you’re a mess of contradictions. how very beautiful.

 
 

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.”
- Walt Whitman

Soon after we met, my man and I were getting ready for a party. “I’m not good at parties,” I warned him. “What?! You’re like the public-speaking power chicklet.” “Noooo. I’m the girl in the kitchen who talks to one person all night and leaves without saying goodbye.” Give me a stage and I will rock the house. Give me a house party and you’ll barely know I’m there.

Authenticity is not an either/or equation. Your soul is an all-inclusive package ... frills, foibles, and contradictions. It’s your opposing parts that leverage your magnificence into full force.

My extroverted introversion used to cause me great grief. Am I a sincere fake? The Boo Radley freak who doesn’t talk to neighbours? Surely, if I were more genuine and loving I’d be more outgoing. Sigh. None of it’s true. All of it’s true. I’m an outgoing Lone Ranger, a white Canuck who feels like a Nubian Queen on the inside, a fiercely loyal opportunist.

HOW TO SPOT YOUR CONTRADICTIONS
: When has someone said, “That really surprises me about you,” “I can’t believe you did that”?
: Where do you feel the pull to compromise vs. rebel?
: Guilt can be a primo indicator for inner truth tugs. What are your guilty pleasures or indulgences?
: What do you save for special occasions {from your dancin’ shoes to your verbal affection}?
: What would going “wild” look like for you?
: What do you deny yourself?

LOVVVE YOUR ASSORTED WAYS
Now, aren’t you a curious critter? The Buddhist who knows every Metallica song by heart. The stay-at-home mom who wants to be a pole dancer. The Pro-Choice devout Catholic.

Don’t resign yourself to your idiosyncrasies. “Accepting" yourself is a passively lame option for full-tilt self love. Exalt your contradictions, celebrate them, go so far as to use them to your divine advantage.

Congratulations! You are large. You contain multitudes.

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join the convoposted 15 Jan 09 in: White Hot, inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags:   ·   View Comments

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  • Thank GOD we're all so very complex! I've become fascinated by this concept and one perspective that I love is if you can hold all your contradictions and not hide them something new will manifest. “Stand in the tension of opposite long enough for something new to emerge. In the realm of the Mondorla, the whole truly yields something greater than the sum of its parts, opening doors of possibility, discovery, and creativity. It demonstrates the principle of “power with,” rather than “power over,” and it stands as a signpost on the path of walking between opposites. (The Mandorla – An Ancient Symbol for Today’s World)

    If you want to read more: http://guineverejohnsonhealer.blogspot.com/2010...

    Thank you!
  • "It’s your opposing parts that leverage your magnificence into full force."

    Thank you for sharing this piece. I just found your site via fear.less and I'm thoroughly enjoying your insights. :)
  • I love this post! And I love your blog! I just recently stumbled upon it, and have been reading through all your articles. You are really inspirational, and totally speak to me. =] Thank you!
  • wow. came through here via @zenpeacekeeper on twitter. please find a small moment and hit the contact button on my website! walt lives there too! :) LOVE it.

    thanks for this.
  • Renee Michelle Morrison
    Thank you for understanding me, and helping me accept me!!
  • such a perfect line... "I’m the girl in the kitchen who talks to one person all night and leaves without saying goodbye."

    love it! found you from a link on kelly biel's site. adding to my RSS
  • Nancy Froio
    I would appreciate reading/knowing from you just how
    to use our contradictions as leverage? What is possible? What do you know about this, Danielle?
    A whole lot, I suspect.
  • JJ
    Thank you, thank you!! I thought I was alone with the extrovert/ introvert characteristics. I'm a great bartender at a popular place yet I have days where I won't leave my house and of course I try to avoid neighbors.
  • Danielle,
    I'm addicted to your blog, and read this post when it first came out, but for some reason the concept didn't really *click* with me until recently. I really took a good long look at myself, and I realized that I truly am a tangled mess of contradictions! At first, the thought freaked me out, but now I know that the knowing doesn't change me - in fact, it makes me proud! So thanks for the confidence booster! You have always been, and will forever be, a source of inspiration. :)
  • happy to be your positive addiction!
  • Holy crap did I ever need to read this today. I'm a take-charge decision-maker on projects, and work-related things, but when it comes to the weekend I'm easy-peesy and go-with-the-flow and that's OKAY!
    I don't need to change who I am.
  • Kim
    I totally relate to that extroverted introvert thing -- that's an awesome theme and I think it's a great combo too - I'm glad other people feel this way too - people are always putting others in boxes... (me too, I think!)
  • Connie
    You and I sound very similar. We do contain multitudes and we are all in this together; for that I am so grateful. Thank you for this amazing, inspiring, and
    kick-ass website, Danielle. Whats your sun sign; can you share with us? I'd
    venture a Scorpio or maybe an Aquarius.........
  • Gemini sun w/ FIVE! planets in Virgo. Venus in Aries.
  • Just want to say that I love your blog. You say so much of what I feel in your posts! I just realized that although I'm uncomfortable when I know the spotlight is on me, I gravitate towards things that put me in the spotlight. How strange is that! I'm also the one who wants to hide in the kitchen at a party. :) It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has a mess of contradictions!
  • Oh, I know exactly what you mean! I have often felt very alone in this regard. Even those who know me best are often surprised by my contradictions, still, years later. It's exhausting trying to contain them! So I finally decided to stop. I am all these crazy things, yes. Yep! I know, can you believe it? I know, who would have thought. =)

    Thanks for this!

    E
  • I thought I was so unique, I call myself a social loner, though I give good party and good private convo I can go days without needing/wanting to talk, oh ok a few words but nothing heavy (man).
    I am full tilt and like myself that way, I'm fortunate, some other people LOVE me for this, others not so much, too perplexing and intense, I say whatever, I am who I am.
    My challenge is my kid, who is 10 today : ) for her I will ditch my rebel and compromise but when all is said and done I don't really consider it a compromise at all, just a new choice : )
    I wonder what 'wild' would look like but what comes to mind is sexual, hahaha
  • hey Zen Lill - thanks for the link love on your blog. {I remember that dragon fly tee, you know...}
  • Liz
    Do you mean to say contract, or contradict?
  • caught it - thanks. contradict.
  • Fructuous!
    Your words, "Exalt your contradictions, celebrate them, go so far as to use them to your divine advantage."
    Great for a meditative self-reflective retreat, I will be going there!
  • Tam
    I declared 2009 my year of "un-apology" for exactly this reason: I've grown tired of trying to behave the way I'm "expected" to behave. I just want to be who I am and have people (especially me and others who claim to love me) accept me—quirks and all. It takes a little work to deal with a paradoxical creature like I am. (the glam earth mother, the Afrocentric Anglophile, the one who craves partners but wants to be alone.) It's not easy to integrate all those contradictions. But it's worth it—because the whole, real, juicy person is much more interesting than the MadameToussaud's wax version.
  • sean stargazer
    Hell-bloody-yes!

    A year of un-apology is just what I need. I am tired of behaving in ways that other people expect, but really hurt me and my spirit.

    I am a rock 'n' roll tomboy, faerie goddess, social maverick with a generous helping of Nefertiti mixed in for flavour. I love all of these wild aspects of me and want to love and embrace them instead of trying to pretend these contradictions don't exist.

    Viva un-apology!
  • oh yeah baby....melt.the.wax. < sizzle, crackle, pop! >
  • You so speak to me - thank you again!
  • Barbara
    Oh can I relate! A gregarious introvert -- has caused me no end of conflict! b
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