for rage-babes, flakes and tyrants: get over it

Awesome as always, Danielle. Love it. Doing better at living it. No major hang-ups personally but even little bumps along the road can, if we stay stuck in them (whirrring our thought-wheels repeatedly), form into a deep, muddy rut. I don't remember who said it but it's true that we need to spend only 10% of our time, thoughts, and energy talking about the problem and the other 90% working on a solution, a strategy, a plan. Hey, just by adding a few rocks or anything our thought-wheels can use for traction ... and we're vrooooming outta that hole!

Well said, Danielle. Well said, indeed. Too many people look for excuses, and reasons why they can't do something, or why they "have" to do something or act in a certain way. They become imprisoned by the circumstances, never realizing that they have the key. As the Eagles once said: "So many times it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key."

Not that I'm preaching, because heaven knows that I've been guilty of using my past to justify my present more than once. It has taken me a long time to reach this point, where I can move forward and leave the past behind.

As always, thanks for being awesome.

Interesting post ...
I woke up with two words lacing through my brain - resolve and conviction. So I resolved to get up earlier than normal and see where it would lead. Which meandered to why do I stay stuck, which lead to three more words - portal, gate, transformation.
Where I am right now - I resolve to walk through this portal of awareness with conviction and fully participate in the inevitable transformation.
Wish me luck.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!!

We are responsible for how we choose to deal with whatever life hands us. Simple as that. Only you explain it much more entertainingly! Looking forward to the new book!

Wow! Perfect! Thank you so much. Not only does Self Realization Rock - you do too!

"when you start using that awareness as an excuse to stay stuck, you become the worst kind of victim. " That was worthy of highlighting. Excellent. Love this.

A friend of mine was whining to our small meet-for-coffee gathering about her life being screwed up because her parents, yada, yada, yada. One of the guys looked at her and said: "After 35, everybody needs a new excuse." It stopped her cold. And you're both soooooo right -- at least this is what I hear from what he said/you wrote: shut up and do something about it. Don't just keep wallowing in the mud of your life -- and if you do decide to keep wallowing, don't splash your mud on me.

Thanks for another great post!

"Maybe enlightenment is a decision that has little to do with the past." FABULOUS! And so, so true. Also love the idea of the kick-ass life coach! As one who spends a lot of time listening to others' stories, I'm thankful to be reminded that forward-movement is not only possible, but the every-day-all-the-time goal! Thanks!

Great post! It reminds me of a movie quote I heard recently. "Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become." I think you totally said it when you said that realization is only half of the solution. Thanks for the enlightenment. By the way, on an unrelated note, I finally figured out my style statement yesterday: Classic Adventure. It's totally me!

So fantastic. Love your posts D and love the comments, they bring great stuff to the table. I've got some work to do in figuring out what it is that I keep holding on to and that continues to hold me back. Part of me feels like I need to identify it in order to let it go. I'm good at letting go when I know what I'm letting go of. Can you let go when you don't know what it is? I'm pondering that.

WOO HOO! You said it!
I've run the gamut of all this myself and know exactly what you mean. I believe that's why I've been led to the career I'm in. (Creativity coach...specializing in WHOLE LIFE creativity!)
It's incredibly liberating to finally REALIZE that you do have a CHOICE to move on and up! And even more AWESOME when you take action that moves you in that direction! I say this whole-heartedly from experience!
Thanks for the awesome post!

Play the hand your dealt.

For musical accompaniment to this thought, I submit "Get Over It" by the Eagles...

"after 35, everybody needs a new excuse" = the wake up call of 2009

great post, true-truths. I think adults get more stuck in what happened than we did as kids when it was actually happening.

Enjoyed this one---new here.
Personally, I to my best to forget my 'story'-just another thing to block a cleaer view of things. I'm pretty sure the future influences the decisions we make now. I find a fair amount of the 'new age stuff' a bit dangerous. Though I have dreamed more improbable things/events/people into my life than I can count.
Emerging from a rough patch just now. Stumbled across your site-liked it and came back.

Good for you and the work you do !

As always, you hit the nail on the head! Excellent post and perfectly timed!

Thank you for all the great work you do and for sharing it with the rest of us!

I need a life coach!

All excuses apparently are in desparately need an expiration date- like "use or lose before freshness is GONE by date of JUN 12 09".......new ones keep getting issued though " I m too tired, overworked, old , too fill in the blank....I must be vigilant! Thanks Danielle!

I am a first-time visitor to your blog, by way of Rebecca Walker's blog.

The part of your post which resonated the deepest with me is when you say,
"It is essential to whole living that you get to the source of your pain and screwed up choices. What happened in your childhood or another life informs patterns in your current reality. But sooner or later, you’ve simply got to get over using yesterday to explain today’s behavior." This bottles the answer for me.

As one who has been in intensive, weekly therapy since mid-November 2008, I really understand what it is that you are saying. Although I realize that my "work" in therapy isn't finished, I am feeling ready to move onto another level - perhaps a life coach, perhaps a different therapist who can take me to that next level. It's like a music teacher who teaches her student the basics, but realizes that she has gone as far as she can go, and sends her student onward and upward to another teacher. Perhaps my therapist wouldn't agree with the analogy, but, it works for me.

Thank you. :)

The very idea, the very notion that who we are is a function of what has happened in our past, is made up. It's a fiction. But like anything else, if we make a case for it, it becomes true.

LOVE this entire post, as well as the insightful comments! It can be important to understand why we behave as we do, but once we have that knowledge, there is a choice to be made: continue with our behavior or make a conscious decision to make a change. It's the difference between being a victim and being a survivor.

There is something to be said for that time when we closely examine our reasons for why we do what we do and even embrace the pain, but then it's time to let it go and be who we want to be, not who we used to be.