inspired

 
 

Albert stopped me on the sidewalk this week. "I don't want you to hear this in bits and pieces from the neighbours, but we just found out that Laurie has lung cancer."

In the seven or so years we've lived across the street from Albert and Laurie, we've chatted a dozen or so times - usually about the weather, or the cherry blossoms. We wave and we smile with sincere cheer. When my son was born, Laurie brought over apple cobbler. And that's about the extent of our relationship. I can't even recall their last name, but I remember what their kid was for Halloween, and I know that Albert sails, and now I know that Laurie is having a hard time breathing.

Jump cut to Albert in front of my house, leaning against his garden rake. My eyes filled with quiet tears. "Albert," I warned. "I'm going to hug you." And we hugged, and talked briefly about treatment possibilities. And I offered to water their plants or bring over dinner. And that was that.

I did the math: when I'm Laurie's age, about fifty, my son will be a teenager like hers is now. And I thought about how inconceivably ripped off I'd feel to be called out of this life in my mere fifties. I wondered if Laurie is regretting anything. I wondered if she's happy with how she's lived her life - if she's felt...free.

And I noticed that I was asking those same questions of myself, actually. And just when I was about to go back on existential autopilot with, "people get sick, people die, that's life," I decided to allow myself to be affected. I decided that not only is life short, but MY life is short. And that being the case, I need to fill my cup with a little more delight and inspiration.

So this week, I'm taking my kid out of daycare early and we're going to the art gallery. I'm going to burn some CD's for friends, just because, and I'm going to actually CALL some friends. {Radical...picking up the phone instead of pressing "send".} I'm going to give myself the space to think about truth and pop culture. I'm going to meander and weave and warble out some thoughts that have been sitting on the branches of my mind for awhile.

This means that I'm going to take a week off of blogging. My palms are kind of sweaty. It's almost blasphemous for a serious blogger to not have daily content. Will my traffic slip? Will they still love me? Oi. And what timing! I'm featured in the May issue of Better Homes & Gardens {albeit in my last business incarnation,} and I'm booking up my LA and Portland Fire Starter gigs. I should be diligently at the helm. Should be...should be...

My life is short, no matter how long it ends up being. It is bigger than web stats, my heart is larger than "should." Inspiration lives beyond expectation. I'm going to inhale it more deeply, while I can.

If you need some sweetness to tide you over for the next few days, here's some heart candy for you to check out while I'm at the art gallery and wandering aimlessly:

you’re a mess of contradictions. how very beautiful.

your friend, anxiety
talkin’ sweet about love: what the shrinks need to hear

comparison is a killer. cut it out.

20 bites on what {really} inspires me

hot advice for anyone with a website, blog, business, career or j-o-b. yep, I’m talkin’ to you

what is your relationship to...life?

confessions of an ambitious girl

complete collection of truisms

←   read all current inspiration articles

join the convoposted 19 Apr 09 in: inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags:   ·   View Comments

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  • Danielle- SO glad you are giving yourself permission for a resbite! We all need these. I love how you warned Albert abour the hug - it was not an option- the hugging was coming!!!! We need to do more spontaneous hugging of everyone (although perhaps I should issue more hug warnings myself!.....I find 98% percent of people appear to feel beter (I know I do!) Thank you for your beautiful writing!!! Sarah
  • Danielle,
    That's so awesome that you "let yourself be affected". It's good to take a break every once in awhile from "pretend life" (blogs, seminars, micro-fame) to enjoy "real life" (our children, walks, museums). I learned the lesson that Albert & Laurie are learning now very early in life--my father died after suffering a fall during a relay race at my third birthday party. He was 36. http://www.skimbacolifestyle.com/2009/03/3-life...
    Two weeks ago, my OB/GYN's husband, an orthopedic surgeon & triathlete, died at age 48 while on a ski lift in Colorado. He was there to watch two of his five children compete in a snow boarding competition. An autopsy revealed severe heart disease--completely undetected & undiagnosed.
    Enjoy your time off and savor it--and then vow to take that time more often.
  • what a beautiful article. I love how you wrote that you allowed yourself to be affected. Too often, we try to brush things off and try to force ourselves into robots saying that "that's life" and going back with our daily activities. Doing so, we overlook the beautiful things we take for granted- like going to museums, calling friends and family, and appreciating everything around us. Thanks for the inspiration! Sometimes we all need a little reminder :)
  • Angela
    This post made me really think about one of my "to do" things. Working on the "how" - and concentrating on the "can do."

    Get out and boogie.
  • I was reminded of something from a book.

    From: Jesus, Life Coach By Laurie Beth Jones

    My friend Joe Mathews shared a poignant story with me recently. His best friend's wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a short time to live. Joe said he watched in awe as Dan and his wife, Christine, began to live each day with tremendous clarity and love. When it was nearly the end Joe finally got up the courage to ask Christine the question: "What does it feel like to live each day knowing you are dying?" She raised herself up on one arm, and then asked him, "Joe, what does it feel like to live each day pretending that you are not?"

    Thanks for sharing Danielle. Years from now, are you going to remember the day you spent blogging or the day you spent at the art gallery with your son?

    How to remember today, years from now
  • Lots and lots of love Danielle. Take care and enjoy. See you on your return. xxx
  • Leah
    Your post is so timely! My mom just passed away quite unexpectedly after being diagnosed with advanced liver cancer. We had our contentious moments throughout our relationship, and now that she's gone, I have so many regrets about letting the day to day business of life get in the way of spending time with her. We did have the chance to forgive and love each other while she was ill for the last week of her life, thankfully. I have a renewed passion for seizing the moment to love those important people in my life though. The garden, the recycling, the car repairs, the laundry and errands can all wait. Get thee to the phone, say I love you, go to the park, the art museum, the zoo! Love!
  • Traci
    Love, peace, and blessings to you and yours and to Albert, Laurie, and theirs. We'll be here.
  • Your blog struck home for me - I remembered when mhy mother was diagnosed with lung cancer (she is very much alive-though life changed). Life is different for her now. I noticed people ;friends' stepped away from her when she was diagnosed - like she was a lepper - this hurt her and changed her perspective - depression snuck in or did it just finally step out to be seen? Love is what really makes the difference, sick or not, to live in the present. I'll be waiting for your communications - not to worry, hmm- do you think you could upload a photo a day as a communication? When will you be in LA? would love to join the session.
  • this is a great point: "depression snuck in or did it just finally step out to be seen?" trauma and intentional space-making brings on that phenomenon. THINGS SURFACE IN STILLNESS AND TIDAL WAVES.
  • jo martin
    Good for you! That is *exactly* what you "should" be doing!

    As a hospice worker I've learned: life is short; the comment about how on their deathbed no one ever regrets not having spent more time at work is absolutely true; and life is short. Do it now!

    And, in dealing with friends/relatives who are dying or even just in serious treatment, honesty is the best policy -- it is perfectly fine, acceptable and loving to say: I don't know what to say to you. The other will guide the conversation ikn ways that are comfortable for them. Just being there with them is good, gently rubbing lotion onto their hands is, for many, quite comforting (ask first of course).

    Enjoy your week and I cannot *wait* to read a report about all the marvelousness that happened!
  • It seems there are a lot of us experiencing this right now. I've recently become VERY AWARE of being present in the everyday. Not just talking about being present but actually being present! Imagine that?

    I won't be stepping away from blogging {shudders} but I won't be multi-tasking. I will be living mindfully, and doing one thing at a time.

    Enjoy your week. I will miss you, but I will read the eye candy that you left for us.
  • Dear Danielle, you ARE diligently at the helm -- of life!, of living! That's the key, right?! -- constantly renewing our minds and proactive self-reminders to be fully present in each day. We do our best to categorize the aspects of our lives, but life is life (and time is time), regardless of the extent that we carve out nifty boxes to parse out the hours and "conquer" chores or goals or whatever our boxes state. Time passes, life goes, no matter our organizational method. (Yes, I know, we gotta work, but when possible we can expand our definition of what constitutes "work." And remember that inspiration and innovation {that then go into our work} exist outside of "work" divisions or settings}.)

    Like you and some of the others, I've also been re-reminded of the fragility of life on this earth. Since last week I'm visiting a friend who is on life support . We're praying for a miracle, but we don't know what lies ahead. And again, as you mentioned, questions pop up. And then we transfer the questions to ourselves ...

    And as a result, like a piano we are retuned to middle C -- what's true and clear and harmonious. And like a piano, we need regular tuning or we'll slowly but surely get a bit off-key! (I've been playing all my life so I couldn't resist the analogy.)

    So, Danielle: Inhale and enjoy this week and attempt to find ways to retain some of its sweetest notes going forward into the next week and beyond. Little boys are little for such a short time. We are here such a short time. Connections (in every aspect of our lives) certainly seem to end up the most glorious and rewarding "priorities" of all. And from loving and living deeply, our wells hold that much more that we can share with others.

    And absolutely, we will love you, and we'll excitedly wait to hear details upon you return. So go! Live a heart-felt, memory-making week.
  • I read this in bed on the berry - I like to read your blogs in bed in the morning to start my day - and I want to thank you for this particular entry. I just finished my master's and have been moving full steam ahead into my future...I didn't even take a break this weekend to think about everything I've done. This is a reminder that I need to TAKE time, I deserve time to enjoy my life.
    My thoughts go out to your neighbours and enjoy your week off! You deserve it!
  • the fact that you're taking a week off makes you all the more real to me. It's a gift to be able to take a step back from the day-to-day, and I respect you even more for doing it.
  • The whole world loves you, Danielle, and the whole world will be waiting for you when you return. This is a beautiful thing you are doing for yourself, and for your family. You're taking care of yourself, and in doing so, you're taking care of all of us...everyone of us. Who can be upset with that?
  • Yes, we will still love you ;-) and waiting for you inspirings thoughts when you return to blogging! Thanks for your words,- they get my own thoughts flying!
  • Seeing the truth and honoring it. In the face of death, saying yes to life. How precious we are, how rare. Thanks for the heart connection. Hope you have a week of wonders!
  • Laura Blough
    Good for you. I also have been faced with the same questions this week. We are currently preparing for my Grandmother's funeral. She was 79, a far cry from 50 but still it brings to light how short life is and I just wanted to let you know you will have at least one reader left when you get back from taking care of what needs to be taken care of.
  • danielle- meander, weave and warble away! I firmly believe that all the powers that be -in the world and in our souls- are so damn proud of you right now, and this one reader is grateful for the reminder of our humanity. You are nothing if not consistent- living your white hot truth...I just learned of a community member who is the hospital for heart trouble. I am going to take the time to visit her and see if I can help out with getting her kids dinner. Thanks
  • "consistent" is one of my favourite words, a great compliment.
    ox
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