inspiration + spirituality articles

self hatred: beneath sugar-coated criticism + self improvement

Self hatred.
Could there be a heavier, shame-soaked, cringe-inducing concept?
Hating yourself.
Hatred.
Hate of self.
You hating...you.

Park that thought for a minute.

You're self-referencing. You're successful (and you're bright enough to know that that's a relative term.) You're a generally wide-awake, highly confident, compassionate, secure citizen of the collective. You know who you are. You're committed to knowing more. You practice mindful speech, you send light to the people who piss you off, you get regular massage treatments, you own a few sex toys, you do workshops. Clearly, you treat yourself well. You know you're worth it.

Self hatred? You?

Me?

I HATE MYSELF. THERE, I SAID IT.

I used to think my list of self-criticisms, we're just criticisms. Innocuous opinions I held about myself that were mild, understandable, reasonable even - part of being aware of my "shadow". Growth points. That on-going, fucking incessant chatter (as chill and dignified as it is,) goes something like this:

I SORT OF SUCK BECAUSE I SHOULD ... (and I bet you can insert your own list here...) lose ten more pounds, work less, be kinder to my man, more attentive to my boy, less concerned about "arriving", more responsive to my readers, less fixated on Twitter, more informed about world politics, less spendy, more willing to adopt a child, less judgmental of all of the shitty customer service and mediocrity in the world, more motivated to get my ass on my bike, less obsessive about strategic planning, more inclined to socialize, less irritated by small talk, more inclined to do less, and blah-blah-fucking-self-critical-unrelenting-BLAAAAH.

Add to that list: dust bunnies, a few missed birthdays, a grandmother that deserves a phone call, an overflowing Facebook inbox that I ignore, a nightstand piled high with books in progress (although I keep buying more books,) and some memories of thoughtless things I said to good people who may have been hurt by my ego ... and, well, it's not adding up to a lot of self-compassion or oozing Goddess worth, is it? It's not sounding so light, so harmless, or so innocuous, is it?

Park that thought for a minute.

I ADORE MYSELF. TRULY. NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
I could list 10,000 reasons, here and now, why I'm The High Priestess of Loveliness. My heart is galactic. My mind is laser-razor. I've made some good choices this time around. AND YET ...

Those little paper cuts that I inflict on my spirit are not random or rootless. They are effective. They have a source. Yes, self-criticism may be well-intentioned. It may be fed by old hurts, family of origin, past lives, modern culture, mortal coil. But it's seeded from the murky marsh of loathing. And to greater and lesser degrees, it's part of everyone's psychic biosphere. The trick to drying it up is to shine some light on it.

Self-criticism is not "love", and it is certainly not indifferent. It's a form of hatred. And when I name that, when I see it for what it is (raw and uncomfortable and saddening...) when I refuse to sugar-coat self criticism, judgment, agitation, and constantly trying to improve myself, then I'm one quantum leap closer to freedom. Out of the swamp. Grounded in love.

. . . . . . .

The most lucid material I've come across on self judgment, ego and presence is The Unfolding Now, by AH Almaas.

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a lil’ invocation goes a long way

We are here now
to give witness
to a shared truth
that absolutely everything is progress
that we have all that
we need
that brilliance is unfolding
here and now

and so it is.
now, let's rock it.

This is how I start my Fire Starter sessions with clients. I try to keep it light so my unsuspecting client doesn't think we're about to sacrifice a goat or I'm going to start talking about fairy guides. (And if you're one of my Fire Starters and I forgot to start off on this note, mea culpa.)

I used to do some freelance publicity with a large independent business publisher in San Francisco. The CEO was very openly a devout Christian. We started meetings with a prayer to God...something like, "thank you for bringing us together to create good things for the world, may we be of service to the whole." There we were, a motley crew of Jews and New Agers and atheists, heads bowed. You couldn't help but be still and appreciate. No one cared if it was about Jesus or Allah, it got us FOCUSED.

I had boss who used to pull up to the board room table at the start of meetings, and charmingly, predictably and say, "So what's this all about, my friends?" My favourite yoga classes begin with a chant. True teams begin with a huddle.

all communication begins with intention.

How do you start meetings, phone calls, apologies, birthday toasts, jam sessions? What's the point? You can invoke the higher powers and the human spirit without anyone knowing you're being all mojo cosmic. You can recite your company's mission statement or Hedgehog, read a Rumi poem, read a fresh inspirational quote or very simply state: "We're here to give our best, where shall we begin?"

The point is that intention is everything. What's declared is more likely to become real. Begin clear, and dare to be grand.

 

cake walks + fire walks: beginner’s mind

I walked on hot coals once - barefoot. Across a bed of white hot embers about twenty feet long. When you walk off the fiery path you step into a puddle of water and you can hear your feet sizzle and see steam rise. And lo', thanks to mind over matter, I didn't even blister. Hot damn.

I raced home at midnight, under a full moon, with a note card tucked into my Levi's: "I, Veronica Danielle LaPorte walked on fire. I can do anything."

Would I do it again? Ummm....I....dunno. The evening of that fire walk workshop I asked some of the repeat walkers how it was for them. I was surprised to hear that a lot of them burned their feet on their second walk. "Say whu?! But you already slammed these coals once." The prevailing response: "Yeah, but I got cocky the second time around." Every walk requires a fresh meditation.

Ask any athlete or elite performer. Writers, salesmen, speakers, very big project managers, wide-awake lovers: Success can dull your senses. Each win is a new win, earned with intense focus and an open heart.

Do not take your expertise or natural talent for granted. Stay awake. Hunt. Kill your old material. Listen for new information. Tell a different story in a different way. Crush your gimmicks. Let the page be white. Kiss him like it's your first kiss.

Let your heart race and concentrate. Then and only then, begin.

 

 

the help haiti blog challenge

A wonderful writer and friend of mine, KellyDiels of the Cleavage site, has kicked off The Help Haiti Blog Challenge.

Kelly's strategy was partly inspired by a tweet of mine this week: "I’ll donate my full Fire Starter Session fee ($300) to Haiti causes to 1st person who books in and pays today…Please RT" and Gwen Bell's uber successful Best of 2009 Blog Challenge.

The concept and how it applies to bloggers:

1. Sign up for the Help Haiti Blog Challenge (on Kelley's site). Write about it on your blog and tag it “Help Haiti Blog Challenge“. Ask your people to join you and do the same.
2. Add the Help Haiti Blog Challenge badge to your blog.
3. Make your offer: I will donate ________ dollars to _________ on behalf of the next person who buys _________ from me.
4. Make your donation and tell us how much you donated.
5. Tweet about it using the hashtag #haitiblogchallenge. Update your facebook status with a request to pass on the message and the call to action. Send e-mails. Everywhere you are, online, talk about the Help Haiti Blog Challenge, tag it, and call your friends, family, colleagues – your people – to action.

So, what if you have a blog but nuthin' to "give away or sell" per se?

Well, Aidan Donnelly Rowley is giving away $2 every time some leaves a 2-word comment on her blog between now and January 18. The Pioneer Woman gave 10 cents for every comment on her blog yesterday. She got 25,850 comments that's...$2,585!

So what if you don't have a blog?
Just donate, dammit:
The Acumen Fund recommends: Partners In Health and Architecture for Humanity.

Canadian? In case you don't know already, The Canadian Government is matching Haiti donations up to $50 million. Find out more here. Because of that, my family is donating to Plan Canada (we also sponsor a child with them.)

May the blessings rain down.

With Love,
Danielle

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burning questions with ronna detrick: faith + feminism

Ronna Detrick looks you in the eye. And she listens. And when she speaks, you can see her pulling down wisdom from St. Theresa to Simone de Beauvoir through the filter of her own lived experience, to give you gem of grace - or grit. And, she can write - like a poet on a practical mission. Like a feminist with faith.

Women! (And the fine men who adore us,) come to the Red Tent of White Hot Truth. Ronna is in the house.

1. Let's start with a big one: how do you define feminism?

I define feminism as more of a personal characteristic than a political or social statement. It's who I am, how I am, and yes, certainly what I am. It's an honoring of the strength, power, and inherent worth in women. It's a naming of the places in which those realities aren't honored. It's a way of being that says, "I will not be silenced; I will live out loud. I will not edit or censor myself; I will tell the truth. I will not be safe; I will be dangerous, provocative, risky, and bold."

2. Another whopper of a question - because you're a massive spirit, Ms. Ronna, what's FAITH got to do with FEMINISM?

Mmmm. A tough one. Much I don't know. Lots of answers I don't have. But here's what I do know: the two are not mutually exclusive. Faith, whether it be in ourselves, God, Goddess, Buddha, Mohammad, or the powers of the Universe, is a potent and beautiful thing. It enables hope. It invites desire. It softens and strengthens and sings. As a feminist I want to be able to embrace and embolden every aspect of my life and my world. (more...)

 

juicy mind, happy product: a meditation for self promotion

Click here to read Part 1, The secret to self promotion: radiance and the facts, jack - whereby I expressed little sympathy buts lot's of love for people who shy away from self-promotion.

A MEDITATION FOR SELF PROMOTION

Meditation can take many forms. You can write this out in a journal, talk it out with a friend, or do the traditional sitting meditation. You're the master. Either way you choose to tap in, settle your mind and focus: take three deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. Slowly. Fully. (This is going to be fun, BTW. Avoid dry mind. Choose juicy mind.)

PHASE 1

1. Imagine that you're in an empty room. It's your ideal room, so maybe it's plush and luxy, or austere and Zen. You love it and you're comfortable.
2. Waiting outside the door to that room is your business, product, service, artwork - whatever you call what you offer for your livelihood. How do you feel knowing that it's outside the door? What is the flavour of your anticipation? Anxious? Smiling? Dread? Blessed and blissy?
3. Now, invite your business/product/service/artwork to join you. Do it ceremoniously or simply. Notice how you extend the invitation. (Sheepish, commanding, open, playful, hesitantly.) How does your business/product/service/artwork take form? As a ray of light, blueprint plans, a mighty robot, a peacock, a quivering beggar, a pile of gold, crates of bestselling books? How does your business/product/service/artwork feel to you? Just noticing how you extend the invitation and the form that your business/product/service/artwork took will be useful cosmic data. If you want to stop there, do so. Put the mediation on pause and come back to do phase two another day.

   Or, go further...

   PHASE 2
   
4. Ask your business/product/service/artwork if it has a message or a gift to give you. Receive it. Notice how you receive it.
5. Ask your business/product/service/artwork how it would like to be shared with the world. You may hear or see specific strategies (like, "e-books in the Fall,") or you may just feel the how, like, feelings of integrity, innovation, steadiness.
6. Now, (and this is important) let your business/product/service/artwork enter into you. You can breathe it in, you can imagine opening your heart and it climbing in, you can envision jacking into it and downloading it into your cells like an electrical current. The point here: you and your business/product/service/artwork are entwined and grooving together - unison.
7. Now, just...glow. Radiate. Vibrate. Hum your sonic powah, baby. Envision your creative light making it's way into the world effortlessly and being received with great appreciation.

Allow the ease. Honour the excitement and intensity. Say thank you.

 

cbc tv: the 8 second rule

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE SEGMENT (4 MINUTES TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE, BABY.)

 

idiots, cultivating openness

Think about the most extremely oppositional viewpoint to yours on, say...heterosexuality, polyandry, the right to bear arms, corporate tax shelters, global warming, co-sleeping with your kids, breeding dogs, stem cell research, abortion rights. While you're at it, you may as well consider Third World debt relief and wearing white past Labor Day.

Imagine the Idiot who disagrees with you. Picture the pathetic fool who is actually daft, dense, narrow-minded enough to believe that human beings originated from [insert your theory here.] Or that Britney Spears' take on Presidential authority is actually [insert your opinion here.] How could such a mis-guided [insert political party or age bracket] be right about anything? I mean, really. If you think that extraterrestrial life is actually [insert opinion here], then how can I take you seriously about anything else?

Even a stopped clock is right once a day.
- Winston Churchill

Openness is our greatest human resource.
- Rebecca Walker

One of the most enlightening experiences I’ve had came through an accused corrupt guru. Some of the best love advice I've ever received came from a Baptist Republican. (No one's perfect, and never underestimate the value of having a sweetheart to curl up with after a long day at the office.) A drunk bum on the corner of Vaness & Market told me all I needed to know about parenting (Never, ever lie to them. It teaches them to lie.) Working with Navy Admirals and retired S.E.A.L.S. at the Pentagon taught me a LOT about peace (it has to live inside of you.)

And what did I think before each encounter? Pffft. No way, no how, not you.

The truth is everywhere. Sometimes hiding in plain sight, or beneath presumptions and labels - whether you agree or not.

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For more on this and my "even bozos can be right theory," you can read or listen to this interview with The Get Inspired Project.

 

what are your words for the new year?

Every new year some words choose me, like a magic spell to be cast on the year ahead. This year's ensemble showed up as it's own little poem of truth: Pure Love Innovates.

pure
This may or may not mean something to you, but I have five planets in Virgo (tho' my Sun sign is Gemini, which explains why I do what I do: communicate to the nth.) All that Virgo makes for an obsession with purifying, detoxing, Zen-ifying, eradicating all forms of physical and mental clutter from the known universe, and running through the desert naked. Also explains my kin with fire - the greatest purifier of all. It's not as heavy as it sounds.

• free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind; free from extraneous matter: pure gold; pure water.
• unmodified by an admixture; simple.
• clear; free from blemishes: pure skin.
• (of literary style) straightforward; unaffected.
• abstract or theoretical (opposed to applied ): pure science.
• without any discordant quality; clear and true: pure tones in music.
• absolute; utter; sheer: to sing for pure joy.
• being that and nothing else.
• clean, spotless, or unsullied: pure hands.
• untainted with evil; innocent: pure in heart.
• ceremonially or ritually clean.
• free of or without guilt; guiltless.
• independent of sense or experience: pure knowledge.

love

"L-o-v-e" is so overdone, used, abused, misused. This year it occurred to me that Joni Mitchell and I might have one more thing in common than just our citizenship: "I've looked at love from both sides now / from give and take, and still somehow / it's love's illusions I recall / I really don't know love at all." I want to know it and give it. I want to be loving in every way possible.

Marriage is not a love affair,
it's an ordeal.
It is a religious exercise, a sacrament,
the grace of participating in another life.

If you go into marriage with a program,
you will find that it won't work.

Successful marriage
is leading innovative lives together,
being open, non-programmed.
It's a free fall: how you handle each new thing as it comes along.

As a drop of oil on the sea,
you must float,
using intellect and compassion
to ride the waves.

- Joseph Campbell

innovates
admit, bring forward, bring in, coin, conceive, commence, develop, discover, enter, establish, evolve, found, generate, give birth to, hatch, inaugurate, initiate, induct, initiate, install, invent, kick off, launch, make, open up, organize, pioneer, plan, preface, present, produce, set up, spark, start, unveil, usher in.

The year is New. So are you. See you on the other side.
xo
Danielle