in praise of anger: feel it to free it

You were disrespected. Ignored, again. They outright lied; she betrayed you; he took what wasn’t his to take. Someone crossed your boundaries and drove right over your well-declared intentions.

You got screwed. And that’s a fact.

So-called 'spiritual' responses to anger:
"It’s all meant to be. Everything is in divine order."
"She was doing the best that she could."
"He had a rough childhood, so he’s not fully to blame."
"It’s God’s will."
"I create my reality."
"My ego got in the way."
"I’m no victim."

To forgive is divine. And that’s a fact. But there’s a missing step in this enlightened scenario: anger and reckoning.

Yes, you are implicit in creating your reality. Yes, you attract the crap and the glory that is your life. But you are not responsible for other people’s bad behavior. Period. And once you’re clear about that, you clear the way for the anger to move through and out of you.

Anger gets a bad rap.
Many spiritual teachings and psych methodologies skate over the reality of feelings to get to peace and forgiveness. Forgiveness is an evolutionary imperative, but peace cannot come without lucid recognition of circumstances. When it comes to injury, ignorance is not bliss. If you got hosed, wounded, wrong-done-by, declare it for what it is - whether it's painful, humiliating, or infuriating.

Making excuses for other people's poor conduct can be a very handy way to avoid confrontation and invalidate our own pain. We make them look good to dignify our hurt. And in doing so, we literally depress our own power. And depressing leads to...depression. Ask nine out of ten shrinks and they'll tell you that one sure way to alleviate depression is to get in touch with your rage.

If you want to live in the light you have to call things out of the darkness by their real name. Accountability is a mega-watt light that burns away sickness, heals, and helps new things to grow.

The up side of anger
Anger can be as positive a force as tenderness. Civility and progress depend on it. De-construction precludes acceptance. So break it down into steps. Feel it without judging it. {It's only anger.} Dance with with it. You can dance wild 'n fast, or you can do the slow tango. And inevitably, you will rage and groove your way through the pain. Step by step. Wounded. Accountable to your truth. And free. And that is the divine order of reconciliation.

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posted 19 Jan 09 in: White Hot, inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags:   ·   Comments

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  • sean stargazer
    I am amazed at the woo-woo new age people for giving anger a bad name. Anger has many constructive uses. Progress can be and is made because someone got angry.

    In 1955, Rosa Parks expressed her anger by refusing to give her seat to a "white" person on the bus in Montgomery, Alabama.

    Dr. Martin Luther King expressed his anger by organising peaceful protests including the Montgomery Alabama bus boycotts of 1955 that were sparked by Rosa Parks' refusal to give up her seat on the bus.

    Gandhi expressed his anger by organising peaceful protests in India as he helped the people of India drive out the Britttish in the late '40s.

    Anger needn't be destructive or maligned due to lack of understanding. To do so is to take a simplistic view of emotions, feelings, and people in general.

    Let us rise to the challenge of feeling what we feel without judgment. Not always easy, but very rewarding.
  • Gerardo
    It's amazing how when you send out a question to the universe in prayer an answer comes back immediately. At times it's as clear as finding the link to your enlightening web page, sometimes not.

    Being aware of spirituality issues "striking back" in anger was not an option, thus the feelings left behind were hard to come to terms with. I've been trying to accurately describe the feelings inside after being wronged by someone I trusted, and this letter was the vehicle to adequately understand and name these feelings. I now have a better idea and have a solid foundation to the answer I was searching for. Thank you.
  • thank YOU.
  • Caz
    Anger is a Gift, use it wisely
  • Anger, always a good topic. Emotions, dig em'! But I didn't always, not until I received the gift of desperation and was forced to ask for help in dealing with them. But first I had to find out what they were.

    I've found that anger is almost always based in fear. Fear of losing something I "think" I have or not getting something I "think" I want. And of course it's usually someone else’s fault. I do believe everything happens for a reason--although I hate that cliche. But the "reason" is that I learn from it and let it take me to where I'm supposed to be, and not just a victim of the experience or situation.

    As far as justified anger, I try to leave it to those more qualified to deal with it. My selfish mind can justify about anything.

    I heard someone say yesterday their goal in life was "to only give and receive love." That to me is true freedom. When I feel anger towards someone, I pray for them, out loud, every night for at least two weeks. I ask that they receive all the things in life I want. Yes, it can be hard at first and may not feel genuine, but over time it softens my heart and speaking it opens it to the sunlight of the spirit. It always works... except when it doesn't. But I keep trying.
  • kelsey
    This is great stuff. It is pretty annoying the ways we try and justify our feelings while still being polite and "nice", I think women do this especially well.

    The simplest way I've come to think about anger is that when I feel it and try and ignore or repress it, it's still there -- IN me, it will just come out in not the most constructive, productive, or useful way. I now take the time to acknowledge it, determine why I'm feeling that way...and to release it or move it through me, I scream in the shower, beat on a pillow, or sweat it out in a good Zumba class :)
  • According to A.H. Almaas - anger is the result of frustrating (blocking) the organic functioning of what he refers to as the red essence. The red essence includes the qualities of discrimination, aliveness, expansiveness and strength to name a few. The red essence or essential strength sets boundaries naturally without separating one from the ground of being and others.

    When this quality of the soul is blocked, the ego tries to compensate by employing anger which creates boundaries through separation. Anger can be clarified, leading back to essential strength which leads to an experience beyond the usual understanding of forgiveness and the like.

    The red essence is seen as one of the protectors of essence and can be likened in a way to Maha Kala in Tibetan Buddhism when it functions in this regard.

    A free chapter from The Unfolding Now is available for download at:
    http://ahalmaas.com//PDF/Lighting_Up_the_Now.pdf
  • I think Almaas is one of the greatest living spiritual voices there is. So, I'm so grateful you brought him right into the conversation. Discrimination is it - I think it's one of the finest gifts of anger/red essence.
    John, thanks so much for the link to The Unfolding Now content - really brilliant stuff. {FYI - there is a link to the actual book in my Read.Listen.Link. section}
  • Michelle
    brilliant piece.
    i'm drawn to the hybrid approach of, indeed 'tis divine b/c whatever happens is what happens and it moves us forward and we learn what we need to learn (or we don't) AND that being angry is essential to being well.
  • Eric V.
    Thank you! Someone had to say it.

    I agree that suppression of anger is bad. You should use controlled anger. This is where enlightenment comes from. You need to control you, not let someone else do it (by you suppressing the anger and making excuses).

    Anger is good as long as you use it constructively. Be angry you are wronged, but striking back viciously will do no good (it may make you feel better for a few minutes), but taking that anger and making a change to yourself or the world so that you or someones else will not be wronged in that way again is good.

    However, there are times when you must look at the circumstance and realize that how you were wronged needs to looked more objectively. The other person may not realize what they did, they may have had good intentions that did not work out correctly or they may not have done it in the first place. There are many things to think about.

    I embrace anger in that it will energize me, positively. But I control and direct it rationally.
  • yes - the 'strike back' is the wasteful kind of destruction. and that's the beauty of being with your anger, fully. if you can give it the space within yourself to be seen/felt/heard, it usually transform into something positively creative and retaliation is just silliness in light of that. thanks for being here...
  • What a great discussion to have. Emotions are the new arena in human evolution - they are our testing ground - in that, we are like kindergartners when it comes to knowing the power of emotions. There are some that as we experience them - like anger - that we can feel a sense of power and there are othere like depression that can literally drown us. I think we do not have an adeqaute langauge to describe the textures of emotions. Most people have a spectrun of emotions that is not enough to encompass the vastness of theirr beingness so they (we)- feel limitedness and also a flattened sense of self.

    With regard to anger: there is an assumption that one has been wronged, one feels powerless, helpless -- these feelings may be accurate or not -- we must allow clarity to guide us - feeling undermined is not enough reason for righteous anger or punitive measures. Anger can be very destructive-- I think iis important to know that we have choice within these realms -- being emotionally flexible is powerful.

    Forgiveness - I instinctively reject the idea of forgiveness - it seems to be filled with righteousness and superiority-- however, I also do understand that that may be a way for some to find healing... my preference would be to look for the gift in the situation for me -- by doing this ( I know you call this "spiritualize") I am no longer focused on the victimizer but instead I am using the "situation" to propel me further towards my growth... The reason I do not want to focus on the victimizer is because I do not know the whole truth - all I know is my truth and my hurts and by focusing on them I can move forward. For example, if the sitaution brings me to my anger - then I would enquire why do I feel so helpless or hopeless - I want a deeper truth and not something that is a flatland bandaid...

    All emotios are worthy companions and just like true friends we need to decide the parameters within which we want to dance with them....

    Thanks for reading - much love nkg
  • "all I know is my truth and my hurts and by focusing on them I can move forward." yes, that's it. that's the point...feeling your own truth.
  • MoJo
    Arrrrrggghhhh. I still grapple with this (especially when I try to quit smoking!) Really great advice - took me a long time to get to the point where I could dance with it, instead of running/supressing it. Even longer for me to express it, without being worried that I'd damage people/things in the process.
    Sage advice, as always ;-)
  • Emily-Sarah
    Some "righteous indignation" and all-out anger fully experienced can be liberating if we include the mind (and not be content to throw something and let out a scream, although if nobody gets hurt, a good banshee howl can be cathartic). :-) We need to employ our anger to propel us to a higher level (but not wallow in it long enough to be weighted down, stuck at a lower level). Sometimes when we get angry over being wronged, it can serve as motivation to do those better things we probably wouldn't have dared had the situation been comfy. Perhaps the key for anger that is empowering is to feel it, use it, and let it go.
  • beautifully put. < insert banshee howl! >
  • Absolutely! And the only caveat I would add is that if we not only feel the anger but let loose with our anger - (two totally differnt things) we have to as Susan Scott (Fierce Conversations) says, take responsibility for the wake we create.
  • the "wake." what a great word in this context. Wakes help people to grow up.
  • Amen!
  • Yes, yes, yes! Have I mentioned how glad I am that you are sharing these bits of wisdom? People need to know this, and the people that know it need to be reminded. Good work!
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