comparison is a killer. cut it out.

 
 

From the shape of our cells to the swirl of our fingerprints, each human is profoundly, almost incomprehensibly unique. In all the eons of time, amongst trillions of human eggs that have been fertilized and hatched ... there is only one you: microscopically remarkable, positively unrepeatable, original, and...beyond compare.

Role models are useful. They are lighthouses when dream-chasing gets cloudy, they are proof of stamina and magic. But emulation is tricky terrain. I have a friend, an aspiring novelist and brilliant writer in her own right, who said to me once that she wanted to be the "Canadian Anne Lamott," I said, "Why don't you just be the global You?"

We must have the daring to be nothing but ourselves if we are to know what true power is.

Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren't so busy shadow-boxing with the people who you think have it better. Would you compare a snowflake to a snowflake to decide which was more beautiful and unique? No two snowflakes are the same.

Comparison is a slippery slop to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envy trust-fund babies and my friends with rich parents. "Poor me...no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made..." Yack. Whatta waste of mind space - space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.

So here’s the freedom-generating habit to stop comparing and to melt envy:

1. When you're tempted to compare yourself to others, stave off the comparing by feeling your way into your dream. Rather than comparing, imagine. Imagine yourself feeling the way you want to feel - successful, brilliant, artistically free, earthy, healthy, connected. That's it. You're not making yourself less than or more than anyone else - you're simply giving yourself permission to want what you want.

2. Bless the people you feel envious of - the rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that...,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go...you look great...I admire you.” With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.

. . . . . . . . . . .

HAPPY SELF PROMO
In person, Group Fire Starters: Seattle, Vancouver, Victoria
Ask a Woman Seminar + The Crave Symposium: Vancouver + Seattle

←   read all current inspiration articles

join the convoposted 10 Mar 09 in: White Hot, inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags:   ·   View Comments

• Follow Danielle on Twitter • Follow Danielle on Facebook

  • Great post. Thanks for the good words.
    Makes me think of something Martin Buber writes about in "Hasidism and Modern Man." He suggested the Hasidic Jews understood humility as uniqueness and pride as comparison.

    He writes, "In each man there is a priceless treasure that is in no other. Therefore, one shall honor each man for the hidden value that only he and none of his comrades has."
  • I'm a Buber fan, thank you so much for this quote - it's a simply beautiful perspective. I've just checked out your site...you're up to some interesting work.
  • LOVE LOVE LOVE WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND SAYING! I am an Image and Essence Coach and I am all about authenticity!!! YEAH!! Look forward to passing you along on my links...
  • You rock, Danielle. Jeez Louise Louise. Not only do you put into our heads how comparison cripples us, but you offer us ways to stop it. Constructive, positive, empowering ways. You are awesome. That is all.
  • Jeez Louise! Glad it's working for you.
    oxo
  • William Burrell
    I spent the first half of my life wishing for a "personality transplant." When I gave up, I found that mine was already OK. And that was just fine.
  • Hey Danielle! Thanks for stopping by my place to leave a note and let me know how to stay connected. I'm looking forward to getting caught up on your new site.
  • oh my gosh this is brilliant! i too often fall into the trap of oh, i'd love to be doing what so and so does, etc, etc. and even when I try to imagine what MY dream would look like, at times the vision of someone else's creeps in.

    Going to print this out, it's going on the fridge, vision board and bathroom mirror. So great Danielle!
  • Amy
    I love this post so much...such a great reminder and such good strategies. Thank you---your wisdom always grounds me and kicks me in the ass!
  • I LOVE your posts. They always scream OLD SOUL. Keep up the amazing work, Danielle!
  • karin konstantynowicz
    My cousin's husband was the first European to set up a PR firm in Hong Kong, back in the 60's. When he first got there, he said guys would walk by a Rolls Royce and key them. But he knew things had changed when he watched them look at the car with a look that said, how can I make this happen for me.
    Envy can be a sign post. Look, this is what I want too!
    great post.
  • jo martin
    It was a *huge* step forward for me when I realized there is no one in the world I would rather be than me. Maybe that's why I totally agree with your post!
  • I definitely agree with the tip of bless the people you feel envious of.

    I think that comparisons can be good and useful when used in moderation. For instance, people run faster when racing others than if running alone. But you can't go overboard in feeling bad about yourself if you don't beat the other guy. You have to learn to be a good sport about losing.

    I have realized that many times the typical types of people that others envy (like skinny people, smart people, or rich people) aren't any happier.

    But what if I envy happy people? That is, people who are truly comfortable in their skin, people who are able to live authentically, people who are truly inspiring? I don't strive to be like them, but I do strive to be as happy as them. Now, is that a harmful comparison?
  • Ashley
    I think it can be harmful to envy "happy people", because they may not be happy on the inside and just appear happy on the facade. Just saying... if you can rid yourself of all envy then you are allowed to be you.

    But if you are just striving to be like someone who is inspiring and comfortable in their own skin... striving to be like something, or having goals, are healthy. If you don't have goals or dreams... then what? :)
blog comments powered by Disqus