in praise of women: magnificent, spacious, fiery witnesses

{if you're reading this via email or RSS, click through the title - there is a playlist embedded.}

Michelle at Wicked Whimsy inspired me to go a bit deeper with a comment that I made in a recent interview:

I often hear “women are our own worst enemies” in terms of our culture. I’m tired of that argument. I think everyone is their own worst enemy, and I don’t think it’s about something women have specifically against each other.

The uh, broadness, of my experience with the women throughout my life leaves me humble, optimistic, proud, and grateful. I've been screwed over by females in business and love, and I've planted a few landmines myself. But those enemy-making times were the results of bumbling, struggling humanness, not ovaries or hormones. We could argue the bio-instincts to procreate, protect and feed that spurs some nasty behavior from chicks, or about Queen Bees and Wanna-Bees -- all very real social dynamics, but I'm here to give witness to the force of pure Goddess positivity that is the hallmark of my life. Word.

MY LIVED EXPERIENCE IS THAT WOMEN SIMPLY ADORE WOMEN:

: Women shake their cosmic pom poms. Go sister go! How many times has a girlfriend told you, that you got it going on, before your head out the door or the dressing room? That even though your new haircut makes you look like a mushroom, your ass looks grrreat. They'll be looking at your ass all night, not your hair. Really, you're hot. Just keep your hat on and don't sit down. Go get 'em.

: A woman makes a cup of her heart. She carries your concerns and fears with you, for you. When your eyes fill up with teary news, so do hers. It happens with women you've known for years, with women you just met at the grocery store, in the ladies room, in a prayer circle. She carries your story with her. She mixes honey with it and re-tells it to you and helps you notice how great you're doing, in spite of everything, because of everything.

: Women bear their fangs for you. Like when Tammy threatened to butt her cigarette out between buddy's eyebrows if he didn't leave us alone. He walked, we rocked.

: Women feed each other - literally and figuratively. Think of all the meetings or retreats you've been to. Who brings the cocoa and sparkling water? Who remembers that you're lactose intolerant? Who asks you if you have everything you need?

: A woman will sacrifice without calling it a sacrifice. Leila was three months pregnant. I was moving cross-country (again.) Road trip anyone? We U-hauled our way from Seattle to Santa Fe with Leila coughing her cookies at every truck stop. I made it to my desert home and she flew back to the coast. And named her little girl Phoebe Danielle.

: Women hold on. It's like Audrey Hepburn said, "Never throw anyone out." It's like my soul sister Donna says, "We're all bozos on the same bus so just go with it." Meep meep.

: Women bypass history. A good sister listens to you bitch about the same jerk for years, she helps you pack when you're smart enough to leave, and she stands by you when you repeat the same lesson with the next emotionally lame lover. She loves you enough to let you do it your way - again, and again, like it was the first time. No drama is too big for big women.

: A woman howls to help you remember what matters the most. She loves you enough to intervene. She will drag you out of your comfort zone and into the moonlight to say "What the fuck are you doing? You may have temporarily forgotten who you are, but I haven't and I'm hear to remind you." Like when Karen told me over green tea, "D, maybe it's all about the divine feminine for you, maybe that's the question to live. It's time to move on from playing small." Arooooo!

: Women touch you. Michelle and I went to visit a friend in the hospital recovering from surgery. Miche brought lavender lotion and massaged Friend's feet while she lay achy and groggy. I'll never forget that stunning moment of loving service.

: Women push. Push babies out, push babies into the world. Baby ideas. Baby thought forms. Baby parts of you. "But Danielle, it's just a thought-form that you 'can't take more,'" Navjit told me. "Don't constrict. Expand." Boundaries, pushed.

: Women know how to navigate the layers because they love the layers. Folds of skin, the sediments of time, the stories that build into the present. Like how Candis not only remembers what I love but knows why I love it. She is reverent, keen, actively interested in the why of me - and that is what it means to be witnessed by a woman. Word.

. . . . . . . .

"The serpent was the best thing to ever happen to Eve." Get this and other pro-cool chick note cards for your favourite sisters.

← read all current inspiration articles

posted 30 Nov 09 in: White Hot, inspiration + spirituality articles · tags: feminism, love · 27 comments

• Follow Danielle on Twitter • Follow Danielle on Facebook

27 comments so far. add your own.

Great way to start the work week - I have passed this blog on to a few of my own fiery witnesses. Thanks for putting into words the thoughts that have been in my head about my "sisters" forever.

Toni
30 Nov 09

I love it! Thank you ma'am.. makes me proud to be a woman! xx

Holly
30 Nov 09

Danielle,
I love this. Thank you. You're so, so right on. I love the image of our hearts as cups, and the basic motif of bearing witness. It's what we are all here to do, after all. And the layers! I have written about how life's a long excavation of layers.
There's a quote I love about how women don't leave hard situations. They "lay in for the stay," their souls flatten & prepare to support through the storm. I love it (though don't have it verbatim).
Thank you.

Lindsey
30 Nov 09

love that. thank you.

Danielle LaPorte
30 Nov 09

Love this post! Women Rock!

Glad
30 Nov 09

One of the things that gets me all riled up is when people make snide remarks about how women are with one another, their inability to work with one another, etc. Now I'll send them to your post for a refresh.

In my own life, I have been blessed by powerful female collaborations, heart-strong female friendships and an unshakeable sisterhood.

Here's to women in all their glory!

jamie
30 Nov 09

oh I needed to read this, I really really did. Thank you

vanessa
30 Nov 09

You move me in so many ways, Miss Danielle! Thanks for bringing this subject to light and fleshing it out in your inimitable way. I bought your book, Style Statement, and have been perusing the first chapter. I will be ready soon to dive into the deep and discover the true Style Statement that I want to project to the world. I want that to be my mission in 2010 to project the me that is authentic and real. Thank you for your continued inspiration. Enjoy the day! Erin

Erin Prais-Hintz
30 Nov 09

Finally someone talks about this. I love this and you. Preach!

Bunmi Zalob
30 Nov 09

This, just in from Lindsey Mead (who, BTW, has a gorgeous blog: http://www.adesignsovast.com/ ) "Women do not leave situations like this; we push up our sleeves, lean in closer, and say, "What do you need? Tell me what you need and by God I will do it." I believe that the souls of women flatten and anchor themselves in times of adversity, lay in for the stay." - Elizabeth Berg

Danielle LaPorte
30 Nov 09

Amen, sister. I love the men in my life, but it's been the women time and time again that have saved me in all kinds of ways. If nothing else, women know how to just show up.

Liz
30 Nov 09

My husband supports all my women crushes because he knows the inspiration I get from my fellow femmes, he gets back in the depth and sparkle of love I am able to give him. I passed this post along to my dearest on Twitter, sending it to my sisters next.
p.s. Danielle, you live in Santa Fe? I lived there myself not long ago. Proud graduate of the St. Johns- M.A. Eastern Classics. I imagine you meeting a lot of like-minded folks there. Maybe you've already checked it out?

@MorganDayCecil
30 Nov 09

I lived in Santa Fe for a few years. It is my mama. Now I'm in Vancouver (BC) Van is my sister.

Danielle LaPorte
30 Nov 09

good goddess, how can i squeeze all of this into a little neat piece I can hang on my bulletin board or my desktop so as to never be far from all of this?

sigh.

Gina
30 Nov 09

Danielle? You got it going on.

Jeri Lynn
30 Nov 09

you baby, you.

Danielle LaPorte
30 Nov 09

Brava! need to FB "you may have temporarily forgotten who you are..." - magnificent (as well as the Eve and serpent thing). Found you thru Kathy Troidle jackson on my FB. Awesome!

Tammy Vitale
30 Nov 09

This post has been reassuring. :) This is so why I wish I had better friendships with women. For some reason, good female relationships elude me ... not sure why ...

Havana
30 Nov 09

i love this, danielle. my friendships with women have gotten me through hell--and brought me back to the light to start all over again. women are fierce, we ask questions, and are not content with brush-off replies or pat answers. my best female friends have built-in bullshit detectors and they let me know when i am setting off the alarms. they scare me--in the best way possible :) i wouldn't want to forge ahead without them!

shanna
30 Nov 09

I love this post! (Big surprise, right?) And thank you for mentioning me! :)

It totally burns me up when I hear people make snide remarks about how women are all catty and backstabbing. I don't have many female friends right now, but just looking at my mom, grandma, and sister is enough to make my heart swell with pride. I certainly don't think women are any more competitive or mean to each other than men are. And if you ask me, that's saying something, since we're told from day one that we're supposed to be.

Michelle
30 Nov 09

The sisterhood is powerful, important and here to stay.

Marion Roach Smith
30 Nov 09

Beautiful. Refreshing. Real.

What a relief to have this truth expressed over the typical female hate comments I hear all the time!

deep sigh of satisfaction

Izzy
1 Dec 09

I love this so much. Until recently, I was of that unfortunate school that women are catty and cunning beasts, competitive to the core, willing to sacrifice each other for personal gain. But I have been pleasantly surprised and genuinely humbled at how untrue this is (most of the time), how women really are there if we look for them to be. I have met so many wonderful, generous, intelligent woman in this medium and beyond lately. Thank you for this post, this exquisite reminder that there is as much camaraderie between women as there are catfights.