we know you’re busy. now shut up about it.



{72 re-tweets}

"So sorry, I've been busy."
"I'm just so busy with..."
"I've been too busy too..."

Busy? Get in line.

If I ever tell you that, “I’m so sorry that I've been too busy to...” then I'll pay $500 bucks to your favourite charity and get you a year supply of Haagen Dazs bars. Of course I'm busy. That's life. That's my life. That's most people's lives. Grown up humans tend to be...busy. Add kids, or business start ups, or illness into the mix and you have...much more of life to be busy about.

"I'm just so busy," is the typically gasping, rushed, whiny refrain that's become a contemporary anthem. It doesn't make us look more important, it makes us look just-this-side-of-frazzled. It's typically used as a lite apology, an excuse, a duck-out, as if your Life Master is making you do stuff that you don’t want to do. Even as a well-intended social pleasantry, "Sorry, I've been busy," has a little victim ring to it.

Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it - in the fullness of ambition and desire and wanting to eat life whole. Sometimes we take on to-do's and commit to climb mountains because our soul demands it. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and unrelenting demands. Sometimes busyness is the result of keeping up with the Joneses. Busy can be good. Busy can be bad. Busy is most often a choice.

The "busier than our predecessors...age of technology...workaholic culture," argument. I don't buy it. Yes, we appear to be more compulsive, less nuclear, and surviving on less sleep than the pioneers, but their lives were just as packed. They were extremely busy planting potatoes and raising barns, and surviving from sunup to sundown (they got more sleep than we average because, a) they didn't have the luxuries that light bulbs afford, and b) they did physically exhausting work.) The fifties housewife was just as busy. Before eco-evil but ever-so-handy tools like disposable diapers, the Swifer and microwaves, June Cleaver had to work it.

"Sorry, I've been busy," is often used to appease busy-bodies. - the kind of people who email you to double check if you got their email from yesterday, or their thank you note.

So what do you tell 'em when you're late? When you can't fit another moment into your daytimer, when you have to send regrets, or pass on a sweet opportunity? Tell them the truth. Report on life, rather than whining about it. Deliver it with ease or with pride if you're inclined. "Been in five cities in four weeks. The kid’s all had the flu. It's tax season, you know.” Let people meet you in your clear truth rather than your apologetic panic.

And sometimes, many times, you don't need to excuse yourself at all. Just show up. Present and accountable, full of life and it's demands. We all understand.

. . . . . . . .

There are a few spots in my Vancouver Business Fire Starter group this weekend.

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  • This is one of my pet peeves. I have two friends who are ALWAYS saying, "Hi, how are you? Sorry it's been so long, I've been crazy busy!"

    The thing is, they're ALWAYS busy. They are never NOT busy, and it's because they choose to be. They like being busy, having schedules packed to the brim. That's fine if they want to live that way, but they need to stop apologizing for it and acting like it's news.
  • i love this post so much. i am so glad you put this out there. now if only everyone in the world would read it and shut up about their busyness. enough already.
  • Dead on. I love choosing to be busy! The note to my 20yr old self (great post btw) might be "Kudos to you- you were much more skilled at balancing your serious and playful side and recognizing you enjoy the busyness than you are in your 30's ...I've learned a lot by reflecting back on you- oh, and beach vacations are now mandatory". I vow to never despair at my busyness again! thanks for the reminder;) "Design your own day"!
  • This was such a wake-up call to me. I've been slammed by school and work and business and side projects and you're right. I don't HAVE to do ANY of these things. I choose to.

    Actually it gives me a sense of freedom to know I DO have the power to drop something if I need to. And I have.

    I heard a great line from a business development conference last year: "When you think you just don't have enough time, remember that greats like Lincoln and Einstein had the same 24 hours/day."

    Definitely puts it in perspective.
  • I find this very true and eye-opening. I also have to add that some of the busiest people I know never actually say that they're 'busy'. My sister has a super jam-packed life and schedule, yet she is the one who manages to make the most time for others. Perhaps 'busy' may be just another way to say 'disorganized' or 'unfocused'. It also my just be a safe way to tell others that they're not priorities in your life.
  • I AM busy (as are we all, I know), and I tell people "I was busy" when I don't want to go into detail. I don't necessarily want everybody to know exactly what I've been doing, nor do they all want to know.

    So I do tell people "I'm sorry, I've been busy." because it's true.

    My current task is simplifying my life so that I am less busy.
  • I, too, just found your site after a friend Tweeted this particular post. I like your style, humor and honest framing. This topic speaks volumes to me and I will send it to my 4 sisters, and 4 brothers all who are always "too busy" for connectedness, regardless of our distance. Also, I have organizing clients who need a dose of this reality, and I will be taking my measured spoonful too.
  • I like how you're so frank about saying what you think. It's true though - how people make excuses when they're busy. But everybody has a life so everybody is technically busy with his or her own life. It's just up to you to deal with whatever you do with your life. Looking forward to reading more interesting posts like this!
  • It's my first time to your site and I love it!

    This post was awesome! Until I got conscious of using that statement I like everyone else, used it as the perfect excuse.

    Today no more. While I may still say it here and there out of a momentary unconsciousness or because I chose to say it for whatever reason, busy just does not appeal to me anymore.

    Like you said, if we are busy it is because we are the ones who said "yes" to all those things that are making us so.

    That is why today I love a life based on accountability. Much more fun this way :)
  • welcome!
  • KA
    I just came across your blog today and I want to thank you. You are my new inspiration and guide. I can't wait to read back through the rests of your posts!
  • welcome!
    xo
  • so timely for me...thank you....the part where you say "Report on life, rather than whining about it." I have been noticing lately how often I don't do this....
  • If white is the new black and green the new pink - then is "I'm busy" the new FU?
  • McToad
    Nice article. One nit:

    "Before eco-evil but ever-so-handy tools like disposable diapers, the Swifer and microwaves"

    A little FYI -- microwaves are eco-friendly -- they are the MOST energy efficient way of heating anything with water in it. The only means of cooking that is more eco friendly is a solar cooker. Next time you cook, observe all the waste heat generated. A microwave wastes next to nothing. 2c
  • So true - this has long been a lament of mine as well. Another disturbing facet to this trend is when you ask someone how they are, and their reply is "busy." So "busy", apparently, is right up there with excited, happy, depressed, etc - on par with how we feel - terrifying!
  • Love it, Danielle. I laughed and got a lighter perspective reading about eating life whole. Yup, that's what gets me there ever time.
  • Boy do I feel guilty - I'm often the guy apologizing and saying how busy I've been. After reading this, there's no doubt it's just a sad, sorry-ass excuse. No more - if I'm being a slacker, I'll just say it, and not blame my being busy.
  • bag the guilt. claim the slackage.
    xo
    D
  • ouch. stings a little, that truth, but i love it. recently started reading your posts and i love the rawness. great post, thanks for not being too busy, too crazy, to whelmed to share.
  • Absolutely nailed it! Thank you for this, and the great comments!

    Years ago I read an interview with one of my favorite writers, Elmore Leonard. He explained how he wrote many of his early books while he was working full time. He kept the manuscript in a drawer and whenever he had a few minutes, he'd pull it out and add something. He summed it up with something like: "If you really want to do something, you'll find the time to do it."

    That one sentence has helped me stay on track better than anything.
  • Man, I really want to read this, but I am too busy right now!

    Just kidding.

    The greatest thing to ask about the "busy" you are doing is whether it is productive "busy" or unproductive "busy". We are overwhelmed with inputs today: Twitter, Blogs, RSS, TV, etc. A lot of the "busy" that people refer to, I feel, is a combination of distraction, obsession, and procrastination.

    The modern social interaction online through mobile devices, instant "status updates", and apparent urgency through email leads to a lot of absorption with little distribution. Screening emails, putting down the Blackberry, and limiting unnecessary distracting inputs will free up a lot of "busy" time and leave you with a lot of productive time.

    Get busy getting un-busy
  • I love what you're saying about owning our choices. "Busy" is an excuse, something we hide behind as though it makes us unique. I agree that we should acknowledge that we haven't responded/called back because we chose not to. We decided that other things were more important. We made other things a priority. I think if people think about their choices this way, they might respond to emails/phone calls/texts in a completely different way. When we know what our core values are, we act on putting them first, not on responding to the person who screams the loudest.

    Thank you for writing this. I know what to write in my post for today now.
  • Lori-Ann
    yes! someone so desperately needed to write just this!

    And how strangely boring to hear the "I'm busy" one-up-man-ship banter, in the form of "How are you?" "I'm busy, how about you?" "Oh, you wouldn't believe how busy I am," as if the most busy one wins!
  • Traci
    "Sorry, I've been busy," has a little victim ring to it.

    As it did for Pearl, this shook up my bones. I refuse to be a victim of my own life. I don't think I'll ever use the word "busy" again without really thinking about it. THANK YOU!!!
  • Life is a buffet. Finish the first plate before getting the next!

    So its either "I'm busy" turned out to be poor time management or they (not referring to anyone of us here *smiles*) happen to be a greedy bunch who grabs 3 plates (or more) and can't finish 'em.

    That aside, oh! I'm kinda a person who'd run late in the mornings -- 1st meetings -- (legendary). I'd let those who're meeting me know this "bad habit" way in advance for any scheduled meet-ups, and on the morning itself send out an update once I'm getting ready to make my move. No fluff needed. :)
  • My other favorite is, "Oh I'm so sorry it took me 3 weeks to respond to your text message. Things have just been so crazy here."

    Makes my skin crawl.
  • The "victim" comment really hits home and I realize how often I relish in that status with certain family memebers so they will either back away or support me. Pathetic!
  • 'relishing the status" ooooo. nice one. now I'm thinking about what other 'statuses that I relish' - for better and for worse.
  • Michelle
    Uber bang on. Thank you D.
    Just figuring out where I can print and post this to keep my compass powerfully pointed on where I choose to be.
  • I heartily agree with this post, and have been guilty of the busy comment when I am, as Janice so aptly put it, feeling overwhelmed. Not allowing myself the busy excuse is another good way to not let myself get overwhelmed in the first place, and if I do, to simply call it what it is. Excellent.
  • Terin
    So weird...I was just thinking last week that I should do a blog post about this. It annoys the hell out of me when people use that excuse...
  • Love, Love, LOVE this post. An excellent (as ever) reminder that we are always in choice. Saying yes to some things means we need to say no to others. Like being on time, or getting rest.

    Excuses bore me too: http://bit.ly/fvSJ4

    Thanks for the truth...you shine!
  • This post will be a wake-up slap in the face for a lot of folk, but I try not to forget that many people get overwhelmed without realising it and start to use the word "busy" when they mean overwhelmed or feeling like they're on a treadmill they're scared they can't get off.

    I completely agree that we're all responsible for exactly where we are, and that our lives are the sum total of our choices, but I also know that undiagnosed illness and low grade chronic depression can fog the lens and clog the filter for a lot of folk, too. I agree with you that we need to be honest - I tend to be - but a lot of folk find it difficult to say "I've deprioritised you because I like other people and other activities more than you."

    Great piece! It really got me thinking.
  • I need to write about "overwhelmed," I think it's a lack of faith that you have the resources to meet the demands. I've started saying "whelmed" it's my new fav word.
  • Reframing thoughts through words is one of my favourite things, too!! I use the word "to mantle" for IKEA furniture, I "ravel" more than I unravel and wrote a draft post about feeling whelmed!
  • Sally
    All too true, being busy is an opt-out excuse. Sadly with kids too, we get busy on all the wrong things. I work from home and thought just being around my little boy would be enough until I found a hand written note in my bag. He wrote… mommy you always work, it makes me sad. Although I am busy, I am now never too busy for him.
  • Great point Danielle, when I step back and look at it, I am constantly telling people sorry for answering their emails 4 or 6 days later. Living on the opposite side of the globe from many clients, plus add in running a business, blogging, events & volunteer work and that makes for one very busy Cody! :)

    Anyway, I should stop apologizing and just re-frame people's expectations. Wish I didn't have so many of those well-meaning (yet frustrating) folks "double checking if you got their email from yesterday" as you say. I think our culture has this unhealthy addiction to instant gratification in communication.
  • the 'reframing expectations' idea is one that I really learned this year. once I stopped 'over producing in order to sell myself' I could breathe easier and actually be more available or the people I served.

    Thanks for chiming in Cody.
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