stifled sensations

 
 

I worked with a TV producer once who prided herself on being disciplined. “I get up every morning at 5am to run,” she told me over dinner. “I hate it, but it needs to be done.” And she went on to explain that for Lent, she gave up swearing and hadn’t cussed in four years, (“Even though it would feel sooo good to just say the F word sometimes!”) The following Lent, she swore off soda pop and hadn’t had so much as a sip for three years, (“Even though a Coke with these tacos would be grrreat!”)

“Well that sounds like a whole lotta of fucking fun.” I said to her. And I asked the waiter to bring me a Coke.

Here’s the thing: As hard-wired achievement-bots many of us subscribe to systems of success that actually become blockages to our instincts. Structures, programs, regimes, all disciplines and theories should be used to support your freedom and independent thinking, but many serve to stifle our truth.

Curiosity and sensation are exponentially more effective than obeying the rules.

join the convoposted 26 Jun 09 in: White Hot, creativity + art + design articles   ·   tags:   ·   View Comments

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  • Shani
    A dear friend gave me a tidbit of advice that i have never forgotten, "Break one 'RULE' a day".
    Niiice!
  • As a human who often tries to be a "hard-wired achievement-bot" (only God know why) this post really and most sincerely made my laugh out loud! No shit no kidding!

    Fuck should do's and nicey-nice.
    God this feels good!

    Rock&Roll!
    ok.time for bed
    Well that sounds like a whole lotta of fucking fun.” I said to her. And I asked the waiter to bring me a Coke.
  • sweetness to my ears and reinforcement of by Golden Rule, if it tastes good, it's good FOR you! (not restricted to only culinary delights) if you know what I mean...another White Hot Truth spoken out loud. It doesn't get better than that.
  • God, this is fabulous to read right out loud, these bold words. Having recently worked through Style Statement, pissed off at what it told me, which, of course, was dead on accurate, and which matched an astrological chart I'd jokingly had done a couple of years ago (it, too, pissing me off; though I knew it to be true I pretended I didn't believe it), I finally was able to say well, hell, this IS who I am, stop stifling yourself with those unsaid words (really my only self denial) and start talking, girl. Write the stuff down you want to talk about - so I did. Figuring I would lose readers to my blog, because I was gonna be politically incorrect (something just not done or approved of in the art world) I was surprised to see my readership grow by 1/3 in that first week. And now I can move on. Having said my little say, all the other silly art stories are pouring out of me. Being unstifled is a wonderful thing! I sit here with my breakfast and a coke, on my way to the horse races, a day off from work. Muchas gracias, ma'am!
  • all hail political incorrectness!
    xo
    D
  • A-FUCKING-MEN, Danielle! Now pass me that can of Coke.
  • badass post. few things are as satisfying, effective and utilitarian as mocking someone by breaking their stifling rules right in front of them. sometimes all discipline does is prove something that doesn't need to be proven. certainly it has its uses, but why use it to deprive oneself of delicious beverages and words? "i'm going to discipline myself to experience less of the world." sweet man.

    10/10
  • EXACTLY! Who's in charge here anyway? For way too long we've put the intellect in charge when really...ideally...it's meant to be in service to the heart. The old damsel in distress and knights in shining armor thing -- but for real.
    Loved the post -- xo jl
  • Candascat
    Discipline is all part of being an adult. If we don't practice discipline we don't grow up. Take delayed gratification (what most of the comments here are really talking about). I will eat healthily during the week and excercise and at weekends I will eat what I like, delaying gratification; again this is part of being an adult. Discipline means understanding that we have to put aside childish things. Our greedy, lazy society may have learned a few lessons from delaying gratification and discipline. What ye sow, ye shall reap.
  • I have a hard time with this because I seem to be an all or nothing person with things like soft drinks. I really enjoy pepsi with pizza or whatever but if I drink it with pizza then I switch into making it my default drink for every day and I don't enjoy it much and I drink way more than feels good. I have trouble drawing the line between doing something because it feels good and getting into the habit of doing it and then reducing the enjoyment I get out of it.

    If I get into the habit of drinking Pepsi then every time I go to get a drink I have to decide whether or not to have it and that just makes for a mental hassle. I haven't yet figured out the difference between giving myself treats and making those treats routine. Glerg!

    However, I am definitely not sanctimonious about my choices, I don't hold myself up as a paragon of discipline and virtue, I'm just finding my way like everyone else.

    Danielle, I have to tell you that everytime I see an email telling me you have a new post up it makes me smile. I love the energy here. Thank-you!
  • Its good one :)
  • God I love this - so timely for me as I was reading "soft additctions" book on the recommendation of a friend which caused me to think about all alledged bad habits I have...one can get so into editting out everything "bad" as defined by the outside world that life feels stifled and everything "fun" seems scary or wrong. For sure I am doing things that are unconscious that I could become more aware of- but I certainly need to spend as much energy on paying attentions to my own soul's cravings and be sure to INDULGE THEM!!! I too was once given the sage advice- spend your days making every choice the one you really CRAVE (i.e. salad vs burger; excercise vs lay on couch) and things will be great! Thanks Danielle
  • re: alleged bad habits...yes, l say we declare habits good before they make us guilty.
  • Catiejane
    I would like to chime in for a different perspective. I'm someone who couldn't keep to a routine if my life depended on it. Routines slide off me like oil on Teflon. For me, striving for some kind of discipline promotes my own creativity. Making time to run, write, and meditate helps keep me from being consumed by work or other people's agendas.
  • I had a therapist who said "Don't should on yourself."
  • Lillian
    Actually, in my experience 'Everything in Moderation' IS the dictum of the disciplined, (which is so overused these days it drives me nuts). Sometimes I'm going to spend too much on a pair of shoes, eat too much chocolate, state my opinion too much, etc. Sometimes, I might feel regret. But ultimately, I think I end up feeling stronger in who I am.
  • Shelly
    I very rarely comment even though I LOVE LOVE this site.
    But this was a full on laugh out loud moment and truly a great start to my day.
    also thanks for the link to Chris Guillebeau - very refreshing!
  • Is it our culture that rewards that sort of denial ... Puritan martyrdom or some other such nonsense? What motivates those choices? I've cut out dairy because of my allergies, but you won't see me turning down a big sloppy slice of Manhattan style pizza.
    This kind of self-torture makes me itch. Let's hear it for opening our arms and hearts and embracing, not stuffing, our true nature, warts and all.
    BTW - D you're a little shit disturber aren't you?
  • jo martin
    I've loved this ever since I got it in an email severa years ago:
    Life is not a journey to the grave
    With the intention of
    Arriving safely in a pretty
    And well preserved body,
    But rather to skid in broadsid
    Thoroughly used up,
    Totally worn out,
    And loudly proclaiming,

    WOO HOO!!!! What a ride!
    (Unknown author)

    To me, living life as rigidly as this woman does sucks all the joy out of it. I feel sorry for her.
  • I worked with a guy who penny pinched until his lips were blue. He and his wife may die with a big balance in their bank account, but will they have lived? I opt for the everything in moderation mode of living, except for love & laughter. Those should be enjoyed with wild abandon at every opportunity.
  • It must be kismet, because I was talking to my therapist on Wed. about this very subject. As a child and adolescent, I learned "the rules", i.e. those things that one does in order to not get into trouble. While I was a very high achiever, and earned many awards, rewards and accolades, I realize now, at 44, that I wasn't very fulfilled. Not that I would rather have been a truant. Not what I am saying at all. I do believe, however, that I would have been less concerned about being perfect.
  • Yes, people like that make me so happy that I am laid back, reinvent the circle in my own way kind of gal. Thanks for this...made me laugh :-)
  • loreen
    It's very soulful ....when just be who we are, imperfectly beautiful unedited. Thx for the reminder to be just me!
  • To each, their own and all that but she needs to exhale and release her butt cheeks and discharge herself from the army of "should"!
  • Ditto to Jay and Kristin. Especially when taken to extremes (or rules followed for rules' sake), they not only stifle our creativity, I think they end up putting blinders on our perspectives. And to paraphrase Grace's Highly Sensitive prompt this morning, we gotta use our peripheral vision!
  • Kristin
    Jay said what I was gonna say... :)
    Brilliant, as ever. Needed this today, D, thanks. x
  • Amen, Sister!
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