no pity for a strong soul

Hi Danielle~My sister is head-injured...she survived 7 1/2 months in a coma with her 1st word being "Fuck!" screamed at my shocked Mormon mother, who was too elated to care...she skiied before she could walk, and she makes us all laugh till we pee our pants, each time we see her...But, nothing hurts her, til somebody pity's her. She DOES run & love & Mother & create, just not in the way we do. People like my sister are fine, their challenges are different, it's the rest of the World that has the problem. Love & Light, Heather

This is a great story and an excellent observation. Thanks for sharing!

With your words and consciousness you have transformed judgement, pity, misunderstanding, fear, annoyance, confusion into perfect godlike clarity.
Thank you for this for it really transforms my suffering around what I may judge as anothers sufferings...I can stop my "bleeding" and acknowledge with power..the strong souls.

Thank you Jerry for giving us a perspective of compassion and curiosity

Oh, now that was just plain beautiful. I will remember your Mother's words. Very wise and profound. I have a mentally challenged Uncle and his enthusiasm for life is inspiring. He always speaks at full volume, no matter what the situation and there is no denying his heartfelt love for me when he belts my name out across a crowded room. Makes me smile, just thinking about it.

This is a beautiful post.

Your words moved me to misty eyes. The same sort of thing happened to me when I was little about the homeless. Even as a small child I couldn't understand why and how their lives went so horribly wrong and it would just cry.
I, too, wish for people like Jerry to find love and freedom.
This was a fabulous post.

Thanks Danielle!

I enjoyed your post and also the dialogue with Jay.

It prompted me to mention I've been clean and sober for almost 18 years. It's one day at a time.

There's a line in the "big book" that says "we are like men who have lost our legs" we never grow new ones, in regards to being unable to drink normally.

Just wanted to mention it, smiles, as Jay's words reminded me, I can say I'm a strong soul today! :) In the sense that one day at a time I've found a spiritual connection to quench that "thirst for spirit" (as Carl Jung referred to alcoholism as) I'm a strong soul.

I love your observations and your fondness for the real in people.

Thank you.

My mom works in a home for developmentally disabled people. She cares for them with respect. She comes home with stories about them that are more precious to her than any paycheck could ever be.

Today you helped me understand my mother.

Today you helped me better understand the world.

Where I once looked with pity, I now see reasons for respect. You summed up my fears and explained why my heart breaks every time I see a disabled person.

Tomorrow I'll remember that those people are heroes.

Seriously, and from the bottom of my heart, thanks for your lovely words. :)

I have a mental illness. When my symptoms are obvious, I see the stigma. I am treated as a weirdo when I'm talking to myself and acting strange. Oddly though, I sometimes like being this way. It lets me know I am strong and that my life is worthwhile even though I'm flawed.

@ Jay Schryer. Namaste. Right on. Ommmm Jay. Thank you.

Danielle,
You obviously have a curiousity about this young man that lives in your neighbourhood. His presence has even become something you look forward to in your day,...but does he know that? Something that will be more meaningful than you can imagine, for you and for him, would be for you to met him, reach out and get to know him. Having supported wonderful people like "Jerry" in supported self employment for years now, it is always astonishing how the world under estimates the abilities of those with disabilities. As entrepreneurs, individuals with significant challenges have the opportunity to play to their strengths , participate in community, and build relationships they might otherwise not have. Having friends and authentic relationships outside the circle of "hired" assistants and professional people is one of the biggest challenges for those with intellectual disabilities. As one mother said to me along time ago...."doesn't every parent wish for their child to have real friends". You might like to check out one of our entrpreneurs' websites: www.fun4all.ca .... Lee is autistic, non verbal (but very outspoken)and one dedicated business owner ...I think he would love your approach to life

Brought tears to my eyes. I'm doing some work for a group that advocates for developmentally disabled people and will be sure to forward this on to them. I think it will mean a lot to them. Thank you!

As a person with a (physical) disability, I have to say that I take offense at this. I know you mean well, but being disabled doesn't mean we have a "strong soul". Of course, we don't want your pity, nor do we want you to think any less of us because we are disabled. However, we also don't want to be put on a pedastal, either. Being disabled means just that...we're disabled. It doesn't make us any stronger, wiser, thoughtful, or intelligent. It's akin to telling a black person (who happens to be a great athlete) that all black people are great athletes.

I am strong. I am wise. I am intelligent. I am courageous. But that has very little, if anything at all, to do with my disability. I am those things because I chose to be those things, and I worked hard and followed the example of my parents to be that way. As it is said, the hardest thing about having a disability is that people meet it before they meet you. People almost never take the time to befriend us, or even get to know us, much less treat us as equals. The loneliness is crippling (and yes, I used that word on purpose) at times, and being ostracized hurts far worse than anything Divinity chose to give to us.

Jay, I'm so glad you checked in today. Because, you're uniquely qualified to comment and becasue I dig your general life perspective /Porsidan.com. But tell me more about why you're offended, if you're inspired to. I think we're ships passing in the night on this one. Here's another layer of my perspective: pity isn't entirely useful, helpful or progressive. And as a disabled person yourself, you're saying the same thing about pity. But pity, unfortunately, is a social reflex. And my "strong soul" point is to counter that. I don't think disabled people are stronger or more gifted because of their disabilites. And, I believe that Divinity never gives you something you can't handle, or at least, something you didn't agree to take on on some level. What do you think about that?

My mother was a vocational rehabilitation counsellor for years. So every week I hung out with people with mild to severe cerebral palsy, and various forms and reasons of physical defects. My first art teacher was a dwarfed quadriplegic man who held a paint brush in is mouth. And even as a kid, my instinct was two pronged: "ouch" it must suck to be in a wheel chair, and "I guess they're strong becasue they are really living life."And it's from that place that I can meet people and try, just like with everyone else, to interact genuinely. But when you can see someones physical disability, it takes some getting over. Most of can hide our own, various kinds of disabilities.

Hi Danielle,

I know that you come from a place of love in your heart, and that's why I wasn't *too* terribly offended. And perhaps, I was too quick to judge your thoughts. Sometimes I have a "knee-jerk" reaction to these things, which happens because I have been subjected to so much "well-meaning", but completely misplaced "admiration."

As an example, when I still lived in Chicago, I used a manual wheelchair to get around town. Even if there was snow and ice on the sidewalks, I still had to get to work every day. More than once, someone tried to tell me how "brave" I was, just for getting out in weather like that in a wheelchair. The truth is, I wasn't any "braver" or "stronger" than anyone else. I just had to be at work, and there was no other way for me to get there. It was inconvenient, sure. But it wasn't inherently dangerous (thus requiring bravery) or any more difficult (thus requiring physical strength) than anyone else's commute.

In the same way, a person who is disabled might have a strong soul, or they might not. People who have not yet fully accepted their disability (as I myself have not, more on that some other time), have much weaker souls, because they haven't fully integrated their mental and physical "selves" into a cohesive whole unit. That is one of my life challenges for this incarnation, and even though I am working on it, it really is my achilles heel.

I believe that once a disabled person fully integrates, THEN they can be said to have a "strong soul". However, I don't believe that their soul would be any "stronger" than say, a woman who starts her own business and runs a kick-ass blog dedicated to self-realization. :)

Everyone has challenges, everyone has difficulties, everyone has obstacles that they must overcome. Disability is just one of those. It's not any different from an addiction to gambling, or alcoholism, or any other thing that people have to overcome. When (or if!) we overcome our challenges, THEN we can be said to have a "strong soul". Until then, our souls can be said to "have potential" at best.

In a side note, I could probably write an entire blog about the spirituality of disability. But since you asked directly, I'll just leave it with this: Yes, I personally believe that I chose to incarnate as a disabled person in this life. I have done a lot of soul-searching in my quest to fully accept my disability, and the thought that I might have chose this life is comforting and empowering to me. I believe that if I chose it, then I can overcome it. When I overcome it, then (perhaps) I wll have a "strong soul" that will be ready for another set of challenges :)

Danielle:

This entry stuck a chord within that brought tears to my eyes. Tears because this entry was liberating. Liberating because I often feel pity for those among us who are physically or mentally challenged. But thanks to both you and your mother's words, my feelings of pity has evovled. Indeed, those with physical or mental challenges are STRONG.

Thank you for sharing your mother's wise words. And thank you for sharing your personal thoughts of Jerry, as it had really made today's message hit home.

One more thing: I REALLY appreciate the energies you put forth in hopes of enlightening others. What a purposeful thing you do.

I found your post through Twitter. Love your term "a strong soul", it says a lot!

Oh what we can learn about resiliancy from friends like "your Jerry" -- thanks for sharing this today of all days when I really need a kick in the self pity pants!

Danielle, that was a beautiful thought. Thank you so much for posting that. I think that sometimes it's so easy to forget that we are only given that which we can handle and that the people that seem to have it the hardest are the people who really, truly can carry that burden.

I really like this post (and also Nancy's comment above). And I'm going to remember your mother's words too. Strong soul, yes. What a gift for a child to hear that.

This brought tears to my eyes when I read it. So wise. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Ursula

Danielle,
Thank you. I wish there were more people out there that see the world like you see Jerry.

During high school in Alaska, the classrooms for our special needs students were outside of the main dining area. I am not sure what prompted it, but I became friends with Mark. While I built this connection, most of my fiends looked the other way and did not understand. Mark's soul was kind and he made me laugh. Your writing today pulled Mark up from my memory and reminded me that once upon a time I noticed the differences less. What I saw then was what could be shared. Thanks for the reminder to be open and see not the difference, but our connection. And - to learn from the amazing souls we come into contact with...no matter the package.

Thanks for this, Danielle. Great reminder in so many ways.

Painfully beautiful, Danielle

When I was in college I worked taking care of developementally disabled people. It was one of the best and hardest jobs I've ever had. I learned more from the people I cared for than I have ever learned from anyone else and all my years of schooling. They do have strong souls and our amazing people.

Your words today are beautiful, inspiring, and thoughtful.

Danielle, that's so beautiful! And yes, it's a great proposal to replace pity with respect. We should apply that concept to every situation.

I had a brother with a strong soul. I can remember him differently now. thank you.

Beautiful. Thank you...

Thanks for proposing to replace pity with respect. I think that both pity and snark are stealth forms of negativity that really do no good. I know I don't want anyone's pity, and I'm sure Jerry doesn't either.

As the mother of a developmentally disabled son, I feel fire in me as I read about Jerry. Not the fire of being misunderstood or angry. The fire of truth, the fire of strenth, the fire of reaching out with intensity. There is fire in the soul of my son and those who care for him. There is fire in the soul of Jerry! I've come to understand it as the fire of a flaming heart, or in your mother's words, the fire of a strong soul. It all works for me. Anything that moves us through our reaction of pity to a more true 'seeing'...

I feel honoured that you checked in today. To the fire in your boy...and all of us.
xo

You only get that which you can handle, so I have heard it said. When things get tough and I think why me, I remind myself that I can handle it and there is a lesson to be learned. So what is todays lesson? For isn't it all about learning and growing?

Thanks Danielle for your always thought provoking "white hot truth".