out the messages, PayPal invoices, currency exchanges, cheques, and special requests.) I got in my car and had to have a boo-happy-hoo. The stories sent to my personal email address were heart-stretching, sobering, inspiring. The outpouring of love and appreciation was stunning, and (and this is what moved me so deeply,) the spontaneous generosity sparked amongst White Hot visitors, well, that just about did me in. Between the spa steam, chocolate cake, and the PWYCD affection, I was a stun bunny.

It was a life-affirming, wisdom-bolstering, humbling event that ranks in the Top 3 highlights of my career (and birthdays!) Here's what it confirmed:

11 Wisdoms That You Can Convert to Cash + Crazy Love

1. Creativity + Aspiration = INGENUITY. And ingenuity wins, every time.

Make up your mind to make an effort and then make it up as you go.

"Here is a promise and my offer. 1) I will pay this gift forward. 2) I will hold you in the Light with an intention for abundant blessings on you, your family, your ventures, and your efforts to make the world a better place. 3) I'll send you 10% of every payment I receive from every client until the entire $150 is paid off."
- Eydie

"If I sell a painting this week, I'll send you $100. If I don't sell anything, will $41 do?"
- Lisa

2. Initiative and specificity are sexy.

"I've got $37.80 in my PayPal account. It's yours. Right now. (I wish it were so much more.) I will Tweet your praises and send you a full testimonial within two weeks of receiving the book."
- Andi

3. Humility is the inroad to conviction.

The stories of hardship, and resiliency, and exceptional wealth that were so open-heartedly shared with me from women and men in four different countries...well, be still my heart. I had flashbacks to my own days in the New Mexico welfare office after I'd lost three clients in two weeks. I had flash-forwards to my intentions for sweeping financial freedom.

"I am a broke, unfunded graduate student & I work part time and a children's bookstore to feed my belly while I stoke my soul. I'd like to offer $30, a multiple of three, a great fairy tale number. And when my first book is published, you'll be in the Acknowledgments.
- Natasha

"My situation: I am currently unemployed - but am stirred up, expectant, and on purpose. I hope to use your vook to successfully launch a blog of my own. I am most humbled by your generosity and am offering to pay $75 USD."
- Rah

"I'm a single mom of two, getting food stamps, with plenty of ambition and smarts and vision. I'm good for $30 this month."
- Sasha

Sharing your story is the surest way to create a unified field of empathy. And empathy moves mountains.

4. Generous people have more to give.

"Danielle, I'd like to offer $150 but in a spread-the-love way. I'd like to:
1. give $50 directly to you,
2. give $50 to whichever of these (http://u.nu/366pa) Gulf oil spill rescue & cleanup initiatives you'd like me donate to, &
3. give a final $50 on behalf of someone who can't afford to pay anything at all for the sessions because they've done something very brave (like for instance, a woman leaving an abusive relationship with her young kids)"
- Kye

(This gesture of Kye's started a domino affect. We gave out about a dozen Fire Starter Sessions "scholarships" and paired up the donor with the recipient.)

"I would like to humbly offer you $28.44. I know this is not a lot and does not do justice to the work that you have put in to your Fire Starter Sessions. I am offering you this amount because it is the entire amount of extra money that have outside of the finances that I have put aside for rent and other similar things. If you accept my offer, I promise that I will pay it forward and make sure to share both my experience with the Fire Starter Sessions and the generosity that you have shown. I can also send some vegan baked goods your way."
- Lexi

"I would like to offer you $25 for the FSS. In addition, here is my deal to you:
~ Within the next 6 months, I will pay the remaining $125 to pay the full amount.
~ By your 42nd birthday, I will not only book an actual Fire Starter Session with you, but I will also pay another $150 so that someone who either cannot swing today's offer or does not know about it can enjoy FSS, too."
- Mary

"Offering $75 for FSS and $75 for the Gulf clean up efforts - just let me know which one of those charities you prefer."
- CJ

"I can pay $50 for Fire Starter Sessions and in a month or two give another $50 to my friends organization in Haiti on your behalf." Check http://www.fida-pch.org "
- Bronwyn

"I love this idea so much that I'm offering $200. I've had a tab open on your site since you launched, planning to buy when the moment was right. I'd say this is it."
- Oroboros

5. Giving begets giving.

This flipped me right 'round:

"I'd like to gift a copy to my fabulous friend Jo Hanlon-Moores. She is brilliant and funny and talented. And her business is growing from a little acorn. I want to bring her some fire :)"
- Sas Lockey

"I can pay the full amount and am going to because your amazingly generous offer reminded me of just how very lucky we are and we live our lives by these three words - dignity, integrity and love. I hope that by paying in full I can help subsidize a copy for someone else."
- Sophie

"I'd like to give you $100 directly for the Fire Starter Sessions, and $50 to a charity of your choice."
- Melissa

6. You must heed the impulse to give. Generosity is a core muscle that your whole being can move on.

"Today has been full of unexpected gifts and I am now able to increase my offer to $100. Reading the comments in response to your generous offer I am struck by the power of sharing our gifts. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity within my own work, and you've inspired in me a grand vision for an annual pay-as-you-can gift to my extended community."
- Sarah Juliusson

7. When you give people a break, they want to -- and usually will -- go the distance for you.

"I wanted to ask for FSS for $50, but I can actually afford the full price if I'm honest. But your generosity forces me to either pay in full or not at all. Sigh. Stupid freakin integrity..."
- Andrew Lightheart

"I only have about $50 extra bucks a month, but I want to pay the full price because I know it's worth it."
- Sam

"I'd love to pay the full $150, but with the tight spot I'm in, $40 would make my heart smile. I hope that works for you. I'd be honored to pay the balance, or make a donation to charity in your name, once my business is up and running."
- Brian

"I sold three memberships to my small site today, so that's $60. I'd like to offer that as payment for the course right now."
- Magpie Girl

8. Scarcity creates anxiety.

(This fact alone gives me cause to never do another time-sensitive event like this. I'm not saying that I won't but...whoa.) We were bowled over by dozens of emails to this affect: "Did you accept my offer?" Some people left their price offer as a blog comment, then emailed me AND my VA, and also messaged me on Twitter, and in some cases, also left a message on Facebook. The sense of urgency was...urgent! I was shocked, because, in my mind (which of course I expected thousands of people to read), I intended to honour a huge range of offers. Need + want + restriction = urgency. And the tighter the restriction, the more likely that urgency will turn into anxiety.

9. Money makes people get all weird n' stuff.

Money is like a chemical. Some chemicals mix nicely with other chemicals, some don't. With my PWYCD experiment, some folks got downright demando, "I left my comment/offer this morning and I STILL haven't heard back from you." Chill. And I'm not saying to back off just 'cause you got a hot deal (tho' that is a factor,) I'm saying chill because "chill" is generally better for world peace and your complexion. When money and trust occupy the same space, things move forward.

10. Generosity + healthy boundaries clearly communicated = ahhhh.

It's fair to say that in the (now distant) past, I may have had some uh, boundary issues with my giving nature. So although I very clearly stated in the PWYCD announcement: "This offer expires at midnight PST May 25, just like my birthday does. And I'm serious about it." I was still fretting about the possibilities of pleading, after-the-fact requests. But I only got a couple of such requests and they were so gracious and dignified and sincere, that it was a total (healthy) pleasure to honour them.

11. Humanity is, on the whole, generous, loving and kind. People want to give.

And when you operate on that foundational premise, you are actively allowing amazing things to happen.

QUESTIONS?
I'm opening up this conversation to answer any questions about the behind the scenes happenings, technological do's and snafus, emotions, and outcomes of the PWYCD extravaganza. Let 'em fly!

And...thank you.

Ever true,

. . . . . . . . .

$150 for the full-tilt FIRE STARTERS SESSIONS love.

And! $5 from every copy goes to the charity you choose:
The Acumen Fund or Women for Women International

Click here to view the full
Table of Contents!

 

the sacred yes we wish for…and warrant

I used to think I was weak n' needy for wanting my "big break." I dreamed of being discovered. I toyed with the willingness to enter some Svengali deal where an agent dude or silver foxy dada would see my raw talent and shape me into a formidable star--a fresh new voice on the scene. I longed for Someone Really Important to give me a Yes that would change my life.

One day, that Yes came.

My first literary agent is one of the most powerful people in the business. With an agency roster like Malcolm Gladwell, Al Gore, Camille Paglia, Michael Moore, Jane Fonda, Anderson Cooper, even Danielle Steel...publishers and producers trip over themselves to take her her call. The day she signed me, my life changed. I was in bed for the teleconference. 10am EST, 7am PST. It was snowing out. She was extolling the merits of the book proposal, and in my state of stunned glee, I had to interrupt. "May I ask a question?" I said. "Does all this meaning that you're taking on the project?"

She laughed. "Yes!"

I had it. It felt like someone had lifted the red velvet curtains to my heart. I hung up the phone and cried. And I thought to myself, "God really wants me to do my work, 'cause this is it."

It's natural to crave the sacred Yes. Ideally, you give yourself the Yes first. That self-love methodology is all neat and tidy and evolved. But I think you still get evolution bonus points even if it takes a dozen power people to convince you that you are fabulous. Neil Young said that he didn't know for sure if he was talented until his albums sold. Fair enough.

It's the kernel of our humanity to want to be seen, recognized, understood--celebrated, even. And when that kernel is watered, magic tends to proliferate.

The sacred yeses you get don't have to be exceptional or prestigious or catapulting. The yeses can be votes of confidence, offerings of counsel, connections, a bitta cash when you need it most.

And you don't need to be a big league power broker to give someone a sacred affirmative.

We are all power brokers. Yes?

. . . . . . .
"If you haven't heard, or you've been on the fence about pre-ordering Danielle LaPorte's FIRE STARTER SESSIONS for entrepreneurs, run, don't walk. You will not be sorry. The first chapter is brilliant and I am sure the rest to come will be. just. as. amazing."
- Nona Jordan, business & life coach

"I quickly downloaded the first chapter and it's blowing my mind. Amazing. I can't wait to get the rest. This chapter alone is worth way more than $150."
- Tim Murphy

"After The Fire Starter Sessions, you'll stop thinking of yourself as a 'little entrepreneur.'"
- Abby Kerr

. . . . . . . .
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Master speaking coach, Gail Larsen as a spot left in her May 13-17 Transformational Speaking Intensive on Whidby Island. Her work is life-changing.

The very smart chickas at Freak Revolution have pulled together a great roster for the World-Changing Writing Workshop, which will run every Thursday from June 10th through July 15th. I'm going to jam about some creativity + publishing nitty gritty and I'm really excited about it. CLICK HERE to get on the "tell me more list," registration opens May 11th.

. . . . . . . .
INTERVIEWS
Hiro Boga is a cosmological gem and my favourite find of 2010. We talk about creativity and conscious business: LISTEN HERE.

Alexandra Franzen is the firecracker behind "Unicorns for Socialism" - smart and sassy. We talked about sleazy networking and word association: WATCH HERE.

 

one of the most powerful questions, ever

"What's dying to be born?" Lianne said to some of us women over mint tea earlier this year. Kelly. Ronna. Gwen. Lee-Anne. We nodded, quietly, taking it into our hearts. It was a lot to take it.

This question wouldn't leave Lianne alone. (What question won't leave you alone?) Until she knew she had to give it it's own red tent in which to be explored. She sent out a fiery, impassioned request to dozens of global-hearted chickas - among them, Martha Beck, Meg Wheatley, Brene Brown, Patti Digh, Colleen Wainwright - and midwifed a veritable feast of wisdom and art. (NOTE: creating a work of art can be that easy when you don't hold back.)

Click here to download free copies of What Is Dying to Be Born. It's generous and intense. Leaders of every kind should read it. And because Lianne Raymond is such a multilingual mystic, it's full of gorgeous art work.

My contribution to the collective goes something like this (an excerpt):

What is dying to be born?
The beauty of our DNA is dying to be born: an acceptance of the order of chaos; the reverence of High Priestesses in the grocery store; the force of incredibly tender men; the critical necessity of senses that transcend technology.

The genius heart is being born.

NOW THAT DAMN QUESTION WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
This question has since set up it's own lounger in corner of my psyche, and it's been demanding to be fed. When I worked in Washington DC with a team of futurists and freaky braniacs, this question, to varying depths, drove everything we did. Scenarios on AIDS in Africa, water wars, extraterrestrial contact, the evolution of consciousness. The Future In All Its Gore and Glory. Naturally, we were obsessed with it.

But these days I'm much less interested in the future and fancy suppositions as I am about the present. If we can penetrate the present, we can be more pro-creative with what's next. When we can clearly see the now - as the hologram that it is, we step into to our Godliness.

WHY THIS QUESTION IS SO POWERFUL (IF YOU LET IT BE)
There's a similar question that I've come across with organizational development consultants and high-minded facilitator types: What wants to happen? It's effectual, for sure. It allows for authenticity to surface. But what's so freaking brilliant about Lianne's question is the double entendre of it:

1) What is dying to be BORN - gotta hatch, must happen, on the way, what emphatically desires to be real?

2) What is DYING to be born - crumbling, fading, breaking down, in order that something therefore can be... born?

I'm interested in the dying part today. Because this question comes with a premise, I think: something must die in order to be born. Today, I believe that.

And if this is true, then we've got to ask this of our lives: What needs to die?
Fears. Perceived failures. Contracts that bind too tight. Excuses for hatred where compassion is called for. Limited thinking. Antagonism. More fear. Callousness. Lethargy. Cynicism. Greed.

These are big sweeping concepts. We tend to place them "out there" on groups and nations and others. But each of us has some stinky, life-sucking behavior, or paradigm, or dis-ease, that is having it's way with the best of us - the part of us that always wants to be born. And whatever it is, (and it's probably ugly) it needs to die so that you can be You. Fully.

Euthanize whatever is holding you back. (Might I suggest that you do it gently, swiftly if you can, ideally with gratitude and free of aggression.) That's the only way to know what's dying to be born.

. . . . . . .

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the perils of justifying yourself

Me, you, or someone you know:
“I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m going to …”
Fill in the blank: Quit, sell it, leave, cancel, give it away, walk, resign.

That practical voice inside your head, well-intentioned friends, your granny: “Now, why would you do that?! It’s … (fill in the blank) good money, a great opportunity, you’ve worked so hard, what will you do without it? Can’t you work it out?"

And you bite the hook. In fact, your psyche’s been hanging on it for quite sometime, gnawing on 101 good, practical, and perfectly reasonable reasons why you have the right to make the decision that you’re making. You know, rationalizing. Well how about this rationale:

It doesn’t feel right.

Stay there for a few seconds. It’s a very powerful place to be. It’s elegant. It’s clear. Declared feelings have sonic reach.

And... it can be very uncomfortable. Like the truth can often be before it sets you free.

I recently left a gig because it just didn’t feel right. I struggled with all of the yes, no, make adjustments, suck it up, expand your perspective, get more creative kind of options. A few people thought I was nuts to walk away. Great exposure, cachet, extra money… All true. The “facts” usually are.

I made the tastiest Excuse Sandwich about why it didn’t work for me. I need to find a baby sitter, it interrupts my week, it’s not what I signed up for, I need a haircut, I don’t like so and so or such and such, I need to focus on … All absolutely true. And in the grand scheme, in the greater gestalt of what I'm capable of, totally lame and absolutely surmountable.

If something felt right, I’d drive all night in a push-up bra to get there. When it really feels right, you go out of your way. When something feels right, you put inconveniences in their place.

THE CORROSIVE EFFECTS OF OVER-JUSTIFYING YOUR FEELINGS

JUSTIFYING YOUR FEELINGS:

• automatically puts you on the defense. When you’re on the defense, you burn more energy. Rationalization can be incredibly inefficient.
• over-complicates things.
• perpetuates cleverness. Clever is not a good word in my personal dictionary. It rhymes with slick, manipulative, covert. When you’re trying to rationalize something that is very often amorphous and insular you’ll reach for smooth answers that you think people - or your subconscious - want to hear. And that makes you a salesman.
• depresses your essential self. The more you load rationale onto your feelings, the more padding you create between you and your most powerful, unlimited resource. If you make a habit of keeping your instincts at bay, that tend to stay at bay.
• makes you look and feel like a victim. In an effort to prove and protect, you make up reasons that appear to be more important than your refutable instinct. You whine. You nit pick the situation. You start sounding like the whimp you don’t want to be - instead of the hero that you essentially are. When the passion is there, so is the solution. No problem looks insurmountable when you’re turned on.

Of course, sometimes your greatness demands that you explain your reasons in no uncertain terms. Taking the time to explain yourself can be a fantastically creative act. If that’s what’s called for, then explain how you feel. Hold the excuses. Stand by your heart. Make it matter.

. . .

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• I just kicked off an affiliate program for my stationery line.
• "Confidence can be a real high-wire act, and we’re not always sure how well we’re walking it." I dug this article from @joshhanagarne, the guy behind The World's Strongest Librarian.

 

innovate or die: purification + my work credo

PART 1: INNOVATION

The most erotic word in my vocabulary right now is innovate.

inn.o.vate.

It’s one of my core desired feelings – to feel, be, and live innovate.

I’m not talking about being innovative for the sake of it. (Innovation for the sake of innovation is masturbation.) I’m talking about being on my personal leading edge – where I have to deep bend to reach the fruit. Where the branches are so thin that I have to lighten my load and empty my pockets of ego, greed crumbs and the dirty pennies of mistrust – mistrust in how righteously loving and supportive the universe is.

To innovate, you need to lighten your load. Constantly.

Which brings me to my work credo. (It's up for global adoption. Go ahead. Take it.)

MY WORK (+ SOCIAL MEDIA) CREDO - in order of priority - is:

1. Be USEFUL. If your stuff is not 100% about utility, practicality, or wisdom*, then...
2. Be INSPIRING. If you’re not flush with inspiration, passion, motivation, then at least...
3. Be ENTERTAINING.

And if you can’t at least be amusing then keep to yourself. Otherwise, you’re wasting people’s time. And when you waste people’s time – you’re not only a delusional wanker, you’re disrespectful. Once you disrespect your audience, they’ll walk.

(**Wisdom is information / experience translated into something that is useful + inspiring.)

(You can stop reading here if you got your fill. I understand, the average visitor stays 2.4 minutes on a blog. But if you want to know about some creative/business refining I’m doing, read on.)

PART 2: PURIFICATION

My intention to be useful drives my personal innovation. So, there are going to be a few changes ‘round here - subtle perhaps, but meaningful. I’m announcing this because I think it’s … useful.

As any on-line writer or seller-of-stuff will tell you, “TRAFFIC” is one of the horniest words in the Internet lexicon. Some of us “bloggers” (I put it in quotes because I loath the term) are driven by the numbers. That means amassing more-more-more visitors, users, uniques, followers, “Friends” - idealistically for influence, practically, for cash. Nothing wrong with either motivation, nothing at all. I myself am uh, highly motivated.

Making wisdom products is my living. More traffic = sell more stuff. I'd love to tip 100,000 readers so that when I release my next book (this year! in digital AND print!) a very big bunch of those readers will buy my stuff. And then I can pay my kid’s tuition, help a few friends out, and wear French linen all summer long.

Do I want to be innovative (read: true to my artistic integrity, and reeeally happy) or do I want to make lotsa coinage? Of course, the answer is both, darling. As if I'm not going to have my cake and eat it - with a scoop of Vanilla. On a chaise. In French linen. With enough cake to share with the neighborhood.

In order to innovate, you need to eat right – a diet of integrity and courage. NO FILLER.

The game for traffic (more articles = more traffic) creates a lot of filler out in the blogosphere. Gotta post post post! As my friend Jonathon Mead just put it, "It's a churn, creating content for the sake of it, not due to a burning desire. Quotas = crap." Uh huh.

And sometimes, this is the winning, appropriate most pure strategy. Information aggregation and high-volume content generation can be magnificent when it’s done right. Think: Huffington Post, or Feministe. Even Seth Godin, who is known for not playing the social media popularity game, pubs seven days a week.

UPPING MY GAME BY NARROWING MY FOCUS

The downside of Internet-reality is that you can write a gorgeous piece and it gets buried fast in the flurry. I want each article I compose to feel like a nourishing meal, or at least a midnight snack that sends you to bed smiling. I don't want to just whip something up for hungry search engines.

I also want to give deeper love to the love of my (career) life: making books. Books that you can hold. Books that are compelling enough to spend some quality time with. Books that are useful, inspiring, and entertaining - and so philosophically sexy that they’ll spread like wild fire.

So, I’ve decided to post only twice week...maybe twice and half. That way, I can give each piece my whole heart. I may sprinkle in the odd truism - but only if I really feel that it's genius.

I'll be the sole generator of content on White Hot Truth – which means no more interviews (okay, maybe some.) I can hear some groans already. I know, I know, the Burning Questions Interviews are juicy. We've had some superstars and angels to this banquet. Good news is, I have some beauties lined up over the next few weeks. Obviously my policy of "no thanks, no guest posts" and zero solicited product reviews stays good n' staunch.

The quality vs. quantity model is nothing new. But it remains a rarity. Authenticity is demanding business.

 

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