the euphoria of admitting when it sucks

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Some very cool things happen when I'm jamming with Fire Starters. Ah-a's, elevated perspectives, connections. But my favourite phenomenon is when someone decides, with a nudge, to give up on what's not working. Throw in the towel. Close shop. Call it quits. In the last month or so, I've witnessed two store closings, three blog unpluggings, two staff fires, three complete re-namings of brands, and some serious slashing of product lines. YES! Making way for success!

Here's the thing about defining fulfillment on your own terms. You don't have to have a storefront to be a wildly successful retailer. You don't have to get up early in the morning to beat the competition. You don't have to keep staff who are slagging because you're a humanitarian or unionized (besides, cutting someone loose so they can go hone their truer talents and bliss is profoundly humane.) If it's not working, you get to give it up - quickly, just like that. Quitting is a form of enlightenment, I tell ya.

Yes, success is gritty business. You've got to hustle your bustle. You've got to eat intensity Wheaties for breakfast. But there's a difference between happy rigor and inane slogging. Slogging doesn't work. It just doesn't. You can't plant misery seeds today and expect to get a juicy crop next season.

I hear this time and again, "If I just hang in longer... Maybe she'll come up to speed. It might sell in the summer. If I dig deeper, I'll learn to love Excel." Fess up - it ain't workin'. You're smart to see it. You're brilliant if you move on.

Indicators of when it simply is not working:
1. You use "it's sucks" in a sentence to describe any aspect of your situation.
2. You "drag your ass" to it.
3. Sunday night anxiety (dreading Monday.)
4. Dismal sales (yes, the universe speaks to us through cash flow.)
5. The bleak absence of synchronicity.
6. Not a whole lot of thanks coming your way.
7. Your mother is your best customer.
8. Seething resentment.

The clues are so generic that we just plow them over with duty and ego and fear of totally flopping. But vitality is a sensation, and it requires a sensitivity to signals and surroundings - and the courage to flow and shout and stomp your feet in sync with the signals of life.

Don't worry about how you're going to fix what's broke. Just notice what sucks with ruthless honesty. It'll be a momentary rush when you do. You might even feel a strange sense of elation. I Know It Sucks Euphoria. And when you're high on the truth, you've got a new vantage point of where to go next. Turn the lights off when you leave. Announce your new destination.

. . . . . . . .

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posted 17 Apr 09 in: business + wealth articles   ·   tags: ,   ·   Comments

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  • Self realization does rock, that doesn't mean it is easy.
    Ouch!
    Thx for the hot Truth.
    I feel a change a comin'...
  • LifeBlazing
    How lovely that today's (11-09-09) post linked to this one of nearly 7 months ago... TODAY -- with much affection and lightheartedness -- I broke up with my subscribers. I tried my hand at a "continuity program" and realized that I totally resented pouring out my best and highest for only [insert very modest number here] to have access to it. I worked it for six months. Worked it hard. Until today...

    A failure is proof of a try. And a success is proof of a lot of tries. Oooh, that's tweetable...
  • Tam
    "I've witnessed two store closings, three blog unpluggings, two staff fires, three complete re-namings of brands, and some serious slashing of product lines."
    Add one marriage to the list. Having to deal with indicators 3 and 5 and 6 and 8 every day has just gotten to be too much. I did everything I thought might work--short of totally losing myself--and none of it did. (And losing myself wouldn't have either.) It's so HARD to let go, but you're right: cutting someone lose can be the most humane thing to do. And I'm a witness to the fact that, when you start making space, it starts filling up with new, different goodness. Miraculous stuff—better stuff—has started coming out of nowhere. Imagine what it will be like when I REALLY let go.
  • jmax
    I'm in that exact space myself, Tam. Three days ago, I sat down with my husband of almost six years and told him that I didn't feel safe in the future we were building together. It's not a fault in either of us, just a manifestation of the fact that our minds work in vastly different ways. I still care about him deeply, but he can't follow his dream without my support, and I can't support him in following a path that wakes me up in the night in cold, sweaty fear.

    The conversation itself was gut-wrenchingly hard, but the next morning...it was like the whole world had relaxed a notch - like I was free to do anything. That initial euphoria is incredible, and as it settles down, I have yet to lose that feeling of freedom.

    Many thanks to Danielle for putting this out there for the world to read. Whether you apply it to business patterns or emotional ones, the same logic applies. As she says elsewhere on the site, "give up immediately - stop doing what's not working. it will be amazing". Amen to that, sister.

    Amen to that.
  • wow. thank YOU for putting it out there.
    to freedom in every form.
    xo
    Danielle
  • SAS
    I love this post because it lets something that sucks be wonderful! I had just said "this sucks" about something the day before your post because I was tired of pretending ... and it felt wonderful!! My new motto, allow it in, let it out - say it sucks as needed, and then enjoy.
  • I have to agree with you. There's a gym membership and a sitebuilder website that are both getting the flick this month. Savings of $1200+ per year. Plus less guilt - I'll no longer feel like I "have" to do these things.
  • A flipping-MEN!!! I have thouroughly enjoyed quitting as you suggested to Suzi and I in our fabulous firestarter sesh- since then the synchronicities are flying out of nowhere and all around us.....we freed up our energy to get to the CORE of what is realy good! YEEE HA!
  • I was hoping you'd chime in today! and I'm so glad to hear (but not surprised) that magic is happening for you. 1 big no brings a 1000 yeses!
    xo
  • GREAT blog. I really love it. Great post. It's so important to recognize and be aware (even of the sucky things) in life. Also, great name (it's mine too, haha).

    http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
  • Menehune
    I worked hard to build a business. As I placed a good amount of capital in the business and both feet were solidly in the door, I realized that--yikes!--the business had tremendous flaws. I began to lose money. I still had enough cash to survive for several months. The fights I had with vendors, family and friends coupled with the way in which certain things did not pan out were messages that nudged me to move on. I placed my ego aside and threw in the towel. Literally overnight the business was no more.

    I experienced the "I Know it Sucks Euphoria". Soon thereafter the economy tanked. I would have lost much more had I not called it quits.

    Thanks to the failure, I'm on to greater and better things. Indeed, Danielle, one can consider oneself brilliant whe one moves on.
  • Doneen
    GREAT post! and so timely to my personal life (ie relationship). If it's not working, there's something wrong...end it. Even your checklist can be applied to relationship that's not working :)
  • Thanks Danielle for another great post!
    It makes me think of ... a splinter in your finger, hard to get out, leave it to emerge on it's own, turning red and painful and festering, agony to pull it out, but oh what sweet relief when it's gone. There is a kind of sideways pleasure in the pain, but straight up joy is much more better.
  • jo martin
    Absolutely! Totally Agree! Don't walk a path that becomes a rut that becomes a grave.
  • Patricia
    Love this post - on some level I've always known that if I'm going to keep moving and growing I *have* to "quit" the old stuff (especially the stuff that sucks!).

    I recently had to make a big job decision - the old job didn't suck, exactly, but it was kind of "bleah". The new job is chock full of juicy opportunities to grow, and I'm doing something I love, and people around me can see the difference. Nice :-)
  • "bleah" is the enemy of bliss.
  • Christine
    When I've stopped stuff that doesn't work I get that- euphoria. I totally agree that it leaves you with so many more oppurtunities to do what you really want to do. I was thinking more about work and study but them I read the last comment and I remembered the first 'change' that occurred for me in the last year- letting go of a friendship that just wasn't working. And how empowered it made me feel to be able to put my true feelings and thoughts on the table. I thought it was the right way to end something that was such an influential phase/time in my life. And now every decision I make I ask myself- am I doing this for the right reasons? It feels awesome when you're doing stuff truly for yourself. One quote that's really stuck with me is- You don't have to earn your freedom.
  • Great post Danielle. I have also found this a useful thing to admit in relationships. I have "cut loose" from a couple of friendships in the past that felt like a real hard slog and feel happier and truer to myself as a result.

    As you say, if you're honest with your feelings and admit, this just isn't working, it can be blissful.
  • The nail must hate you because you keep hitting it on the head!
  • is that you or Yoda? like it.
  • I know what's not working...now I just need to summon the courage to take action again. Every day, I move a little closer....

    In the meantime, everytime I read the words "fire starter", my mind starts playing Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages." I'm not sure what that means, just wanted to share :)
  • Def Leppard...I feel the Big Hair connection. DEFinitely. (ooo, that's a bad one.)
  • Maria
    You make bad news sound good and useful. Quite a skill. My admiration only grows. Wishing you prosperity and satisfaction.
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