the divinity of the suck factor

 
 

"There will always be suffering. The trick is to not suffer over the suffering."
- Alan Watts, Zen master

One of my best friends and I have a sick tradition. We get excited about each others' hardship. One of us will be sniffling through an out-pour of angst about how wrenching a particular life lesson is, and isn't it crazy how when it rains it pours with shitty news, and turmoil, and big life do-overs. You know, those excruciating disappointments and Tough Spots - the kind that require a friend to help you navigate.

Sniffle. Silence.

And then the listener on the other end of the line replies, “Holy suck factor. But, you know ... I’m kinda excited for you.” And then the other one of us blows her nose and says, “Yeah, I know, it's great.” And we're not joking. But we laugh at that absurdity and our sheer effing moxy, and then the other person goes back to whingeing and processing while the listener resumes her role as the receptacle of angst out-pour.

And we believe it. We believe in the divinity of the suck factor. It's an implicit, and lived, and affirmed understanding: that the universe trades up. That as Camus and kd lang said, "In the depth of winter I found in me there was an invincible summer." Or as Nietzsche and Bruce Willis put it, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Or at least more expanded. And that's very exciting. And excitement about getting to the other side is just what you need to get there.

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join the convoposted 9 Aug 09 in: inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags: , ,   ·   View Comments

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  • Oh, how I love finding wisdom in new places. Just bookmarked this page for daily reading. Love it!
  • summer
    needed to read this today. i'm new here, grateful to have stopped by. i'm calling my sister & requesting that we do this for each other. merci!
  • Steve
    Wow, great post! I love the idea of a ritual or tradition like this! I'm gonna share this with some friends and hope they see the value. Live life, not the other way around ~ Steve
  • Acknowledge the bad AND acknowledge the good. Kinda takes away the power of the bad, doesn't it? Why don't I ever remember this when the bad is actually happening? :)
  • The good absolutely diffuses (and outweighs!) the bad, and yet I'm often like you (Sarah) in failing to acknowledge the glorious while the crappy's happening. The bad looms so large! So ... I put my magnifying glass to it and, wow, the bad gets bigger. But it really is (usually) an illusion of my own making. Yeah, let's refocus and put all the beautiful stuff in our lives to use to disempower the yuck! And as others have said, the "bad" can often bring excellent lessons and growth and present us with opportunities that we wouldn't have grabbed hold of if we were 100% content.

    Thanks, Danielle, for reminding us to give a nod to the suckiness and see how the bad morphs into something gorgeous.
  • It's so tough to see it in the moment (almost impossible?)--and that's why a good friend is invaluable.
  • Definitely a good point here, Danielle. The suffering is horrid when you're in it, but those who've lived to see the bounty on the other side will feel better to remember this the next time the sucky things in life occur. There's a lot to be said for just having the space to complain and get the hurt out so you can move through the hardship.
  • Annie
    You psychic woman???? I've just found out that I've lost some work for September. My boss saw me last Thursday and never mentioned it. I had no reason to suspect that this was happening. Nothing has gone wrong to cause this. Yet I've just found out that this is the case from a third party, who in turn has had it confirmed by said boss. It sucks and blows and when I've had time to calm down and stop feeling all righteous about it, I'm going to see it as another opportunity for something bigger and better to come my way. One door closes, another one opens. It's all good.
  • yup. I AM psychic. I know that you're on your computer right this very second.
  • I'm not sure I would use the word 'excited' to describe my feelings in those moments of pure hell, however, I do recognize the richness of possibility and renewal that's inherent in them. My darkest days have also been times when the greatest growth has occurred.

    *Blessings*
    Carolynn
  • I have a friend just like this and we do the same thing! One of us calls all pouty and grumpy and the other one is like, "This is so great! Every time you call like this it means something just fantastic is around the corner. I can't wait to see what happens next."

    That's great! lol
  • I'm a great believer in giving folk the chance to vent. Suck fests usually reach natural endings, but some folk need time limits!
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