communication

a short rant about business cards

New in town? Welcome. You can subscribe to my RSS feed, or my not-so-daily email - which is the best way to go, really. xoxo Danielle

An old friend of mine was the Chief Technology Officer of one of the largest banks in the world. He helped Bill Gates design the techno part of his uber techno home. He wore navy pinstripes. He taught me a lot. The least meaningful but fun lesson: business cards are overrated. "If you want to find me, you will," he told people. "The older I get the more I lighten my load."

Adorable CTO, he was.

I've worked with a number of entrepreneurs who actually held off launching their websites or going to networking events because their business cards weren't back from the printer. That left me gravely concerned for their future. Business cards might have their place for on-the-road salespeople and a few retailers, but before you send your logo to Kinko's, check your reasoning. Business cards are not an imperative to a rocking business or being reachable.

WHY I'LL NEVER HAVE A BUSINESS CARD

1. I've never, in twenty professional years, actually finished a box of business cards. Change is the only constant in my career.
2. If you really want to get in touch with me, I’m very, very easy to find. (Most of us are.) Google me. Twitter me. Facebook me. LinkedIn me. Friend Feed me. Buzz me. Email me. (But whatever you do, don't call me. In that case, there's my super VA, Dawn.)
3. If, after hearing me rock the mic for an hour, sharing a drink at a party, or 5 minutes in an elevator, you can’t actually remember my name or my website – then I’m doing a really lame job of showing up, or you just didn't like me enough. If you don't remember my name, it's not meant to be. I'm okay with that. And for the record, I never forget a face, but I suck with names - except when someone has really caught my attention.
If I really want you to get in touch with me, I'll make sure that happens. I'll email you to say, "great to meet, let's save the world together."

4. I can’t remember the last time I looked at someone else's business card to get their info. 2001? Maybe.
5. I save about $100 bucks that I’d much rather spend on shoes or music.
6. Ink, paper, toxins and trees – the world is a little better offer without another box of cards going into the landfill.

NOT HAVING A BUSINESS CARD WILL NUDGE YOU TO:
Shine. Handing out cards can make us feel like we're actually doing something productive. Sometimes we are. But sometimes, we're just filling space and copping out of saying a clear "goodbye" or "I'd like to know more."
Get your own on-line presence if you don't have one. You don't need a "blog," but in this day and age, every working professional should have a one page site/profile of their own, or one parked on LinkedIn, Twitter, etc.

Depending on your business, when someone asks you for your business card, it may be better to smile your twinkliest smile and repeat your Twitter name, your super easy (or clever) Gmail address, and very kindly say, I'm so easy to find. And memorable I might add.

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POST THE POST

Coming attraction: I'm deep in my lab creating The Fire Starter Sessions vook: a multi-media program for blazing your entrepreneurial trail. Watch this space for pre-order information and sparks of inspiration. I'm so excited!

I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

 

doozers and losers: my favourite business mistakes

Devilish angel investors, pissed off magazine editors, princess-style spending, red flags firmly ignored. I’ve made some fabulous mistakes in the name of fame, fortune and reputation management. It is my most earnest wish to save you from a few of them.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

1. No partnership agreement. No one gets married to get divorced. Business unions are no exception. You’re high on possibility, you’ve signed the lease, you love that your strengths and weaknesses “compliment each other.” You’re in it to win it. What could go wrong? Everything.

Holler for a pre-nup, sugar. The mere exercise of developing a partnership agreement will illuminate the unspoken fears and foibles that usually stay hidden until the shit hits the fan. In my last partnership we assumed that we’d always be on the same page, in agreement. And it wasn’t so much that entrepreneurial bliss had us too starry eyed to create a bonafide and binding partnership agreement, as it was the fear of the confronting some very sensitive leadership and lifestyle issues - and risking that if push came to shove, someone might get shoved out. Very big mistake.

2. Ignored my own 8 Second Rule* (*my personal theory that you get ample intuitive information about someone in the first 8 seconds of meeting them. Ample.) Consultant Boy stood me up on our first meeting. He called two days later to re-schedule. “Did he apologize or explain?” I asked my assistant. “Nope.”

I hired him (and as an employee no less.) I thought he was the only game in town and that I could teach him some respect. a) Nobody is ever the only game in town. b) Save your respect lessons for kids. As for grown ups, it’s a basic perquisite.

3. Got a workspace too soon. This is one of the mistakes that I love saving my Fire Starter clients from. It usually goes like this: “But we need a stylin’ place to see clients, so you know, they take us seriously.” Nine times out of ten, you don’t, not at first. I know guys grossing a million/year with teams of 5+ who don’t have an office. This is what Starbucks and swanky hotel bars are for. The overhead of space can drain you fast. When times are lean, rent will be what you resent paying for the most, and it will be the last thing you are able cut.

4. Tried to force simpatico with designers. If a graphic or web designer doesn’t get within easy reach of your expectations in the first round of concepts, chances are slim that it’s going to come to a delightful conclusion. Aesthetic understanding can’t be forced. It’s like trying to teach someone how to be a good kisser – feelings get hurt and it never feels quite as satisfying as you wish it did. Fire designers early. Move on quickly. This is where kill fees come in very handy…

5. Not discussing kill fees or exit strategies at the get-go. You’re a third way into a project that started with a strong vision and deliverables. But things get weird. And weirder. You’re starting to feel like a sucker because you’ve paid 50% upfront, but it’s time to pull the plug. Zoinks. Getting money back from a service provider is like asking for teeth back from the tooth fairy – long gone. Now I have conversations in the first agreement meeting that are as simple as this: “I know you’re going to rock this, but what if aliens invade your mind and you miss the mark? How much to cut bait and at which point?”

6. I put it in writing. I’ve gotten into more sticky situations because of what I put in writing than what I didn’t. Sometimes it’s in your favor to keep it loose, contracts can bite. This hard-earned theory is not about reneging or changing the rules as you go. It’s about not making promises to overly litigious, neurotic people who’ll ignore the spirit of collaboration and the natural course of life in favour of the fine print.

It’s a tough call to know when to keep it loose and when to lock it down in writing. At this point in my entrepreneurial/Priestess career, if someone must (as in panicky and antsy,) have something in writing, it’s a red flag for me. I prefer the integrity of one’s word, especially my own. I like contracts for complex projects, though and I never sign anything that I don’t fully understand.

7. Offered people too much, too soon. I’m an optimist. I believe in love, and human potential and the search for intelligent life. And after a few too many early-hires, too-soon raises, and resented percentages, I’ve become a big fan of optimistic-but-incremental commitment.

This gives you leeway for mutual accountability, prerogatives, and the space to see how much you’re capable of when you believe in your own talent - and the mistakes that helped you hone it.

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POST THE POST

I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

 

brainstorming 101

click here to watch the segment

 

juicy mind, happy product: a meditation for self promotion

Click here to read Part 1, The secret to self promotion: radiance and the facts, jack - whereby I expressed little sympathy buts lot's of love for people who shy away from self-promotion.

A MEDITATION FOR SELF PROMOTION

Meditation can take many forms. You can write this out in a journal, talk it out with a friend, or do the traditional sitting meditation. You're the master. Either way you choose to tap in, settle your mind and focus: take three deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. Slowly. Fully. (This is going to be fun, BTW. Avoid dry mind. Choose juicy mind.)

PHASE 1

1. Imagine that you're in an empty room. It's your ideal room, so maybe it's plush and luxy, or austere and Zen. You love it and you're comfortable.
2. Waiting outside the door to that room is your business, product, service, artwork - whatever you call what you offer for your livelihood. How do you feel knowing that it's outside the door? What is the flavour of your anticipation? Anxious? Smiling? Dread? Blessed and blissy?
3. Now, invite your business/product/service/artwork to join you. Do it ceremoniously or simply. Notice how you extend the invitation. (Sheepish, commanding, open, playful, hesitantly.) How does your business/product/service/artwork take form? As a ray of light, blueprint plans, a mighty robot, a peacock, a quivering beggar, a pile of gold, crates of bestselling books? How does your business/product/service/artwork feel to you? Just noticing how you extend the invitation and the form that your business/product/service/artwork took will be useful cosmic data. If you want to stop there, do so. Put the mediation on pause and come back to do phase two another day.

   Or, go further...

   PHASE 2
   
4. Ask your business/product/service/artwork if it has a message or a gift to give you. Receive it. Notice how you receive it.
5. Ask your business/product/service/artwork how it would like to be shared with the world. You may hear or see specific strategies (like, "e-books in the Fall,") or you may just feel the how, like, feelings of integrity, innovation, steadiness.
6. Now, (and this is important) let your business/product/service/artwork enter into you. You can breathe it in, you can imagine opening your heart and it climbing in, you can envision jacking into it and downloading it into your cells like an electrical current. The point here: you and your business/product/service/artwork are entwined and grooving together - unison.
7. Now, just...glow. Radiate. Vibrate. Hum your sonic powah, baby. Envision your creative light making it's way into the world effortlessly and being received with great appreciation.

Allow the ease. Honour the excitement and intensity. Say thank you.

 

the secret to self promotion: radiance and the facts, jack

Dear Danielle,

"Can I ask a question? I love working for myself and don't want it any other way, but it seems that when you work for yourself you have to be a salesperson. I'm not a huge fan of sales people and hate feeling like I'm pushing something on someone. If you have any opinions on that I'd love to hear them!"
- Dani Griffin (via Facebook)

Dear Dani and the leagues of people who hate self promotion:

I never really understood people who are loathe to sell themselves or the stuff they make. But then again, my whole twenties (okay, and thirties) was solar-powered by the rays of my seduction. From boys to gigs to new age notions, I had a deal for you! "I got what you want and you don't even know you want it. And I make house calls."

Now? Meh. I've got what I've got, which is a lot. If that warms your cockles, let's talk. If not, my engine is running, and I trust that your tribe is waiting for you elsewhere. Meep meep.

Do I sell my self? Damn straight I do. Everyday, all day. I'm doing it right now. I'll do it on Twitter, CBC TV, Facebook, this week's speaking gig for the Travel & Media Association of Canada, and when the waiter asks me what I do for a living. But I'm no longer TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU TO BELIEVE AND BUY. Rather, (and this has been one of my most gnarly, redeeming spiritual journeys) I radiate and state the facts. That's it. And it's a helluva lot more efficient than sales.

So, why do you hate self-promotion?

1. Because...it makes you feel like you're pushing something on someone?
Passion is a force - and an essential one at that. If you're not passionate about your service or your product, you shouldn't be selling it in the first place. If you're not passionate you have to fake it, and that'll just make you feel like a sleazeball.

But let's assume you are fully and truly turned on, and you're offering the world something that you wholeheartedly believe in. Repeat: you're anchored with integrity to purpose and meaning. That being the case, and the premise for everything I'm about to say after this, let's proceed:

Don't burn energy trying to assume how people will perceive you. What some people will read as enthusiastic stamina, others will interpret as pushy intruder. It's your job to show up as you, passion and all, and let the right customers make up their mind about you.

2. Because...you're shy?
You have three choices here: a) Get over it. Nothing like motivation to put food on the table or achieve your life dreams to cure shyness. It happens all the time. b) Let someone else do the selling for you - a writer, a rep, an agent, a virtual assistant-type. c) Pray that your good intentions and the high quality or originality of your offering will attract customers and prosperity. This tact, on it's own, never ever works.

3. Because it's not a "strength" of yours?
see #2.

4. Because you're afraid that people will think less of you? That you'll be less of an artist, social steward or true professional if you're hawking your wares or blowing your own horn.

Then I have bad news for you: everything you do is promotion, so you may as well do it with aplomb. The good news? Everything you do is promotion You are always radiating. From the personalized note that you tuck into your product shipment, to what you say at a party when someone asks you what you do, to how you pitch the art gallery or the corporation to get the big account -- to the message you leave on a Facebook page.

HAPPY SELF PROMOTION =
RADIATE your passion + STATE THE FACTS of what that passion generates - the results it brings for you and your customers.

I'll go first: I'm really passionate about the practical applications of love and consciousness in life and entrepreneurship. I write and speak about it in every way possible. I ran a think tank without any formal education, I wrote a book that got the attention of Oprah producers, and now, in my current incarnation, I'm booked four to six weeks in advance with clients - many of them say they got enough love 'n strategy in one hour to blow their circuits. I'm writing my next two books now, and will launch them online this year.

That's the passion, backed by the facts. Sometimes, at the start of your journey, all you may have in your inventory to "sell" is passion. And sometimes, that's enough to open doors.

If you're loving what you do and believing that it's going to make a positive difference in people's lives - whether it's your wedding photography, your coaching methodology, or your zero point energy invention, then, you my friend, are ahead of the game. You're light years down the path from the sorry sods who are grinning and bearing it in soul-sucking j-o-b-s.

So please, don't devalue your currency. I'm so emphatic about this, I'm willing to get all Hallmark on you: a gift isn't a gift until you give it away. Put a bow on it.

With much Love,
Danielle
xo

P.S.

Tune in Tuesday for Part 2: A Meditation for Self Promotion

 

idiots, cultivating openness

Think about the most extremely oppositional viewpoint to yours on, say...heterosexuality, polyandry, the right to bear arms, corporate tax shelters, global warming, co-sleeping with your kids, breeding dogs, stem cell research, abortion rights. While you're at it, you may as well consider Third World debt relief and wearing white past Labor Day.

Imagine the Idiot who disagrees with you. Picture the pathetic fool who is actually daft, dense, narrow-minded enough to believe that human beings originated from [insert your theory here.] Or that Britney Spears' take on Presidential authority is actually [insert your opinion here.] How could such a mis-guided [insert political party or age bracket] be right about anything? I mean, really. If you think that extraterrestrial life is actually [insert opinion here], then how can I take you seriously about anything else?

Even a stopped clock is right once a day.
- Winston Churchill

Openness is our greatest human resource.
- Rebecca Walker

One of the most enlightening experiences I’ve had came through an accused corrupt guru. Some of the best love advice I've ever received came from a Baptist Republican. (No one's perfect, and never underestimate the value of having a sweetheart to curl up with after a long day at the office.) A drunk bum on the corner of Vaness & Market told me all I needed to know about parenting (Never, ever lie to them. It teaches them to lie.) Working with Navy Admirals and retired S.E.A.L.S. at the Pentagon taught me a LOT about peace (it has to live inside of you.)

And what did I think before each encounter? Pffft. No way, no how, not you.

The truth is everywhere. Sometimes hiding in plain sight, or beneath presumptions and labels - whether you agree or not.

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For more on this and my "even bozos can be right theory," you can read or listen to this interview with The Get Inspired Project.

 

the divinity of the suck factor

"There will always be suffering. The trick is to not suffer over the suffering."
- Alan Watts, Zen master

One of my best friends and I have a sick tradition. We get excited about each others' hardship. One of us will be sniffling through an out-pour of angst about how wrenching a particular life lesson is, and isn't it crazy how when it rains it pours with shitty news, and turmoil, and big life do-overs. You know, those excruciating disappointments and Tough Spots - the kind that require a friend to help you navigate.

Sniffle. Silence.

And then the listener on the other end of the line replies, “Holy suck factor. But, you know ... I’m kinda excited for you.” And then the other one of us blows her nose and says, “Yeah, I know, it's great.” And we're not joking. But we laugh at that absurdity and our sheer effing moxy, and then the other person goes back to whingeing and processing while the listener resumes her role as the receptacle of angst out-pour.

And we believe it. We believe in the divinity of the suck factor. It's an implicit, and lived, and affirmed understanding: that the universe trades up. That as Camus and kd lang said, "In the depth of winter I found in me there was an invincible summer." Or as Nietzsche and Bruce Willis put it, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Or at least more expanded. And that's very exciting. And excitement about getting to the other side is just what you need to get there.

 

monday morning sex talk

I’ve been observing a quickening of sorts. The people around me are waking up. Breakthroughs are happening, Commitments are deepening. Maybe it’s because I’ve meant some stellar individuals on my Fire Starter tour this summer, but something sparkly and hot is in the air. And it’s pretty sexy. But I happen to find consciousness super sexy. And the more I feel my own essence rising, the sexier life seems.

But I've noticed that even shiny, sexy, wide-awake people don’t talk that much about sex. The general conversation starts and stops with whether you’re getting it or not. “It’s good.” “We need to make more time for it.” “Haven’t gotten around to it.”

If sex conversation is relegated to the cultural fringe, it’s likely reflecting where it lies on our personal list of priorities. And you don’t have to have a partner to have a sex life, BTW. Just ask Mama Gena who makes it, uh, pointedly clear that the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings of it’s very own.

You can be sure that your sex life is a microcosm of the macrosm of your entire life. Deep but quiet. Repressed. Rigorous. Loving but slightly aggressive. Playful and sweet. Dutiful. Whatever is going down in the sack is going ‘round in your life as a greater theme. So maybe we should talk about it more. At least to ourselves.

SEXY SHAKE UP
For the sake of shaking up mindsets, what if you gave your sexual well being the same weighty importance that we tend to give the other day-to-day stuff?:

What if we treated our sex lives with the same importance as our diet? Imagine counting orgasms like you counted calories. What if there was the same urgency to get funky with your lover or yourself as there was to get to yoga or spinning class?

What if we put as much effort into cultivating our sexuality as we did our intellect? Imagine a D-I-Y erotica degree based on the awareness of energy and breath and physiology and bliss. Where would you begin to look for knowledge? What would it take to earn and A++?

What if we talked about our sex lives like we talked about, say, our health, or our satisfaction with work? I’m not suggesting that you should chat up your hot night with Larry and Lucy at the water cooler. Because, yeah, sex is sacred, absolutely, positively, precious and typically private. BUT...what if, with the friend you trusted most, you let the conversation go deeper into the sensual part of your life. And you explored questions like, How do you feel in bed? What does womanly or manly really mean to you? Top, bottom, bunny, adventurer, priestess, kink-meister or athlete, what’s next in terms of being more fully you?

Don't tell just anyone. But dare to tell yourself. The answer may have you grinning for days.

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I've got a few spaces left for my Oakland CA Group Fire Starter, August 22. Find out more.

 

wonder what their dream is

Our dreams and desires define us. Be they broken, scarcely remembered, on the verge of reality, or in full bloom. They pilot our choices. Dreams have the power to shape the entire landscape of our lives. Because they tend to be so precious and potent, many people keep their dreams and aspirations to themselves.

A dream is a very sacred thing to share.

If you knew someone's dream, you might look at that person very differently...with more tenderness, more respect, more familiarity, and more wonder than before. Dream-sharing melts boundaries and it calls forth resources and commonalities.

Look at everyone you meet this week and actively think to yourself, “I wonder what their dream is?” Ask at least one person this week what their dream is. You can do it subtly, and traditionally, like, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” or “What did you want to be when you were growing up?” Or you can just go for it, playfully and momentously and ask, “So, like, what’s your big dream?” So many people never get asked that. And fewer are really listened to. And for those who are stumped by the question, I guarantee they'll be thinking about it for days to come. Just the asking of that question sets essential things in motion.

The guy in the cubicle next to you may be working on novel about unicorns and espionage. Your sister might be fantasizing about her own cabaret break out performance. Your postal carrier may be patenting the next great invention. Make no assumptions about your partner, your workmate, or the bus driver.

Small, mighty, seemingly impossible, or simply pure ... when you know what someone’s dream is, your perspective leans toward openness. And every dream needs space to run.

Oh, my dream-stream... White Hot Truth The Fire Starter Sessions is a stunning success in every way possible, and I'm wearing suede boots and big gold hoops on stage and laughing "you-know-what-I'm sayin'-don'tchya?" laughs with thousands of people.

And I dream of Morocco and France and a koi pond in the back yard of my mod pre-fab house. Collecting art. Magazine coverage. I dream about communion with my man that blows both our minds. I dream of sitting 'round a fire with leaders and lovers of progress. Being able to give yeses and make phone calls that open doors and new dimensions for people.

I dream of children being taught mindfulness in school, and a movement of conscious birth choices and parenting, and technologies that heal. And I dream of invitations that humble me, and more magical connections with people who I recognize on a cellular level, and we band together to leverage change, and to support and care for each other in the way that reminds you how great it is to share space and time. And I dream of feeling more electric and sweet every single day.

But mostly, I dream of being amazed.

How 'bout you?

. . . . . . .

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no excuse for bad manners

A friend of mine who was a therapist in a half way house described an incident where this big burly nut-bar barged into a group therapy session hollering and waving his arms around. He was like a beefy Hell's Angels guy, and he was having one of his meanie episodes that would have scared the bejeezus out of even most tough cookies.

"Use your manners, would ya?" said the the group leader. "Turn around and come back in quietly."

And in mid-rage, huffing and puffing, buddy just stopped. Calmly. "Oh. Okay then." And he left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Quietly.

Standards work wonders.

When we routinely justify people's poor behavior, we block the chances for change to occur. Excuses repress clarity. I worked with someone for too long who was bi-polar manic depressive and we always chalked up their behavior to their illness. We let them off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit well, you know how she gets. Or your typically grouchy neighbor is a grouch. Or your always-under-a-lot-of-stress boss loses her cool because she's so understandably stressed... Call it at face value, all afflictions, dispositions and psych 101 labels aside.

Common sense is a mighty powerful thing.