the Dalai Lama looked me in the eye and said, women rule! (in so many words)

 
 
Jammin' with His Holiness, Dharamsala India. That's me in the bangs, 2nd from his left.

Jammin' with His Holiness, Dharamsala India. That's me in the bangs, 2nd from his left.

A little story to start the weekend...

TO INDIA WE GO
Just about to turn thirty, I was given a rare opportunity to have a private audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama. “Hey kid,” my boss said on the other end of the phone, “I think I’ve got us a meeting with the Dalai Lama ... at his place in India. You in?”

I had no idea how I was going to swing three weeks in India, the flight from Seattle to New Delhi, Delhi to Bangalore and back. “Yeah, I’m in.” And like most things meant to be, the money showed up at the right time and I showed up in smelly Delhi with high expectations.

His Holiness is based, along with the exiled Central Tibetan Administration, in the high mountain region of Northern India in Dharamsala. It is essentially a little Tibet, teeming with refugee Tibetans and transported monks. And it's a hell of a trek to get there. Planes, trains, and mini vans switch-backing up thin, cliff-side roads for hours.

DALAI LAMA DAY
After being thoroughly frisked and passed through metal detectors, my five travel mates and I were ushered into a His Holiness's meeting room furnished with stunning tankas and red mahogany trimmed sofas. We waited like groupies before the big show.

We were told we'd have precisely fifteen minutes to meet. And he was already fifteen minutes late. What if something more important came up? It would be understandable if he blew us off at the last minute. We weren't diplomats or officials. We weren't even Buddhists.

He burst in, robust and radiant, “Sohhh sorry! Sohhh sorry to keep you waiting.” {You're the 14th reincarnation of the venerable Dalai Lama and you're apologizing to this motley crew? I thought. Now that's an entrance.}

COMPASSION, WOMEN + GEN X
We spoke of universal consciousness. Are there different consciousnesses on different planets or dimensions? "One, ultimately one consciousness, is what I think," he replied. We spoke of current military actions and politics. We laughed. We mostly laughed in amazement at his bellowing belly laughs. I watched him like a hawk. I thought to myself, don't be glamoured, Danielle. His greatness could be a projection from followers, a role he plays. And still, I felt a complete sense of clean, sincere, awesomeness. In my most humble estimation, this guy registered as The Real Thing.

The clock was ticking. One after the other, like school children in a row, he gestured for each person to ask their question. And then he skipped a beat. He abruptly turned to me. Penetrating gaze. Fuzzy eyebrows raised. “You. You have a question, yes you.” In wasn't my turn yet. It was Valentines' Day. I really just wanted to say, "Sir, will you be my Valentine? I have a total crush on you."

“Uh, yes, well, my generation is at a crossroads where no other generation has been before.” {Duh, that’s naturally true of every generation.} "And I wondered, what message do you have for us Gen X’rs?”

“Ah yes, crossroads." Nodding briskly. "Well, in the West, you have education, and this is good. And you have technology. And this is good. But, you do not educate your people in values. Values of the heart. Compassion. This you must do."

"And you see, it does not matter whether you are Buddhist or Christian." he went on. "Compassion lives in heart, beyond religion. Even me, Buddhist, I can say, you do not need Buddhism, just the compassion of the heart." Call me cynical, but I just can't see The Pope being so flexible.

"Women know this," he went on. "Because, peace, peace is implicit in women. You put boys together, they make war. You put women together, they make peace. Women are the leaders of the future." He spoke of Jimmy Carter as a leader with feminine-based principles, and Benazir Bhutto as a "very aggressive woman, but good leader...very good leader." And he laughed. And laughed.

Almost an hour had gone by.

SEEN AND LOVED
Even though his secretary insisted we wrap, HH glanced 'round the room and said, "Okay?" as if to ask our permission to be excused. Quick photo op. Cameras flashing. More laughter.

And then the Dalai Lama did the most incredible thing. When I thought he was about to exit left and high tail it out of there, he moved toward the doorway entrance and waited patiently for each of us to file out. And then he hugged each one of us good-bye. Slowly. Firmly. Like your favourite grandparent hugs you - with thankfulness and deep care, like they have all the time in the world.

And when he pulled back from our Most Holy Bear Hug, he looked me in the eyes, as he did with each of us, and he smiled wide and nodded. And let me tell you, without an ounce of romanticism, being in his gaze was like having the milky way grinning down on me. I have only rarely in this lifetime felt so clearly seen, and so clearly loved. The simultaneity of recognition and acceptance was intoxicating.

And out we filed.

So how do you follow up a meeting with the Dalai Lama? With fries and Coke in a smokey cafe, of course. We debriefed in the glow. We were stoned on the experience. We dissected his political views and take on universality. And each one of us, in our own way, said, "How about that hug, eh?"

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  • Just reading this gave me chills! What an amazing experience - thank you for sharing it!
  • Interesting that this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for such a beautiful telling of a hug to be envious of. And all of the other wisdom, of course. Compassion, with or without the framework of religion, is the truth.

    Hugs and butterflies,
    ~T~
  • derek
    great story d
  • sue
    Thank you Danielle
    I am touched by the feeling of .........."I have only rarely in this lifetime felt so clearly seen, and so clearly loved. The simultaneity of recognition and acceptance was intoxicating."
    what an amzing Journey! I want some!
    Again, thank you for sharing and opeing our eyes just a bit more!
  • jo martin
    In 1989, HH came to New Mexico and I was privileged to be a member of the "security pack" -- a high security presence was wanted to protect him, but no uniformed guards, etc. So 100 of us, vetted by two members of the organizing committee (all friends of friends, no CIA/FBI/NSA checks), formed a solid, moving mass around him whenever he was out and about; first rows in venues where he spoke. It was explained to me that I might be killed/injuured if I did this -- I was estatic -- take a bullet for the Dalai Lama? Yes ! Would leap right off the wheel of dharama was my thought. At the end of an amazing week, he had a private audicene for the security gang, the organizers, hangers on, all who worked on his visit -- he shook my hand. I wanted to never wash that hand again.

    I cannot imagine how what? Morvelous? Amazing? Breath-taking? a Most Holy Bear Hug would be -- and to see him in Dharmasala too? Mind-blowing.

    Thank you so much for this story!
  • I'm of the opinion that each one of us has a Most Holy Bear Hug at the ready and available to bestow on any who cross our path, if we but take the time to be present and are willing to share our most authentic selves with another.
  • Lauren
    What a beautiful story. Your website is AWESOME, and so inspiring! Lots of love, Lauren
  • Leah
    Beautiful memory! I could feel that hug through your words. So fantastic.

    I have twice had the honor of seeing HH the Dalai Lama, once at the Seeds of Compassion last summer in Seattle at the Seahawks stadium. Even in that huge stadium, you could feel his amazing energy. And his words about peace and compassion mirror what he said with you here, and still ring very true.

    The other time was a brief chance encounter outside the Buddhist Temple in Greenwood in Seattle. I went there with my stepmom and sister to watch HH the Dalai Lama leaving the temple. It was nothing more than him greeting the small crowd, bowing with hands in namaste to everyone, and then getting in his car and leaving, but you are right, this man is THE REAL THING. His energy was palpable, and even my sister who was probably 5 at the time was blown away.

    Thank you for reminding me :)

    Leah
  • Jen
    Starting my day with a cup of coffee and this beautiful story... thank you for sharing it. I'm reminded of how precious every life is, and that the opportunities for us to give the same love resides in all of us.
  • You know, I had not thought of this, but what you describe, and the Pepsi Center goer too, was the same feeling that permeated... the line that once snaked through Central Park in NYC to see him speak. I didn't get to see him speak, but it was fine. Really fine, after waiting all day. There was such an enormous sense of peace. I agree with Amanda. Imagine us all with our hearts as wide open as proud grandparents. Peace really is, then, possible.
  • Thank you for this beautiful story, Danielle. I was deeply touched reading it.

    Namaste,
    Simon
  • kelsey
    Thank you for sharing that. What an awesome experience!

    I was fortunate to attend last April's Seeds of Compassion event in Seattle at Qwest Field. The love he emanates can be felt across a giant stadium, I can only imagine what it felt like to be that near him.
  • Wow, Danielle. Just....wow.
    Thank you for sharing your experience. Could you imagine if we all tapped into the heart center, like the Dalai Lama does, in every interaction we make? True presence and connection is so, so healing. Perhaps most of the troubles in the world come from people's reactions to not feeling or being fully seen?
    Beautiful.
  • nancy compton
    Danielle-thank you for sharing your story. In reading it and being exposed to what it is you do now, it seems he saw in you the work you were capable of.

    I had the pleasure of being in the presence of the Dalai Lama in a much larger setting at the Pepsi Center in Denver, CO a few years back. When he entered the stage, there was a peace that filled the auditorium. The only way I can express it is a feeling of love. Only love. An all encompassing, unconditional love. It is to that unconditional love of all beings that I aspire to.

    Thanks for the reminder of that moment.
  • your interpretation is a great compliment. thank you.
    "Only love." That's it, isn't it? This reminds me...also on that same trip to India we spent some time at the ashram of a very popular guru (Sai Baba.) And I had a very different experience, not so, uh, loving. I'll have to tell that story next week. To love...
  • Candis Hoey
    I forgot about this story, and the bangs and the glasses.
    You've always been "big", D
    Thanks again for the story.
    Canderella
  • Melissa
    Beautiful. Thank You.
  • pat
    i appreciate your reminiscence, but was disappointed by your swipe at the pope. seems gratuitous and out of sync with the dalai lama's message. i'm not catholic, btw.
  • I'm glad you brought this up, actually. Because a focal point of our debrief about meeting him was this very point. We were all amazed that the head of a centuries-old established religion would essentially be saying that "if you had it, fine, if you didn't, fine." And this seems contrary to the position of other world religion leaders. While converting the masses is no longer de rigueur for the major faith sects (Baptists and JW's excepted), and tolerance is becoming the way, I've never heard another major religion leader say that all you need is love.
  • Bea
    That made me shiver.
  • Rhonda
    I read your guest post on Unclutterer and enjoyed it, so I popped over to check out your blog and I'm glad I did! You are a great storyteller and I am happy you had such a beautiful experience.
  • Amazing story. I love that it was a journey, a trek to get there. And there is something so perfect a) about getting the thing we most crave- being seen- when we least expect it. b) that the most essential thing was not his wisdom but his love. And we can all do that. Amazing!
  • Caren
    Did you see the movie DaliLama Renaissance? Awesome!
  • it's on my list. There's a new Dalai doc out as well, Unwinking Gaze.
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