relationships + sex articles

talkin’ sweet about love: what the shrinks need to hear

The January issue of O Magazine, explores intimacy blocks through the lens of Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work, by David Burns, MD. His theory is that you can’t fix your partner {too bad, because I’m okay, but he needs fixin’,} and that once you start changing, your partner will change too. Damn. I have more than an inkling that he’s right.

But here’s where so much shrink-dispensed advice goes to pot: the packaging, the delivery, the realism. The robotic, saint-like scripting so many relationship experts suggest is as genuine as a spray tan. Love needs sunshine, real heat, a bit of smolder.

THE DR'S LOVE ADVICE
Take Dr. Burns’ “Relationship Tune-Ups.” The beef is that your partner criticizes you, in which case, you should practice “positive reframing” ... or, the smile while you turn shit into compost trick. As Burns’ paints the picture, your partner says you’re a control freak, you should respond with:

“You’re right, I may have a tendency to be overly controlling, we seem to be having a conflict right now.” {no kidding.} “But as awful as it feels I’m thinking this could be an opportunity for us to explore a deeper relationship.”

Wow. Fun. And then what? You can reasonably agree to copulate at mutually convenient time?

WHEN WHITE HOT LOVE IS IN THE HOUSE:
If I spoke like that to my man he’d roll his eyes and pop in a DVD. With real life couples that I know of, the positive re-framing might go more like this:

“You think I’m a control freak? Damn straight I am (more...)