11 slightly scary ways to become a better you

1. Work with people who are smarter or more accomplished than you.
In the last month or so I've advised a mega-website/magazine that has the #1 community forum on the world wide web, a super savvy duo who are #1 in their industry and have one of the finest business plans I've seen; and a kick-ass forum of some of the most savvy marketers, motivators, and communicators in action. In every case I had to leap further to meet my intuition, dig deeper into the industry, and listen more actively. They made me sweat. I learned some new kung fu.

2. Solicit opinions from a diverse audience. Nothing like asking a twenty year old and a seventy year old what they think about your stuff.

3. Solicit opinions from experts. Ask a gifted writer what they really think of your material. Take your CEO to lunch for a preemptive performance review and some tips on how to sail up the ladder. Hire a stylist to eyeball your fashion fabulousness. It may sting, it may be a major gust of wind beneath your wings, but either way, an expert opinion will motivate you to get on top of your game.

4. Stand naked in front of the mirror and don't leave until you can say three deeply loving things about: your physique, the miracle of your health, and your qualities as good human being.

5. Fire your most annoying client, team member, or nasty friend. You'll wished you'd done it a long time ago.

6. As the Dalai Lama says, "Love until it hurts." For me that would mean volunteering at an old age home. I can hardly bear the wastage and scarcity of dignity that makes for most nursing homes. It slays me. I always leave a total wreck.

7. Choose silence. Turn off the TV. Commute without the car radio on or your i-Pod earphones in. The silence may unsettle you. With our addiction to noise and distraction held at bay, our anxiety, painful beauty and genius has room to surface.

8. Underachieve. This is especially for all the A Types and workaholics. Slack. Don't finish the book. For one week, do not do a to-do list. (I know, your palms are sweating at the very thought.) Be late just because you wanted an extra five minutes in the hot shower.

9. Take an improv class. It could teach you more about innovation, relationships, success, and sexuality than any therapist or self help book.

10. Say no. Only offer the simple explanation that "it just doesn't feel right."

11. Say yes. Just for the hell of it. Whimsy is a direct route enlightenment...or peril. Either way, you'll come out stronger.

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posted 15 Jun 09 in: inspiration + spirituality articles   ·   tags:   ·   Comments

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  • Paulina
    Here's to hoping that #5 gets at least somewhat easier with time. By far the hardest on that list for me, and I'm staring it smack in the face right now. It makes me feel like I failed, like I couldn't work harder on making something work out for the better, like I have disappointed. Stab right in the gut and breaks my heart.
  • My advice on #5: Fire your most annoying client, team member, or nasty friend. You'll wished you'd done it a long time ago.... what's worked for me (and this has been one of my hardest lessons as well, excruciating in fact) is the divine combo of taking radical responsibility for the situation, AND knowing that I am in no way responsible for other people's behaviour. Set it free, sister.
  • i ssid no to my job today; they tried to give me a project (after piling on a new one each week for the last 6 weeks), and with everything else pending, i just didn't want to do it. said sorry about 50 times. but for the first time in 2 years there, i said it. feels powerful.
  • I'll be perfectly blunt: #8 scares the $hit out of me.
    Which tells me it's something I need to do, right? Does it count if I "schedule" a day to do it? That's not cheating, right? For God's sake, Danielle, I can't just drop everything and do it right now!! I'm not prepared!
  • Great post. I particularly like the first 5 points. I've been having some doubts lately about a lot of things and this post has made me realize the need to interact with the real world more often.

    But I've been pondering this question for some days now: what would be the yardstick for measuring a better you? Is there a perfect me out there?...
  • great advice. These are all things that will make us better and happier but they are difficult to do. Thanks.
  • Christina
    I fired my most high maintenance client last summer and I'm poorer for having done it but the moment I couriered that "dear john' letter off, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted. So worth it!
  • Christine
    #5 One of the best decisions I've made.
  • cherie
    I LOVE Lunapads (the products and women who run it)! Glad you think they rock, too!
    # 8 is the hardest for me. I am going to try it today. It's amazing, I never even thought it was an option...I feel less stressed and more present already.
  • >>#1 - A lucky bunch of folks, all around. The energy in the room must have been amazing.

    We are, and it was. Someone asked me what the workshop was just yesterday; I hemmed and hawed and finally said "INSPIRING." It was inspiring just hearing people tell their stories, and not a little humbling. You think you're all that? You think you've got that book sussed out b/c you skimmed the cover? Look out, girl—you're in for a shocker.

    The "feeling" exercise I came away with was the gravy on the taters. I made working it one of the points on my to-do list for this week, witnessed by my new nerd-on accountability group. They also had a little something to say about negative self-talk and me, um, stopping it. So I have a to-do list, but it's a good one.
  • #1 - A lucky bunch of folks, all around. The energy in the room must have been amazing.
    Okay, so #8 makes me itch, 1 - 3 I've been working on thanks to my FireStarter session and whimsy/silliness is a downright challenge - too bloody serious for my own good. Not sure how to approach #6 - as of right now, a work in progress and will definitely have to sneak up on #4.
    baby steps - taking baby steps, advancing very soon to giant leaps and bounds.
  • All very good....I just imiplemented #5 last week. I've fired a colleague/friend. I'm one who generally gives people the benefit of the doubt, however, now that I've stepped back and have some perspective, I realize how toxic she's been in my life. I still have to work with her, however, I have chosen not to engage in the game playing anymore. I've been burned too many times, it was time to take my hand out of the fire.
  • (see me bowing in greeting) Kung-Fu, indeed. I left your FireStarter with some sore (good growth) muscles. Thanks for the mention here. I'm looking forward to #9, slightly dreading the self-witnessing of #4, and incredibly thankful for taking #5's matters into my own hands. I fired a client recently because: I felt sick to my stomach every time I commuted to them; they were not nice to me and WE weren't making progress and I was not giving 110% of what I could. The last two points were the real sticking points for me. I have the bad habit of finding self-loathing seductive, from time to time--so the not nice thing sort of served my DarkDyana--but not making progress and not creating a stage of excellence (even in the semi-style of #8) was unacceptable. I wonder what drives your other readers to make relationship changes--I bet it's not what I'd expect. Truth-on, DL
  • I'm printing this out and putting it on my bulletin board right NOW!!! Thank you! I just fired my most annoying client yesterday, and I woke up with doubt. I'm so glad I read your brilliant post this morning!
  • jo martin
    Totally agree with #1 - how else are you going to learn/grow/develop? And yes, it *is* scary!

    My riff on #8: "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." Wait wait -- not that anything we do doesn't deserve our best effort but that -- well, for me anyway -- the focus is too often on doing something perfectly (the first time, too) that I end up *not* doing something/giving something because it's not "perfect". Do it anyway.

    Great stretching thoughts -- thank you!
  • Patricia
    Well, #1 can work two ways. I love being pushed by people who bring my game up, but I also find that in the end, those fearsome people are human too.

    And as a recovering perfectionist, I'm a big fan of #8 - I like to call it "smart slacking", or "selective slacking" - knowing where giving 110% matters, and where it doesn't...

    Great post as always - nice to start the day with this kind of inspiration!!!
  • great point about the humanity - that's always one of my learnings. that, as my friend Donna always says, "we're all bozos on the same bus."
  • Awesome, love it. Especially #6 - it could not be MORE true.
  • I need to do more of all of this. Except the slacker part. I have that one mastered, I think ;)
  • Co-signing with Janice: A wonderful list, scary in bits. Forces me to really contemplate on those areas of self and life that need WORK. Thank you. :)
  • I had #8 imposed on me this week - bad dose of flu - and it was a relief to go to bed, log off and leave everything up to my husband and
    t(w)eenage kids. How sad is that, that we have to get ill to realise that our bodies have been crying out for rest!!

    This whole list is wonderful advice - scary in bits, but so sensible, too. #1 made me happy for you but left me scared and saddened, wondering if my voice in your comments box can ever contribute anything to your already fabulous blog and life - but then I read #2. I'm not seventy or a teenager, but this middle-aged mum of two thinks you, your blog and your list rock! (We don't often say "it rocks" in Scotland but this blog really does! I love the energy I get here!)
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