creativity + art + design articles

the suck factor of life balance, + passion as a cure to stress

I no sooner want to be balanced than I want to be a “good” girl. “Balance” is not something I want to live down to.
- me

If consensus is overrated, I think balance is too. I have no interest in living
a balanced life. I want a life of adventure.
- Chris Guillebeau

In the end, the quest for balance is bogus. Love your burdens. Love them hard. And when your loves knock you down or your weak ankles trip you up, stop worrying about balancing – ‘cuz you’re not – and bounce.
- Kelly Diels

Life balance. Low fat cheese. Walking shoes. Small talk.
Life balance. The term makes me feel bloated and late for my own party.
Life balance. Stressful.

The pursuit of balance makes us juggle. It puts us behind (always behind,) makes us guilty, neglectful, imbalanced. It’s as useful a concept as original sin. You can never get it right.

If you want to do great things, striving for balance is a losing game. I don't think remarkable artists, scientists, activists, entrepreneurs, or generous souls set out on their giving journeys with the aim to be measured and harmonious. Meeting your potential is inherently full of tension (creative tension.) Trying to be balanced about it is onerous and futile.

Fuhget about it. Put balance on pause and feel into…

The out-of-whackness of your life – gigs, kids, commitments, projects. It’s a lot. Yes, indeed it is.
The passion in your cells - to eat life whole, to innovate, to score, to, as Emerson put it, “leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition.”

Feel into….
The hunger to fill the hole in your soul – doesn’t matter how it got there - if it’s there, it’s there.
The aspirations that show up as dreams or strategies.
The curves of your drive.

[HOLD FOR THE PUNCHLINE:]
If you’re alive, ambitious, or depressed; inventive, in the lead, or rapturous – you are imbalanced. The off-kiltering of your life may make you gasp – in grief or in glory. You could be on the leading edge of your consciousness - thriving. You could be a total mess. Things may need to be put in proper order. Loved ones. Goals. Your well being. Your mental clutter. Your blood pressure. Your Mastercard statement. But...

[THIS IS THE PUNCHLINE:]
Getting "balanced" is not the remedy to stress.

Passion is.

I burn a lot of omlettes. It's a regular occurrence - I'm drawing robots with my kid, I'm jotting down an idea I don't want to lose, I'm taking the call. And then the smoke alarms goes off. I "work" on holidays. Last Monday I stayed in bed and read all day. I send birthday gifts three months early or three months late - but it's just the right gift. I can eat cereal every day for a week, wearing the same clothes, never leaving the house because I want to finish a book. I like last minute trips out of town and not answering email for days. The last time I was at a monastery, I tweeted about it.

This is not a balanced life. But it works. And the more I pursue my passions, the more uncomplicated my life gets, actually. There's not much in my life that I resent. And if resentment builds, I'm swift to get it off my plate. It's not the imbalance-ness that stresses me, it's doing meaningless things that aren't taking me where I want to go.

MOTHERS + CEOs
When we talk about the whole life balance issue, working mothers are central to the conversation. How does the screw-life-balance-and-go-for-passion theory apply when you're juggling P 'n L's and macaroni 'n cheese? It's about an overall proportion in your life, not perfection. It's a work hard / play hard equation. It's about draining your reserves and filling them up again with precious moments or a stolen day. You give give give give give and give some more, and then you get. It's a wonky equation - creating works of art always is - but if you don't stress about how you "should do it", you can create the best way to do it.

When passion is a priority - passion for family, vocation, for meaning - your energy intensifies. And when your energy is more focused, more, "aimed", you begin to care less about the things that don't really matter. You avoid crappy jobs, you stop over-controlling your kids, you nag and complain much less - with everyone. You get the help you need to pull off the important things - whether you're a CEO or an aspiring freelancer, and that support takes the form of a house cleaner, a VA, or a friend or mentor to jam with.

REFUSE TO BE BALANCED
When you refuse the banality of balance and go for full on life (which includes full on productivity and full on stillness,) you'll see the inevitable mess of it all as something more beautiful and purposeful - full of peaks and valleys - an adventure. The climb can be rigorous, grueling sometimes, but the air is cleaner, and the view will blow your mind. The fruit you'll find on your own tilted path is so much sweeter - and there's so much more of it to share.

. . . . . .

POST THE POST

Coming attraction: I'm deep in my lab creating The Fire Starter Sessions vook: a multi-media program for blazing your entrepreneurial trail. Watch this space for pre-order information and sparks of inspiration. I'm so excited!

I've sent dozens of clients to web designer, Sarah Bray over the last year and a half. Happiness abounds. Sarah is doing a Gold-Digging Excursion starting April 1 to help you "dig up your website’s hidden profit-opportunities." I recommend it with all my digital love, and I bet it's going to sell out fast. Click here to visit Sarah Bray.

 

the perils of justifying yourself

Me, you, or someone you know:
“I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m going to …”
Fill in the blank: Quit, sell it, leave, cancel, give it away, walk, resign.

That practical voice inside your head, well-intentioned friends, your granny: “Now, why would you do that?! It’s … (fill in the blank) good money, a great opportunity, you’ve worked so hard, what will you do without it? Can’t you work it out?"

And you bite the hook. In fact, your psyche’s been hanging on it for quite sometime, gnawing on 101 good, practical, and perfectly reasonable reasons why you have the right to make the decision that you’re making. You know, rationalizing. Well how about this rationale:

It doesn’t feel right.

Stay there for a few seconds. It’s a very powerful place to be. It’s elegant. It’s clear. Declared feelings have sonic reach.

And... it can be very uncomfortable. Like the truth can often be before it sets you free.

I recently left a gig because it just didn’t feel right. I struggled with all of the yes, no, make adjustments, suck it up, expand your perspective, get more creative kind of options. A few people thought I was nuts to walk away. Great exposure, cachet, extra money… All true. The “facts” usually are.

I made the tastiest Excuse Sandwich about why it didn’t work for me. I need to find a baby sitter, it interrupts my week, it’s not what I signed up for, I need a haircut, I don’t like so and so or such and such, I need to focus on … All absolutely true. And in the grand scheme, in the greater gestalt of what I'm capable of, totally lame and absolutely surmountable.

If something felt right, I’d drive all night in a push-up bra to get there. When it really feels right, you go out of your way. When something feels right, you put inconveniences in their place.

THE CORROSIVE EFFECTS OF OVER-JUSTIFYING YOUR FEELINGS

JUSTIFYING YOUR FEELINGS:

• automatically puts you on the defense. When you’re on the defense, you burn more energy. Rationalization can be incredibly inefficient.
• over-complicates things.
• perpetuates cleverness. Clever is not a good word in my personal dictionary. It rhymes with slick, manipulative, covert. When you’re trying to rationalize something that is very often amorphous and insular you’ll reach for smooth answers that you think people - or your subconscious - want to hear. And that makes you a salesman.
• depresses your essential self. The more you load rationale onto your feelings, the more padding you create between you and your most powerful, unlimited resource. If you make a habit of keeping your instincts at bay, that tend to stay at bay.
• makes you look and feel like a victim. In an effort to prove and protect, you make up reasons that appear to be more important than your refutable instinct. You whine. You nit pick the situation. You start sounding like the whimp you don’t want to be - instead of the hero that you essentially are. When the passion is there, so is the solution. No problem looks insurmountable when you’re turned on.

Of course, sometimes your greatness demands that you explain your reasons in no uncertain terms. Taking the time to explain yourself can be a fantastically creative act. If that’s what’s called for, then explain how you feel. Hold the excuses. Stand by your heart. Make it matter.

. . .

POST the POST

• I just kicked off an affiliate program for my stationery line.
• "Confidence can be a real high-wire act, and we’re not always sure how well we’re walking it." I dug this article from @joshhanagarne, the guy behind The World's Strongest Librarian.

 

innovate or die: purification + my work credo

PART 1: INNOVATION

The most erotic word in my vocabulary right now is innovate.

inn.o.vate.

It’s one of my core desired feelings – to feel, be, and live innovate.

I’m not talking about being innovative for the sake of it. (Innovation for the sake of innovation is masturbation.) I’m talking about being on my personal leading edge – where I have to deep bend to reach the fruit. Where the branches are so thin that I have to lighten my load and empty my pockets of ego, greed crumbs and the dirty pennies of mistrust – mistrust in how righteously loving and supportive the universe is.

To innovate, you need to lighten your load. Constantly.

Which brings me to my work credo. (It's up for global adoption. Go ahead. Take it.)

MY WORK (+ SOCIAL MEDIA) CREDO - in order of priority - is:

1. Be USEFUL. If your stuff is not 100% about utility, practicality, or wisdom*, then...
2. Be INSPIRING. If you’re not flush with inspiration, passion, motivation, then at least...
3. Be ENTERTAINING.

And if you can’t at least be amusing then keep to yourself. Otherwise, you’re wasting people’s time. And when you waste people’s time – you’re not only a delusional wanker, you’re disrespectful. Once you disrespect your audience, they’ll walk.

(**Wisdom is information / experience translated into something that is useful + inspiring.)

(You can stop reading here if you got your fill. I understand, the average visitor stays 2.4 minutes on a blog. But if you want to know about some creative/business refining I’m doing, read on.)

PART 2: PURIFICATION

My intention to be useful drives my personal innovation. So, there are going to be a few changes ‘round here - subtle perhaps, but meaningful. I’m announcing this because I think it’s … useful.

As any on-line writer or seller-of-stuff will tell you, “TRAFFIC” is one of the horniest words in the Internet lexicon. Some of us “bloggers” (I put it in quotes because I loath the term) are driven by the numbers. That means amassing more-more-more visitors, users, uniques, followers, “Friends” - idealistically for influence, practically, for cash. Nothing wrong with either motivation, nothing at all. I myself am uh, highly motivated.

Making wisdom products is my living. More traffic = sell more stuff. I'd love to tip 100,000 readers so that when I release my next book (this year! in digital AND print!) a very big bunch of those readers will buy my stuff. And then I can pay my kid’s tuition, help a few friends out, and wear French linen all summer long.

Do I want to be innovative (read: true to my artistic integrity, and reeeally happy) or do I want to make lotsa coinage? Of course, the answer is both, darling. As if I'm not going to have my cake and eat it - with a scoop of Vanilla. On a chaise. In French linen. With enough cake to share with the neighborhood.

In order to innovate, you need to eat right – a diet of integrity and courage. NO FILLER.

The game for traffic (more articles = more traffic) creates a lot of filler out in the blogosphere. Gotta post post post! As my friend Jonathon Mead just put it, "It's a churn, creating content for the sake of it, not due to a burning desire. Quotas = crap." Uh huh.

And sometimes, this is the winning, appropriate most pure strategy. Information aggregation and high-volume content generation can be magnificent when it’s done right. Think: Huffington Post, or Feministe. Even Seth Godin, who is known for not playing the social media popularity game, pubs seven days a week.

UPPING MY GAME BY NARROWING MY FOCUS

The downside of Internet-reality is that you can write a gorgeous piece and it gets buried fast in the flurry. I want each article I compose to feel like a nourishing meal, or at least a midnight snack that sends you to bed smiling. I don't want to just whip something up for hungry search engines.

I also want to give deeper love to the love of my (career) life: making books. Books that you can hold. Books that are compelling enough to spend some quality time with. Books that are useful, inspiring, and entertaining - and so philosophically sexy that they’ll spread like wild fire.

So, I’ve decided to post only twice week...maybe twice and half. That way, I can give each piece my whole heart. I may sprinkle in the odd truism - but only if I really feel that it's genius.

I'll be the sole generator of content on White Hot Truth – which means no more interviews (okay, maybe some.) I can hear some groans already. I know, I know, the Burning Questions Interviews are juicy. We've had some superstars and angels to this banquet. Good news is, I have some beauties lined up over the next few weeks. Obviously my policy of "no thanks, no guest posts" and zero solicited product reviews stays good n' staunch.

The quality vs. quantity model is nothing new. But it remains a rarity. Authenticity is demanding business.

 

brainstorming 101

click here to watch the segment

 

take ‘em up on the offer: saying yes to help

click here to watch the segment

 

burning questions with jen louden, the comfort queen

"Comfort Queen." Who doesn't want to meet the woman who earned that title?

Jen Louden is the author of the Oprah-loved The Woman's Comfort Book, a coach who describes her typical client as "smart, curious, has a pretty good sense of humor, and doesn’t suffer fools lightly." (sound familiar?) And one of the innovators of the "virtual retreat."

Her next virtual retreat is right around the corner: Refresh, Reawaken, & Rediscover Who You are in Ways that Truly Work, February 12th-14th.

I especially love Jennifer via video. When she talks about getting the "renewal I need for my soul..." I want it. When she talks about going from "the grind to the organic flow..." I'm nodding. I believe the twinkle in her eye. I start fantasizing about radical self-care and spa time, spirit-centered creative retreats, and meandering to the beat of my heart and I...feel comforted already.

1. What do you know to be true, unquestionably beyond doubt, certain with every cell of your being, completely, passionately, righteously certain?

That I love the bejuses out of my daughter. That befriending myself is better than kicking myself. That I am never alone. That little in life is fixed. That planning isn't the same as creating. That depletion is another name for hiding your genius. That creating stuff makes me happy. That it's not about me. That Bob loves me. That nature restores my faith. That my body is the way in. That yoga heals. That books are a miracle. That women will bring about the change we are hungry for. That life is a hoot. Oh, and expect the Spanish Inquisition and be pleasantly surprised when all goes well.

2. What did you decide to stop doing in order to be the real Jen, instead of the gotta-have-it-all, do-it-all Wonder Woman version so many of us are burning out for?

Anything to do with details - I'm a big idea person and very bad with the details. Tracking things. Spelling. House cleaning. Cooking. Sending birthday cards. Committees - never never ever. I'm trying to learn how to hire someone who can help me hold my business. There is an energetic plus detail letting go that is next for me.

3. What happens when women find their voice?

What doesn't happen? When I wrote my first book in 1992, The Woman's Comfort Book, that was my feminist manifesto. True self-care liberates self-trust and trust in something larger than yourself and that creates a chain reaction from "I will keep my paycheck husband thank you very much" to "I don't have to work at a job I hate. I can go back to school / start my own business."

Claiming our own lives and our own desires can start to feel hackneyed as in old hat, already done, so basic. When in fact, claiming our voice, our selves, will always be the essential act of growing up. Ignore it or belittle it at your own peril. (more...)

 

burning questions with seth godin: faith, lizards, and your art

Seth Godin has one of the most highly respected and trafficked blogs on the world wide web; the most-viewed presentations on TED; the most charitable social and information systems in action, the best-selling series of books on marketing, culture, and idea-generation.

His new book, Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? goes on shelves and ships TODAY! It's a whole new kind of Seth fabulous that speaks to the heart (and primal encoding) of creativity in all pursuits. It is beautiful.

Seth's views on collaboration, endurance, and what it means to be an artist give me a deep sense of belonging and optimism. His definition of "art" contains three elements:

1. Art is made by a human being.
2. Art is created to have an impact, to change someone else.
3. Art is a gift. You can sell the souvenir, the canvas, the recording... but the idea itself is free, and the generosity is a critical part of making art.

Art is what we're doing when we do our best work.

Ladies and gentleman, it is a true honour to bring you, The Integrity Artist, The Amplifier of other people's goodness, and one of my biggest intellectual crushes, Mr. Seth Godin.

BURNING QUESTIONS WITH SETH GODIN

1. What do you know to be true, unquestionably beyond doubt, certain with every cell of your being, completely, passionately, righteously certain?

Somewhere, someone is going to have a spectacular day tomorrow, the best day they ever had. Maybe even more than one person. Maybe you.

2. How do we rise above the grip of resistance-addicted lizard brain into unleashed, energized, full tilt mojo and artistic moxy?

The lizard is the prehistoric brain stem, the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for anger, revenge, sex and safety. It's what a chicken has, all that a chicken has.

The lizard is mistaken.

The lizard successfully believed, for a really long time, that safety was good. Avoid saber-tooth tigers. Duck your head. Don't raise your hand. That = survival.

Now, of course, that equals burger-flipping and Wal-Mart greeting. Safety is a recipe for food stamps.

What the lizard ought to be doing is pushing you to do art, pushing you to stand out, pushing you to do work that matters and to make a difference.

So, you rise above by seducing and quieting the lizard, and then, when it's snoozing, do exactly the opposite of what it wants you to do.

3. What was the dumbest thing that you used to believe in?

Deserved.

That some people got what they deserved. That someone deserved to be taught a lesson at my expense. That bad luck hurts people who deserve better.

What's true: Stuff happens. We dance with it. The better and happier you dance, the better you do. And every minute you spend teaching people a lesson is a minute wasted forever.

4. I think we crave originality and individuation as much as we crave belonging and the beautiful symmetry of being in tribe. How do we steer clear of, as you call it in Linchpin, the "Faustian bargains in which we trade our genius and artistry for stability"? How do we access our own originality? (This, by the way, could be the best question I've ever asked anyone. Ever.)

Join a tribe of artists. Lead a tribe of people intent on making a difference.

1984 is a scary book because belonging to a tribe of cogs is the most frightening thing of all. Better to be Neo or Trinity than to live in the Matrix, I think.

5. Dante and "all who entered", had to abandon hope at the gates of the inferno. I have my own theory on that (I'm not a fan of h-o-p-e.) Is hope a requirement for Linchpins and change agents? Or trust?

Mostly faith.

Faith in your art. Faith in your ability to matter. Faith in the future and opportunities that will present themselves. The reality is you need low overhead and an ability to get through the Dip and the reality is you must put in the hours and push yourself harder than you can imagine. Then the faith pays off.

6. What question are you currently living?

Whatcha talking about Willis?

oh

how about, "How can I leverage this opportunity to spread an idea that people really need to hear... and not waste my chance."

7. What’s your super hero name? (You have one. To discover it, stand with hands on your hips, chest up, and eyes to the sky. It’ll come to you. FYI, Mine is Agent Now, which in French translates to L’Agent Maintenent. Adorable n'est pas?)

The Amplifier.

Indeed.

. . . . . . .

FIND SETH

SethGodin.com
The Squidoo Linchpin Interviews
Linhpin: Are You Indispensable?
TED Lectures

 

hot songs: 3 angels to groove your way

It took me a long time to ask for help and not feel weak about it. I thought I needed to behave for God to deliver. I didn't want to ask too much of my cosmic board of advisors, lest I wear out my welcome.

I'm over it. I figure I have an astral tribe of cheerleaders and there's nothing they love more than helping me plot my course to pleasuredom. Maybe some of them are are bangin' funksters, or DaVinci himself. This is what I imagine the classic angelic ones sound like... These are great songs when you're high, low, or on the outside of any door.

 

the best list ever, by Danielle: vol. 1

The best of anything and everything. Random fantastic stuff that left an impression on my frontal lobe and softened heart. Do your own list. Do it here if you fancy, we've got the time and space. "The Best List Ever, by [insert your name]: Vol. 1. It'll make you simmer with sweet memories and proof of excellence. Here we go. This is gonna feel goood.

MY BEST LIST EVER. 100% adored. In no particular order.

1. The Missing Piece Meets The Big O, by Shel Silverstien. The most elegant and charming description of human relationships. Heartbreaking, really. It's my favourite wedding gift to give.
2. Wim Wenders', Wings of Desire and Far Away So Close. Made me want to fall in love, fly, move to Berlin, french-kiss Lou Reed, and talk to my angels.




3. Leonard Cohen at the Palo Solari in Santa Fe. Circa '95. Under the stars. A hot night. Angelic backup singers. Oozing the most Zen-Let's-All-Make-Love-Right-Now vibe humanly possible. Religious.
4. Dip big strawberries in sour-cream, and then dip it into brown sugar. Divine. Great picnic treat.
5. Pangea Organics Japanese Matcha Tea with Acai & Goji Berry Facial Mask. Incredible product from one of the most eco-progressive beauty companies, ever.
6. WordPress. There's a reason why Google bought it.
7. The Arlington Institute's FutureEdition. Best aggregation of news in global trends and outliers.
8. Pecha Kucha Night speaking events. 20 slides. 20 seconds each to talk about whatever inspires you (or me). Brilliant format.
9. Honey Beeswax Candles. I'm fanatical about them. They clean the air, are thus merciful on your lungs, and last forever. I order mine from an equally fanatical craftsman in a small town in Ontario.
10. Tweezermans.
11. Krishnamurti. Total Freedom.
12. Allan Watts. Beyond Theology.
13. Sir Ken Robinson's TED Talk. How schools kill creativity. Hilarious and profound.
14. Soul centering sessions with Navjit Kandola.
15. Project jamming with Dyana Valentine.
16. The lavender milk chocolate sauce on Belgian waffles at Medina Cafe, Vancouver.
17. Jim Morrison's An American Prayer.
18. Maya Angelou speaking on stage in San Francisco. Proud poetic power personified.
19. Cheryl Sorg's text art. Got me one this year.
20. Patricia Larsen's abstract paintings. Got me one last year.
21. That time with S. in the cabin, doing that thing S. does so well.
22. Silk Concept duvets. Lux sleepies, no more cold feet, eco-kind.
23. Little Miss Sunshine.





24. Eminence Organics Yam & Pumpkin Enzyme Peel. Indispensable for ye ol' skin glow. Use it twice a week.
25. Paper Mate Medium Point blue pens. I've tried fancy fountain pens, mechanical pencils that made me look designy-cool. But it's the good n' cheapies that do the trick.
26. Your Sex is on Fire, Kings of Leon
27. Red Hot Chili Pepper's Stadium Arcadium. If you don't love this double CD, I'm not sure that we can be friends.
28. Rilke! "I want to unfold, for where I am folded, there I am a lie."
29. Rumi...Rumi...my love. "You were born with wings. Why prefer to crawl through life?"
30. Mary Oliver, sistah. "What will you do with your one wild and precious life?"
31. This advice from a mentor when it all fell apart: Know your rights.
32. Anthropolgie
33. Bella Cucina's Artichoke Lemon Pesto. It even made Oprah's list. (Tho' my list is so much juicer, don't you agree?)
34. Beauty, by John O' Donohue. Anything by John O'Donohue, really.
35. Hallelujah, as sung by kd lang, whom I think is one of the most masterful song interpreters ever. This performance makes me want to pull out all the stops in my life. And then be incredibly modest about it.




36. Pet insurance. Just get it.
37. Ten Thousand Waves. Santa Fe, NM. Heaven, hot tubs, and Indian oil in the hills. Heav-en.
38. The best moment with my kid, ever. We're eating chocolate cones outside an ice cream parlor at dusk. Me: "So, pookie, what's it like being alive?" The Kid (without missing a beat): "Oh mama! It's AAA-MAZ-ing! If I were a telephone, I'd be ringin' all the time!"

... to be continued ...

 

burning questions with kelly diels: cleavage + faith

Have you seen Kelly Diels' cleavage? It's deep. She writes with rapier wit and overflowing love, about "everything we all want more of: sex, money, and meaning." And feminism. And Malcolm Gladwell. Yep. She's hot.

I read everything she writes. EVERYTHING, honey.

1. What’s your super hero name? (You have one. To discover it, stand with your legs apart and hands on your hips, tits up and eyes to the sky. It’ll come to you. FYI, Mine is Agent Now, which in French translates to L’Agent Maintenent. Adorable n'est pas?)

Madame Passionista. I wear a chain skirt strung with laptop keys and knee high - hell, thigh-high - boots that are not made for walking. My primary super power is the blazing epistle of righteousness and my secondary one is unmentionable in certain circles but makes me very, very popular.

2. What's the best advice you've been given in terms of writing or creativity?

Believe.

3. What do you know to be true, unquestionably beyond doubt, certain with every cell of your being, completely, passionately, righteously certain?

That I am loved.

4. What global policy, credo, practice or law would you like to decree?

This is heavy: an end to sexual abuse in all forms.

5. What book(s) are you always telling people to read?

Freakonomics. I freaking love it. I love work that uses old tools - like economic theory and modeling - in new and quirky ways. I also adore the way my future husband, Malcolm Gladwell, spins essays into intellectual whodunnits.

But my favourite book of all time is To Kill A Mocking Bird.

6. I’m going to give you a word. Tell me what the first thing that comes to mind when you read it… Ready? The word is: instigate.

Shit disturber. My girls. Myself. Provocateur.

7. What question are you currently living?

Faith? Faith. It is new to me. Faith in myself, faith in the universe, faith in the leap and the fall, faith in those that love me and those who don't, faith in my instincts - I'm sidling up to faith.

Bonus Q: Before we go, Tina Turner asked me to ask you: Kelly, What's love got to do with it, got to do with it?

Oh, EVERYTHING, honey.

. . . . . . .

FIND KELLY DIELS
Cleavage.com
Twitter: @kellydiels
Facebook