giving compliments, world peace, and the warm fuzzies

 
 

I want to start a Compliment Revolution. There are a few revolutions I'd like to ignite, actually, but this one is super easy. If you're with me {go ahead, shout it now, "I'm with you!",} I think we could change the world this very week. So I'm declaring this the week of Global of Compliments. Someone call Hallmark and the Nobel Peace Prize committee.

HOW TO GIVE A COMPLIMENT

1. Sincerity is paramount. Fake compliments are very bad juju. The good news is that you shouldn't have to look too hard to find reasons to compliment the people around you.

2. Compliments on how great someone looks are an easy way to spread the love...

I was standing in line at The Gap and there was a 30-something woman ahead of me - cute as a button, she was. Pixie hair cut + red nails. She was wearing a hounds tooth knit poncho, skinny jeans, paten leather ankle boots and an over-sized men's watch. She had it goin' on. I waited until she was snapping her wallet shut and leaned forward and said, "You look great," and gave her that chick-to-chick "well done" nod. "Oh really? she said. "I don't feel great." And then her eyes filled with tears. "Gee, that was so nice to hear, thanks." And I just nodded, a bit taken aback myself, my own eyes a bit misty. I hoped she walked a bit taller all the way home.

3. Compliments are a tiny but potent form of intimacy. If you're complimenting a total stranger, make it brief and quick so your pure intentions don't get misconstrued as a come on. Sometimes, it's best to compliment someone as a "drive by" or last minute gesture. And use your best intuition for the vibe. I once walked up to a woman in a food court and said, "You look fucking fabulous." She just about choked on her salad roll, but she did smile from ear to ear and I saw her grinning and nodding to herself as I walked away.

4. Compliments for good customer service are a joy to give, especially when you go out of your way to give them.

Last week I called customer service to open a new bank account online. "Just keep clicking 'other,'" The guy prompted me. "And be sure to transfer this there before you do that or you'll get dinged a fee." He was my hero. "Robert," I said, "this was such great service. Do you have a supervisor I can talk to? I'd like to tell them that you're great." Well I thought Robert was going to break out into a show tune he was so happy. And, get this...when I spoke to his manager, he told me that staff with the most positive customer feedback will win a free cruise this year. So my one minute compliment may land Robert a good tan and some pina coladas when he most needs them.

5. Keep it simple. Send love through your eyes and voice. Imagine things blooming from your lil' gesture of goodness.

I'll check in with you next week and I want to hear how you rocked the force of positivity for universal good. We can do it. We're amazing human beings, each of us. Don't need to look too far to comment on that.

oxo
D

←   read all current inspiration articles

join the convoposted 29 Mar 09 in: White Hot, inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags:   ·   View Comments

• Follow Danielle on Twitter • Follow Danielle on Facebook

  • Richard Kampas
    With all the great comments, I can add one I did not see. Much of my business is in SE Asia where I am language challenged - EXCEPT for one compliment - A SMILE - IT WORKS UNIVERSALLY and I can take people from glum and mean to happy and glowing. It seems most Americans they see do not have my contagious enthusiasm, so WAKE UP AMERICA AND SMILE - (hint: try it at home and at the office, too)
  • right on times ten. here's to a smile revolution.
  • Katie Laporte
    I may have learned this from you as a child Danni, but im definatly a complimenter..When the time is right, and i think something good about someone's job or i like another womens shoes etc.., i must tell. I always make sure to tell my husband when i get that "i think your sexy" feeling even if were just in the car.
  • Here's one for you Danielle - you ROCKED the panels today at the SHOP Symposium. You have a gift for asking good questions, clarifying and moving things along when needed. It was a joy to see you and be interviewed by you! Sorry we didn't get to connect before or after.
  • Hey, Danielle! I'm a new reader of your blog, having found my way here from the Boss of You blog. A couple years ago I made it a personal policy that if I thought something nice about someone I would make every effort to tell them. It's astounding how many people are being totally fabulous and don't even know!

    One of my other personal policies is Sincere Gratitude. I give heartfelt thanks to the people in my life, however brief their appearance. I am grateful to those people who make my life a little bit easier, a little bit happier, and a lot more hilarious.
  • all right people. let us go forth and COMPLIMENT!
  • I'm so with you on this. Love your writing and all the the wise and inspiring comments here from others, too.

    I used to work in Adam's Morgan, Washington D.C., home of the Compliment Man. He actually has dedicated his whole life to complimenting strangers, and having been a recipient many times, I believe him to be entirely sincere. Here's an article about him from the Washington Post:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn?pagena...
  • Yes yes yes and Let's also practice RECEIVING compliments this week. so often I make a self depreciating joke when someone compliments me, especially if it is based on looking good. classic example: "great hair today" "its amazing what shampoo can do every now and then..."
    It is so much more fulfilling for both parties when we can just soak it in and say "thank you."
  • Great point.
  • I'M WITH YOU DANIELLE!!
  • karen
    my husband and i never carry cash, but occasionally on date night we stop at the ATM on the off chance that we'll catch a waiter or other service person just working their ass off - we use the cash for a "because you are KILLING it" tip. we love doing it - it's so satisfying! we were once at a restaurant and i couldn't help but notice this high-school age bus boy who was working his tail off with a huge smile on his face. he worked at a crazy pace for the entire 90 minutes we were there. before we left, i snagged his sleeve and put a $50 in his hand. i told him we noticed that he was such a hard worker and we had a feeling he'd be successful no matter what he did because he was so driven. he cried. i cried. it was awesome.
  • You have a knack of starting fires...and the compliment revolution is about to BLAZE!
    Kudos to you for doing what you love and speaking the truth.
    PS - You are pretty f*cking fabulous, D!
  • Emily-Sarah
    I just did this Friday in a Starbucks along our travel route, complimenting a girl on an awesome green jacket she was sporting. The great thing about giving compliments is that we GET such a kickback from doing it! How inspiring to be multiplying all this POSITIVE energy! No grumbling. Zilch grouchy looks. Just good vibes and sunshine. And you never know when your kind words may (lead to) change (in) someone's life. Really!
  • love it! I'll start with you & your blog. love this too! I've sent a couple friends your way- always something good goin' on here!
  • Did you hear about the guys who shout compliments for two hours every Wednesday at Purdue? http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?st...
  • I do this all the time. There's so much negative crap out there, bombarding us 24/7 that I take great joy in spreading a little love around. I don't like holding onto 'the good stuff' and will not hesitate to compliment someone if they have truly caught my eye or my attention in some way. I especially like telling older women, who may think they've passed their prime, that they look fabulous.
  • jo martin
    I am SOOOOOo with you on this!

    It's a practice I started several years ago when I dealt with: I am handicapped, poor and aging -- now -- how can I be of service to people? Any people but especially people I meet along the way. II do something else too which I'll share in case others want to too NOT because I want pats on the back for it -- every fireperson, polce officer, EMT, military person I see, even if I have to stop my car, get out and walk over to them, I shake their hand and thank them for taking care of us.

    I am astounded at the reactions: just like the lady who had tears in her eye, that has happened to me soooo often. No one has *ever* snarled at me for complimenting them, or putting in a good word to their supervisor, or thanking them for their service.

    Are we really that mean to each other that a kind word from a stranger can bring someone to tears?

    Danielle -- thank you so much for putting this idea out where lots and lots and lots of peoiple will see it and act on it!
blog comments powered by Disqus