inspiration + spirituality articles

a sentiment for blazing

close your calendars
of regret

smash clocks and barriers
with your better knowing

throw soft light on
the doom clingers

let
your
pure
faith
burn
the
way

2011 blessings,

 

qualified requests: how to ask for stuff

Just ask. Ask and It Is Given. Ask and you shall receive. Good things come to those who...ask.

Agreed. Emphatically. Ask and keep asking. Ask the universe, your boss, your crush, bank manager, bus driver, car salesman...ask for what you want and keep on asking. But if you want to increase your odds of receptivity, you've got to go about it with some style, darling. The formula for stylin' askin' gets down to this: sincerity + brevity = intelligence.

My Malcolm Gladwell Ask
For my first book I wanted the best literary agent in the business. So I started at the top, naturally. I honed in on the books and authors I admired most and read their acknowledgments sections, looking for the writers who genuinely and emphatically thanked their agents. In The Tipping Point, Gladwell swooned over his agent - claimed she should run for the US Presidency. "Well, she'll do!" I thought. Where to start asking? With Malcolm. How to get his email? Off his website. [Yep - it can be that easy, and it often is.]

The Ask went a little somethin' like this:

Dear Malcolm,
You're Canadian. My business partner and I are Canadian. You've been called "obsessively competitive." My partner was a former nationally-ranked athlete and she still hates to lose. You're half black. And, well, I'm a white girl with dreadlocks. I'm hoping you'll be charmed enough to help open a door for us...

[When you're being authentic, you have nothing to lose. Giving it "your all" is often about leaving pretenses behind. Win or lose, you'll feel all dignified and jazzed because you fully showed up.]

We want to get to [Madame Agent.] You think she could run the world, and I think she could make my dreams come true. Here's our concept:

[What followed was ONLY three sentences - two sentences describing the book idea, and one sentence describing the market.]

I think [Madame Agent] is my Neo. The One. And if you could tell me what vintage of wine she drinks, her favourite bon bons, or how to get her pay attention to my book proposal, well, I'd be immensely grateful. If there is a direct entre to [Madame Agent] or if you have a suggestion on how to appeal to her, please let me know. We need more Canadians on the bestseller list. Very appreciatively….

[inserted website and contact deets]

The result: Malcolm, good Canadian that he is, responded in a day or two to the effect of "Well, how can I say no?" [The universe can't resist authenticity, it's a law. Thankfully, Mr. Gladwell couldn't resist it either.] He forwarded the email to Madame Agent. She reached out to me, and not long after, we landed a phat book deal.

the 5 essentials of making qualified requests

1. Identify affinity: You better know as much as you can about who you're talking to. Be clear about why you’re interested in them in particular, and mention that at the get-go. I once called a local creative exec – found his wife's number in the ol' phone book and gave it a shot. He answered the phone. "I just read an interview where you talked about creating a "culture of yes" to support one's creative process and it got me thinking…" We talked for 15 minutes, I asked when we could meet for tea to tell him more about what I was up to. A week later, he invested in my company.

2. Brevity is a form of respect, especially when you're asking a busy person for help. If you send more than three paragraphs (one is IDEAL,) and attachments, and you delve into your history or ten years into the future, I guarantee you'll get flagged as annoying, delusional and/or not too bright. And really, if you can't boil down what you're up to in one concise paragraph, you don't have a good grip on it.

3. Specificity is a call to action. What EXACTLY are you looking for? Your request could be a simple as "I'd love to get your perspective, just to have the opportunity to hear what you think of my strategy would be a great value. A half-hour of your time over coffee or in your office – you name it and I'll be there." "I want to know everything about social media that you can tell me in fifteen minutes of your spare time…I'm looking to raise capital and would like to pitch you." (Though remember what the ol' rich guys love to say, "If you ask for money, you'll probably just get advice. If you ask for advice, you're more likely to get money." I can back that up.)

Never, evah ask for "free" advice when you haven't invested in someone's material (either with your time actually studying their free stuff, or actually buying their material.) If you're asking for help in the form of a written response, you need to be even more succinct and gracious. If I get general requests like, "Do you have any advice for how to start up my business?" Well...you're kidding me, right? Guess you missed the 900+ free articles on this site, and the fact that I make my living giving strategic advice. But sure, here's some advice: get a job where someone tells you exactly what to do, 'cuz you're going to need it.

Try this: "Could you look at my website and just tell me the first three words that come to mind in terms of my brand?" Bam bam, smarty pants.

4. NO BULLSHIT HYPE. Embellishing things is a no-no way to start any relationship. Smart folk usually have excellent memories and if they sniff out a white lie or exaggeration about how successful you say you are in the beginning, it could all go south really quickly. Stick to the facts. Facts are a solid foundation.

However...
5. HEART HYPE is essential. Don't spend a lot of airtime talking about how you think your idea is going to make a zill or get you on Oprah Ellen, Larry King Piers Morgan, but do hit a big love note: you're passionate, you feel called, you're giving it all you got, you're in it to win it. Passion persuades.

You may be surprised at how many successful people sincerely want to help you - when you can prove your smarts and passion by asking smartly and passionately.

I recently raised my price for 1-on-1 Fire Starter Sessions to $1000, from $500. (The demand exceeded the supply and it's clear that clients can earn back the $1000 investment with a few strategic gems...) I got a few people who were like, "Dang woman! Why didn't you tell me you were going to raise your price?" I don't really have a warm-fuzzy response for that.

And a few others took a more proactive and optimistic approach. They open heartedly asked if I could honour the old fee, briefly explained what they were doing in the world, and how a session could help them knock it outta the park. My answer: "Well, how could I say no?"

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INTERVIEWS

Thanks to some super practical and focused questions, my recent interview with BlogCastFM is probably one of the most, well, practical and focused interviews I've ever given. YOU CAN LISTEN TO IT HERE: Danielle LaPorte On Finding Your Mission and Purpose, Literary Agents and Book Deals,Building Your Speaking Career, and More...

 

beware of possibility thinking: how to leverage your manifestation ju-ju

I was at an event that kicked off with a group meditation.

(Before I tell you how it went down, allow me to say that I think you should approach all meditations guided by strangers with caution. I've been to many a gathering where someone wants to lead us down the golden path - and while their intentions are often good, they may not be filling your airwaves with the highest quality thought forms. Guided meditations are like eating at any restaurant - you need to take small bites until you're sure what you're consuming.)

Back to a certain guided meditation. "Close your eyes." (Uh huh.) "Deep breath." (Uh huh.) "See your dream before you." (Locked in on crystal clear.) "How does it look, sound, etc, ?" (Feels freaking suh-weet.) "Now," [insert New Age chimes and slightly evangelical tone...] "...know that your dream is POSSIBLE! ... And now, open your eyes."

Whu? THAT's IT?! I lean over to my girlfriend and say, "Possible?! Fuck that. My dream is a done deal." Snort. "Ditto," she snortled back in solidarity.

"Possible" can be magical. But magic has varying degrees of power. There's magic sprinkles, and then there's elixir potions, tonics of creation, galvanizing spells. Leave the sprinkles for cupcakes.

MO' EFFECTUAL DREAMING
You can't dream in images of possibility-maybe-could-be-perhaps and get manifestation traction. It's profoundly unrequited. Possibility can be a lot like purgatory. You just never quite get there, not even in your dreams.

Wizardry is about conjuring up an experience of DONE (not "maybe".) Succeeded. Achieved. Arrived. Pow!

Visualizing Possibility = striving, maybe, reach, stretch, hit or miss, up for interpretation, deliberation, incomplete, out there, the resounding feeling that there's still so much to do.

Visualizing Done = the sensation of satisfaction, a reason to celebrate, achievement that you can walk into it, serious calm, expectation you can wrap your head around, a vision that calls you to stand up straight and be your wisest.

But here's the coolest part about Visualizing Done: that image of success may have something to tell you - a few pointers about how it got made real. When you visual things as "done," you can walk around the vision and see what it has to say. The image of success can reveal how-to's and pathways to itself.

Here's how I do it: I see a myriad of Done Deals in my cosmic atmosphere. I get myself to that state of full-on assuming that what I desire already exists in some dimension, and I just need to step into it, or pluck it out of the ethers. Done. This gives me an incredible sense of calm, and a feeling that life really wants me to win.

And then I ask the done deal to tell me how it...got done. And I hear strategies. For example, I envision my next book as a New York Times bestseller. Done. (Maybe a bestseller? Possibly a bestseller? That feels shaky, not invigorating.) And when I see that bestseller in action, I get really fresh ideas about how to make it a bestseller. Pow. Practical. Invigorating.

Sometimes I see Done Deals and I sniff them out and decide it's not what I want after-all. Next. You're never obligated to a dream or a belief.

The business of affirmations and visualization is a mind game, of course.
Ante up.
Play to win.
Big deal.

. . . . . .

INTERVIEWS

I got a shout out in USA Today thanks to NetSetter, who interviewed me about starting businesses, collaboration and seeing opportunities. Click here to read the NetSetter interview.

 

the declaration of deserving…just because you’re here

I've been asking around: "What do you think you're entitled to?" "What do you know that you deserve?"

Mikki Baloy Davis, a Facebook friend nailed it with this: "I'm always curious about this question...for me it brings up the distinction between "deserving" - which implies reward or merit - and "worthy" which is unconditional." I got a witness.

Holy-loaded questions will get you some passionate answers: "I'm not entitled to a damn thing. But I deserve love." "I don't deserve anything, everything needs to be earned." "I'm entitled to be on the planet, I work for the rest." "I deserve right pay for right work...a foot rub and to be fanned and fed grapes...no less, no more than another...to be seen, heard, acknowledged...love, respect, fun, and money. Love...Love...Love..."

We're such hard workers. Hardened, some of us, from working so hard to deserve what we want. Working to earn. Earning more...work. Earning your keep is a viscous cycle, you know. Where as, believing in your implicit worth liberates you to create more value for the world you serve.

Of course, people with entitlement issues are goddamn irritating. They want more than they're willing to give upfront. They operate in a fog of hunger and conflicting intentions. Entitled types are frantic below the surface because they don't trust that they can feed themselves. What they need is a long hug and then to be sent off for some solo time, without credit cards.

Deserving and worthiness...these are the notions that get to the pulse of our consciousness and esteem.

If you don't believe you have the right to be here, there will never be enough space for your true self to show up. If you think you need to earn your actual desires, you're putting miles, years, between you and fulfillment. So many of us don't even give ourselves permission to want what we want. This is the great tragedy of a malnourished spirit.

a declaration of deserving:

You are worthy of your desires. Really wanting what you want gives you the power to get it. You were born free. (The more you try to earn your freedom, the more trapped you become.) You are worthy of love and respect. Lovable.

You deserve
: eye contact
: smiles in the morning
: food made with pure intention
: clean drinking water, fresh air
: Hello, Please, Thank you.
: time to think about it
: a chance to show them what you're made of
: a second chance
: an education
: health care, including dental
: multiple orgasms
: weekends and the summer off
: 8 hours of sleep
: play before work
: to change your mind
: to say no
: to say yes
: to have your deepest needs met
: to be seen
: to be loved for what is seen.

You deserve all this just because you showed up.
Yep, you're that monumental.

 

when it’s time to stop healing and bust outta purgatory (and what my crush on ed harris has to do with enlightenment)

Jumping for joy can be counter-intuitive when you've been despairing long term. Your cells become expectant of disappointment. The repetition of compromise settles into your muscles and makes reflexes happen. Grey. Less than luminous. Not ideal. In-between half vital and half wanting more. In-between kinda dying and kinda living, a space which can very often be healing, confusing, and wonderfully risky.

Tibetan Buddhists call the place between death and rebirth the Bardo. Catholics have Purgatory. When my Priest explained Purgatory to us in Grade Two, I super-double-dipped-chocolate-vowed to get into heaven, not so much to avoid the flames of hell, but to avoid the total drag of being stuck in between worlds in the Purgatory waiting room of "not quite good enough" losers.

In-between can be terrifically uncomfortable. Like healing, which can be itchy and tight and arduous. And after a while, we can actually manage to get comfortable there, accustomed to the restraints, the warmth of the bandages, tired of how demanding it can be to take good care of ourselves. And so we keep waiting for the fog to lift, naturally. We await the will of heaven. We wait for the meds to kick in. We wait, because, you know, "time heals all things." (Time, by the way, is not the actual healer. Consciousness is.) And we keep waiting to be healed.

Waiting to be healed can be a tragic form of compromise. When we're so close to vitality and freedom, we can be lulled by the self-comfort that has served it's purposed, by the luxury of respites, by the mercy of slow death. Like I said, "in-between" can be risky business. No Buddhist wants to get stuck in the Bardo -- they want to come back to life.

The final stages of healing do not necessarily call for organic clearing, but rather, the soul skill of transmutation: intentionally altering your course. Think: wizardry, high-priestess, impassioned agents of change. Think: like God.

TRANSMUTATION, and what my favorite sci-fi movie has to do with getting on with your life...

The Abyss is one of my fave sci-fi movies of the 90's. A crew of ocean scientists head to new depths of the ocean and it gets rogue and extraterrestrial pretty fast. The scene: Mr. Sexy Sea Captain, "Bud", played by Ed Harris, and his movie ex-wife, "Lindsey", played by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, are trapped in an underwater capsule that's rapidly filling up with water. It's dire.

They need to swim back to the mother ship to safety. There's only one oxygen mask and two of them. The distance is a few meters too far to make it without an air supply. Because Bud is a stronger swimmer, Lindsey decides that she will effectively let her self drown, and then Bud can wear the oxygen mask and swim with her back to the ship to quickly resuscitate her.

I searched high and low to find the complete scene for you online. I really want you to see the part where she is inhaling water and letting her body die, while Bud masks up and prepares to swim her to the ship. It's deeply moving. It is so metaphorical for the times in your life where you take a deep breath and decide let it all go - it is the intentional leap into the liminal bardo where we can only trust that we will find life on the other side.

But, I couldn't find THAT scene (and James Cameron didn't return my call.) Howevah, what you can view here is the most riveting, moving, nerve-clenching conclusion of that moment where Bud fights for Lindsey's life.

And THIS is where I get to my point about healing and Transmutation Time:

There comes a time to fight your way out of purgatory. Assess what you learned, bow to your healing process, and tear off the band-aids. Burn things. This is the time to make announcements and head out into the world even if your skin is a bit tender, even if you are limping now.

You bust out of the in-between when you declare that you.have.decided.to.live. No matter what. Such as you are, you are here, and you are ready for more.

WAIT! THIS, JUST IN! The drowning scene was sent to me after I published this post! (Thank you, Dawn). Watch this first, and then the YouTube video above: http://movieclips.com/sTUM-the-abyss-lindsey-drowns/0/132.633/

(un-copyrighted YouTube videos have a way of disappearing. If you can't view this video, go to YouTube and type in, "The Abyss movie" and you'll find this scene)

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Come to life with me and about 150 amazing chicks in New York November 12 - 14.

Rich, Happy & Hot LIVE is a 2.5 day live event held in NYC, November 12th - 14th at Donna Karan's Urban Zen Foundation. The event is Friday night 7-10PM, while Saturday and Sunday are full days. RHH LIVE is a one-of-a-kind combination of marketing and sales training PLUS the best personal development training in the world.

I'm revving up for my best presentation, ever. Check it out.

 

the dark side of minimalism

I sat down to write an article this week titled, The Dark Side of Minimalism. My "beware of minimalism" sermon was so ready to pour forth. It was gonna go like so:

I stand in my very strong values of minimalism, anti-consumerism, and simplicity. These movements fuel my faith in human consciousness. Increasingly, we are voting with our dollars, ceasing to fill the holes in our souls with plastic stuff, and living more lightly on a highly-burdened eco-system. Uncluttering, vigilante consumerism, and simplification are outbursts of enlightenment. Howevah...

Fear n' loathing can lurk beneath "right action." We can use beautiful concepts to reinforce ugly lies about our esteem and self worth. We can use austerity to punish ourselves, and frugality to keep abundance at bay.

So...that's how I would have kicked 'er off. But I came across a post from Lianne Raymond, who is like, the Majesty of Questioning Just About Everything: Red Winkle Picker Regret and The Dark Side of Decluttering. And well, I just can't top this:

Now decluttering has gone mega mainstream. It's almost religious. It's rarely questioned. There are gurus and gospels to follow. Salvation shall be yours through decluttering. ...

There are some other really obvious reasons why the declutter cult has taken off -

1. Control - In a world that seems out of control, decluttering and organizing can provide an illusion of control. (This is my hall closet).

2. Guilt - as the world continues to shrink, we can more and more see how our unconscious consumption is linked with developing world living conditions and climate change. To purge our possessions can feel like a cleansing confession. (Go in peace and sin no more - and throw in three Hail Marys for good measure.)

3. Perfection/Salvation - all my problems will be solved, my life will be perfect and I will find eternal happiness when I get rid of all my clutter and get organized. (This is a variation on "I will be happy when I am skinny.")

4. Freedom - getting rid of stuff can give us a temporary hit of feeling free. When our lives feel full of obligation, this is alluring.

When you dig deeper into any of these, you will likely find fear. And if you do have a lot of junk in your life and dig into why you ended up with it in the first place - guess who's coming to dinner? - fear. So if you are purging from the same mindset that you had while procuring - well, that's just the other side of the same coin, honey.

Lianne's lucid, provocative piece goes as deep as asserting that our urge to purge is "pathologizing the feminine in favour of celebrating the masculine" Uhhuh. Like I said, I can't top that.

Dig it yourself: Red Winkle Picker Regret and The Dark Side of Decluttering

Yours in self-love and the kind of minimalism that affirms your goodness, not your lack.

. . . . . . .

 

refuse to worry (and how to be more useful for your friends)

Some precious people in my life are in extreme pain right now. Three friends are sorting through the natural disaster that breaking up brings on. And after a traumatic and poignantly one-in-a-million accident, one of my beloveds is literally patching together a new body and life. I cry with them in cafes and on the phone. I write letters I know they're too weary to respond to. I think about them throughout every day. I ache, actively. Concerned.

But I do not worry for them. Can't do it. Won't do it. Refuse to. Not because I trust in an benevolent universe to carry them (which I do,) and not because I'm disassociated (I'm anything but.) I don’t let myself worry for them because I think it's not only futile, but it's obstructive. Worry only gets in the way of good intentions, energy, solutions. It's toxic.

WORRY vs. CONCERN
Energetically, there is a critical difference.

worry: to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.
concern: to relate to; be connected with; be of interest or importance to; affect.

Worry obstructs possibility. Concern is pro-active.
Worry weighs things down. Concern can rise to the occasion.
Worry is wistful. Concern is penetrating.
Worry tangles. Concern peels back the layers.
Worry gossips. Concern enrolls.

Worry is the conjoined twin of anxiety. Of course concern can be riddled with anxiety, but it's strong enough to turn anxiety into a constructive force.

The darkest, gnawing side of worry is this: it's an illusory form of control that we might cling to in order to feel important and goodly. Yep, "goodly", not "Godly." As in, I'm a good manager, friend, mother, Christian, citizen, leader...if I express my love, smarts, interest by...worrying.

HOW TO TRANSFORM YOUR WORRY FOR OTHERS INTO POSITIVITY...
SO YOU CAN TRULY BE OF SERVICE

Stand outside of the story.
Every fearful expectation has a big "story" behind it. The trauma, the drama, the pain, the plot. Worry feeds on the gruesome details. It replays the potential saga in your head. It validates all the reasons things could go wrong by drudging up the past again and again. Worry is cleverly building a case as to why you should worry (you're a better person if you do, you're "on top of the details" it's the sympathetic thing to do, things have gone wrong so many times before, it's only logical to…worry. And on it goes.)

Don’t let yourself be pulled onto the "set" of the unfolding drama. Stay behind the camera and go where you're needed to shed light on things. Witnessing is an act of compassion. Whether it's with force or a light touch, you get to call the shots on how you will show up in any difficult situation.

Keep a soft gaze.
No one needs your judgment about why they got themselves into something, or all of the things that could go wrong. Gently observe what's going on, and stick to the facts. This is really tricky because facts can be relative. Medical test results are facts. So is someone's immense inner strength. Choose the facts that keep you moving in a better direction. Friends in pain (and we all qualify as friends who are hurtin',) need love and optimism - critique and prognostication are big fat downers.

Let your heart be broken.
Life will devastate you if you get close enough to it. Get closer. In the cosmic fabric, your pain is mine is yours is mine... When we can share this unified space we know how to be of better service to one another - because we can better empathize.

Put a stake of devotion in the ground.
How far will you let your concern take you for a friend? (Limits are okay by the way, enlightened concern isn't about martyrdom.) Are you willing to catch the next plane, withdraw your savings, find a lawyer, change bandages, mix herbs, listen tirelessly? Your devotion may shrink or expand as the situation unravels. But if you can declare how you intend to be truly helpful, then worry takes a backseat.

Send wishes.
This is the single most effectual way to diffuse worry and move into positivity. Worry will crop up. Don't let it stagnate. Cleanse your worry with precise wishes.

I'm worried that he'll stay lonely. I wish him sweet love.
I'm worried the meds won't work. I wish her quantum healing.
I'm worried she'll do something drastic. I wish her equilibrium.
I'm worried he'll sink into depression. I wish him lightness.
I'm worried this will takes years. I wish for swift grace.

While you're at it, you could do one gorgeous global wish: I wish for the end of suffering and happiness of all beings. That about covers it.

Send wishes. And more wishes. The wishes will nest in your psyche and begin to inform your concern, your words, your actions. When you're not preoccupied with worrying, you're free to serve, in so many ways.

. . . . . . .

OTHER WORRY-DIFFUSING RESOURCES...

If you're still worried, check out this lovely visual of encouragement from one of my favourite beautifiers and entrepreneurs, Alisa Barry, CEO of Bella Cucina.

More?! Right on. Nathan Hangen just released Fear to Fuel. It's an impressive collection of ambitious, creative people who clearly haven't wasted much time worrying while they defined success on their own terms. Hot stuff.

Can't get too much love and insight? 7.7.7. from Ronna Detrick, "7 Conversations. 7 Amazing Women. 7 Invitations." This is a beautiful workbook, and I'm honoured to be one of the 7 along with Patti Digh, Karen Maezen Miller, Jen Louden, Dani Shapiro, Susan Piver, and Katrina Kenison. Dig in here.

 

7 things I know about active letting go. (sure beats waiting.)

Note: "active letting go" is not to be mistaken for "passive letting go", whereby life rips stuff out of your grip, or you paint yourself into a corner, or things get so heavy they stop you in your tracks and you have to ditch them just to carry on. Active letting go is a little more...pro-active. It's a practice. It's awake. It's somewhat delightful (except for the agony of it.)

7 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT ACTIVE LETTING GO:

1. There's always more to let go of. It's endless and it's beautiful because it's endless. Just surrender to the endlessness of it.
2. Typically, letting go is painful – in varying degrees, from wince to damn near crippling, it's gonna hurt. Fact.
3. Hard leads to soft. Imagine ripping off a bandage; dropping an heirloom off at the thrift store and resolving to not go back to get it; kissing him or her that way for the last time and tearing yourself away because you need to grow in the other direction; boarding the plane with a heavy heart… When you steel the nerve to be tough enough to let go, you crossover over a sacred line. And on the other side, Tenderness is waiting for you, and She's very proud and she's very encouraging.
4. Baby steps are okay, but you can't avoid the pain that surfaces when you commit to the letting go. (See, you just can't get around the pain part.)
5. From the mundane to the monumental, letting go hurts. Always has, always will. (Yes, a repeat of #2. It bears repeating.)
6. Acceptance is medicine. When you just accept that the pain of letting go is part of the deal, your let-go wound will heal faster.
7. Out of, say, 123 people I've talked to about letting go of all sorts of stuff - material and emotional - 88% of them wished they'd done it sooner, and 97% of them have no regrets whatsoever. Only 3% are still confused. When you let go, the odds are in your favour.

I've let go of a dizzying amount in a relatively short amount of time. In two years: a business, a marriage that ended lovingly but necessarily broke my heart (open), a home filled with things I chose with great intention. A friendship that grew so small it choked any possibility of newness. Bags of gorgeous clothes and jewelery. Boxes of well-loved books, and photos, and legal documents, and other evidence of how smart I thought I was back then. My proud stack of Dwell Magazines. Wedding shoes. Ambitions. My hair stylist.

By nature, I'm not a collector. I am, as my friend Marianne puts it, a ruthless, serial shedder. I was joking to a soul sister that If I let go of anything else, I'm not going to have a sofa to sit on, I'll be wearing flip flops in the winter, and only two people are going to come to my funeral. But I've surrendered to the endlessness of it. And it's a resolution that softens.

For me to shed even more (I'm on ShedVenture with Bindu Wiles and 155 other shedettes,) well, I'm getting close to the marrow these days. Thankfully. The marrow is the source of vitality.

Deep deep deep beneath constructs of time, and idealism, and things I "captured" along the way is the freedom that has been pulling me forward my whole life. Always forward.

(And BTW, Why do we need to capture memories? As if they need to be tamed and penned lest they get away. My memories can come and go as they please, they're much more meaningful that way. This might explain why I have next to no photos in my home. Anyway...)

So I'm still shedding -- taking deep breaths and actively letting go. I'm not waiting until I'm ready to let go. I've waited long enough. Carried stuff long enough. Longed long enough. For lightness. For that tender place on the other side of courage.

Empty your hands and your heart. Regularly.
Take deep breaths. Often.
And move stuff over and out.
Make space (what a creative act! space-making!)
The space is full of what you really need.

. . . . . . . . .

Next month my yoga homegirl Marianne Elliot is offering a special Karma version of her 30 days of yoga online course. It's usually $100 bucks, but this time she's inviting you to pay-what-you-can and she will donate all the money to HIV/AIDS projects in South Africa.

Heard all about the benefits of yoga but can't find the time (or courage) to get along to a class? This is for you. Been going to classes for years but struggle to practice regularly at home? This is for you too. Take care of yourself while you support a great cause. Registrations close 3 October. Check it out.

 

the divine law of the ugly chair, hot shopping and nyc love

Possibilities & The Divine Law of The Ugly Chair, my guest post on BinduWiles.com

In a past life, I did a bit of interior design work to pay the bills. This was a common scene: The homeowners and I do a walk through of their house. In the living room is a garish chair. Fugly. Usually a lounger, often with some kind of floral pattern. The couple has brought me in because they want fresh, contemporary, comfort. “What’s with the chair?” I ask. “We know it’s horrible, we hate it. But we haven’t had the money to get a new one.” Me: “Get rid of it this weekend.” Them: “But what will we sit on?” Me: “Sit on the floor. Pile up on the couch. You’ll figure it out. The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner the right chair will show up.”

Here's the monumentally important philosophical point: The Divine Law of the Ugly Chair applies as much to furniture and stuff, as it does to lovers, jobs, and thought forms. Please head over to BinduWiles to read the full article.

And if you're inspired, join in The Shed Project. I'm an active member in the Shed-venture, and I'll be writing more in the coming weeks about the terror, ecstasy, and thrilling efficiency of letting go-go-go.

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Fresh WhiteHot
I just gave my website a facial. Newness =
: HOT SHOP! which now includes an extended list of People You Need To Know (like, coaches, writers, and other life-supporters), some Most Recommended Resources, and a spiffed up personal Amazon store.
: RAVES! fabulous things (most of it unsolicited, even!) that purchasers of The Fire Starter Sessions are saying.
: GIGS: A calendar of upcoming speaking gigs + events in NYC, Seattle, Vancouver, Portland OR, and next week in the Salt Lake City area.

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NEW YORK, I love you.
Two things:
1) I'm speaking at the Rich, Happy, Hot Live event at Donna Karan's Urban Zen Center on November 13. It will be an epic 3 day event. I'll be hanging for most of it because I'm mad-crazy about everyone involved and the chickas who have registered so far. Not sure, but I think it's almost sold out (only 150 places.) Check it out, make it happen if you can.

2) SAVE THE DATE. Tweet up Anniversary! Were you at the Thom Bar in SOHO last September with some really hot mamas + me? You'd remember if you were. Details are in the works but Bindu Wiles (who I met at said legendary Tweet Up) and I are looking at Thursday November 11, Wednesday November 10 for a gathering. Just to drink and laugh. No microphones or sign up sheets. The world is invited. Stay tuned.

Lovetothelove,

 

7 tiny big life shifters

This summer was about deeper healing for me. Bod', psyche, bank account, relationships...relating...creating. Change can be radical but the steps to healing are usually small >> sequential >> interconnected.

This is how some of it came together for me. I:

1. Let go of my "check-my-email-in-the-morning-guilt." Screw it. I LIKE to check my email first thing in the morning. It doesn't mean that I'm a distracted workaholic, it means I'm an excited Creative who loves her friends and new friends and what she does with her day...life >> this actually led to LESS email checking throughout the day >> more creative space >> deeper meditation >> clearer ideas.

2. Got a mean blender machine. This led to smoothies >> more complex smoothies with bee pollen and greens and ginger >> less wasted food (cause you can just throw it in the blender!) >> healthier lunches >> feeling great(er) in the evening >> great enough to get my smoothie ass to evening yoga class.

3. Bought a two month pass at local yoga studio. The psychological grip of wanting to get my money's worth led to doing yoga at least 3x/week >> riding my bike more on the days I couldn't make it to yoga because I wanted to stretch >> feeling so good about riding + getting my money's worth, that I committed to an 18-month yoga pass.

4. Committed to doing 100,000 Heart Sutra mantras. I got this, like, "assignment" from a Buddhist Lama who's been good enough to humor my big Q's about consciousness. "Do 100,000 Prajnaparamitas and get back to me," he said. "Is that all ya got for me, Chief?!" Well, only 96,000 to go! Realistically, it will take me a few years to accomplish this, (unless I drop out of society and chant days on end for months.)

It's RADICAL for me to commit to something and NOT drive for velocity and accomplishment, but rather, devote myself to the journey itself. This has led to a deeper surrender to my creative impulses >> which in turn led to me giving myself permission to write a whole new book two years sooner than I had planned...but not in a rush >> which inspired me to take a lot of the summer off.

5. Started consciously smiling, gently, mostly internally, during meditation and on walks. This is probably the slightest but most effectual lil' thing I've done recently. Smiling effects brain chemistry. It's a reminder of your true nature. It let's the light in. It's shifting me.

Try it. Close your eyes. Feel a smile behind your face. (IMPORTANT: There is no need to bust out in a cheesy, forced grin. That's bad news.) Just let the corners of your mouth curl gently upwards. On the phone, falling asleep, right now...feel a smile.

6. I read Geneen Roth's Women Food & God. >> which led to the blender (see #1) >> which led to all sorts of delicious awareness. Roth has written a book of monumental importance in terms of our wellness. Want to convert years and pounds of toxic thinking and self-criticism into freedom-fuel? Read it and set yourself free. It is, as the subtitle puts it, an unexpected path to almost everything.

7. I read Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer >> which made me consider the more abstract and magical ways to tell happy-painful-true-imagined stories >> which inspired me to recapitulate all of the great stories and 'isms that my little boy and I have >> in to sitting down and writing our very stories together >> deeper love.

>> healing.

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The rave reviews for The Fire Starter Sessions are rolling in. Big happiness.
Please check out the love and get your own copy for back to school brilliance.

"The Fire Starter Sessions is the revolution you’ve been waiting for. It will shake-up and wake-up every aspect of your life. Danielle LaPorte combines soulful wisdom with razor sharp business advice to create a blue print for moguls, spiritual rockstars, and lovers of life. Skinny dip head first into this hot and fabulous book. I dare you."
– Kris Carr | Award-winning Author and Documentarian, Crazy, Sexy, Cancer